Nothing has changed. Nothing is going to change for me. I'm too tired to keep trying. As much as it will upset the people around me, I just don't care enough anymore. The one thing that I want to stop caring about the most is the one thing I can't manage to stop caring. I'm tired of all the hurt all the time. All the selfishness. Self centered ( Read more... )

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I don't care. I'm dead now.
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I really need this day to end...Mondays usually suck enough, but today the girl that works the front quit without notice which means that I get to do her job and mine...its been hectic and I've been sweating most of it because it's hot in the office and I've been literally running around here trying to do it all...It's been so irritating... ( Read more... )

I'm in despair...that's the most appropriate word, I think. I'm still drinking. Its only a temporary escape, but an escape none the less. Occasionally I try and reach my hand out for someone to help me, but it either gets smacked away, or they take hold only long enough for me to get a breath, before they let go and I slip back into the dark abyss ( Read more... )

I seem to keep bouncing back and forth from feeling numb and feeling sad...right now I feel really sad and am thinking about leaving work cause I can't handle this shit, but I'm probably gonna force myself to stay. I've got a lot of shit to think about....I'm stuck still loving her, but there's nothing to be done about it. If she wants to stick ( Read more... )

Yesterday I went lifting in Macomb. Didn't do well, but that seems to be the rules anymore. I did reverse band bench and I worked up to doing a bunch of triples then doubles with 400 lbs and blue bands. So about 70 lbs out of the bottom. I used to do that with a good 50 or 60 lbs more. I was just so sad, and I couldn't even seem to do anything. ( Read more... )

I wasn't ready for this. I don't really know what the problem was, but I wasn't ready for it. I went with my parents for lunch at the China Inn buffet. I was trying to forget what was going on, and in walks Emily and Kim. I looked up and saw her walking in the door and we made eye contact and I looked away quickly without saying anything or smiling ( Read more... )

I said it long ago it feels like the beginning of the end... a brief synopsis of yesterday before I get down to it ( Read more... )

I don't know what I am going to do. I'm pretty well back on track with my near-suicidal downward spiral, and I don't really want to get off the tracks...I've been looking at jobs on the internet and I'm going to put my name in the hat to replace geologists in the oil fields in the Niger Delta. It pays a lot for beginning because of the hazard. I ( Read more... )

Like promised, an update about the party...Try to go from the beginning, but no promises... I got over there a little bit after 3pm when it was supposed to start, but apparently Marc, Travis, Larry, and Eric went to Peoria to do a little shopping. Anyway, early on Don got his rider stuck in the ditch in front so Bryce and I went to help him and I ( Read more... )