and im so sick of alex judging me and thinking he's better than me. i don't need this shit from ian or alex. fuck them both.

I need somewhere else to live in new york. Or ian needs to move. I can't watch him hook up with guys. I know that I am too good for this. I am special and he doesn't see it. I'm such a fool for moving here with him.

"you should just leave me alone. i can't live my life if you're in it. it just leaves me in this state of restlessness and paralysis, i can't do the things i need to do. i can't focus myself on anything but you and your problems. you're self destructive and you share that with the people that are close to you. i begged you not to move, if you didn' ( Read more... )

this is a text message Ian accidentally sent to me.

"Can we please go out tonight? Bah dante and I have been arguing and I want to get some."

Priceless.

That's the guy that Ian liked and didn't want to commit to me because of.

Now I dont want to date him.

a-hole.

( Read more... )

I know that I only post stuff here when I'm in a bad mood. I'm sorry ( Read more... )

ian is a selfish person and I wish that I had never met him. It has only fucked up my life to be envolved with him. I wish he'd move out and I would never have to see him again.

I miss my friends and at the same time, don't want to see anyone because I feel so stupid.

Low self-esteem is a funny thing. I feel like crap about myself on a pretty regular basis. These feelings are just reinforced times ten right now because I have put myself in another bad position where I am living with someone who doesn't want to be with me. I wonder if I did that to myself on purpose. I wonder if I set it up to torture myself ( Read more... )

I cant figure out how to take care of myself and everyone else. I feel very alone right now. I feel super rejected and ugly today and it's not even that different from every other day. The crappy part is that guys only like me when I completely ignore them. alex, ian, nolan. Fuck them all.

im the idiot now.