SAMMY ENJOYS SHOOTING PEOPLE!  WHEN THERE AREN'T PEOPLE TO SHOOT, SAMMY WAGES WAR WITH HIMSELF IN HEAVILY POPULATED AREAS!  SOMETIMES, DUMB MOTHERFUCKERS GET KILLED BECAUSE THEY WALK INTO MY BULLETS AND FOR THIS, I'M SAD!  WHAT DO I DO WHEN I'M MOTHERFUCKING DEPRESSED?  I EAT A GARBAGE CAN FULL OF FROZEN LEAN POCKETS AND SING THE MOTHERFUCKING ( Read more... )

WELL TODAY, SAMMY WENT OUT FOR A NICE QUAD-STACK DEATH-BURGER FROM BURGER KING!  BECAUSE I'M FUCKING BRILLIANT (IN THAT MY SYNAPSES COMMUNICATE WITH ANCIENT SUMARIAN LANGUAGES INSTEAD OF PUSSY-ASS ELECTRICAL IMPULSES), I DECIDED TO WEAR A COSTUME SO I WOULDN'T HAVE MY PICTURE TAKEN BY SOME TRICK-ASS-PUNK-BITCH PAPARAZZI DOUCHE-NOOSE (HERE'S A ( Read more... )

WELL, I FINALLY GOT MY CHRISTMAS PRESENT FROM STEVEN SEAGAL!  IT'S A MOTHERFUCKING TATTOO OF A SNAKE ON MY PENIS!  THAT SHIT IS FUCKING CRAZY!  THE CRAZY PIECE OF SHIT EVEN DID IT HIMSELF WHILE I WAS SLEEPING (I THINK HE PUT ROHYPNOL IN MY NOG)!  YEAH!

HERE'S A PICTURE (WARNING: THE PENIS YOUR ABOUT TO SEE IS FUCKING GIGANTIC!):


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SAMFNJACKSON@HOTMAIL.COM!

FEEL FREE TO SEND ME A MESSAGE!

A WARNINGl: IF I GET BUT ONE SPAM ELECTRONIC-MAIL, THOUGH, I'LL DIRTY BOMB THE ATMOSPHERE AND WE'LL ALL HAVE TO GET USED TO BREATHING THROUGH OUR SKIN (LIKE THE LAST TIME I HAD MY PERIOD)!

-SLJ

WELL, SAMMY HAS FINALLY NARROWED DOWN HIS NEW YEAR'S REVOLUTION!  AFTER LONG LAST HERE IT IS...

I'M GOING TO EAT MORE BABIES AND HUG MORE ZOMBIES!

YEAH!

OR IS IT HUG MORE BABIES AND EAT MORE ZOMBIES?!

FUCK IT, I'LL JUST EAT MORE ZOMBIE BABIES!

-SLJ
P.S. IS IT ZOMBIE BABIES OR BABY ZOMBIES?  SOMEONE HELP A NIGGA OUT!

AS I ALLUDED TO IN MY ANGER-FUELED LAST INTERNETS POST, I HAVE BROKEN THE RECORD FOR MOST CONSECUTIVE TIMES A CRAZY MOTHERFUCKER HAS WATCHED SNAKES ON A MOTHERFUCKING PLANE!  DANNY MORMONSTENCH OF WALKING COCK, IDAHO THOUGHT HE WAS A SMUG LITTLE BITCH WHEN HE WATCHED IN 13 TIMES IN A MOTHERFUCKING ROW... WELL, GUESS WHAT, YOU BIG-EARED, BITCH?!  ( Read more... )

WELL, I MADE A HUGE FUCKING MISTAKE THIS MORNING (WELL, SAMMY DON'T REALLY MAKE MISTAKES... I SHOULD SAY THAT MY ACTIONS EVENTUALLY LED TO AN UNPLEASANT SITUATION!  NOT THE GOOD KIND OF UNPLEASANT SITUATION EITHER -- Y'KNOW, THE ONE WHERE DUMB MOTHERFUCKERS ARE RUNNING AROUND WITH MELTING FACES AFTER I SHOOT THEM WITH MY ACID-LAUNCHER -- THIS SHIT ( Read more... )

WELL, TWO-THOUSAND-MOTHERFUCKING-SIX HAS COME TO AN END!  SAMMY WISHES ALL OF HIS FANS A GREAT GODDAMN YEAR!  I KNOW I'M A FEW DAYS LATE, BUT AFTER DRINKING A FEW BATHTUBS FULL OF SAMMY -SAUCE -- A 2-1 MIXTURE OF CARBONIC ACID AND POLAR BEAR BLOOD -- I PULLED AN INCREDIBLE HULK AND LEVELED HALF OF DOWNTOWN LOS ANGELES (YOU MAY HAVE READ ABOUT IT IN ( Read more... )

OH YEAH, BITCHES!  DON'T FORGET TO PICK UP THE SNAKES ON A MOTHERFUCKING PLANE DVD OR I'LL PUT E. COLI IN YOUR CHALUPAS!


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