I ate three days in a row. No more food. I feel bloated when I eat. I feel horribly wrong when I eat, like I'm taking away food from someone who needs it more than I do. Its a feeling that I can't shake. It's strange and I don't know how to accept it. I'm standing on broken glass.

I have bruises and I don't even remember getting them. It's funny. ( Read more... )

I haven't eaten today so far. In my opinion I'm doing good, as long as I don't wake suddenly and eat in the middle of the night ( Read more... )

I'm sick of so called friends. I mean truly. I have to text her first and then wait what seems what hours for a text back. I gave her a Christmas present, even though it was a mixed cd and a card. I get nothing in return ( Read more... )

I hate the fact that when I actually I sleep walk, and when that happens I end up eating. It's sickening. I've done that for the past two nights. I fear sleeping now.

This song tells so much about me. Its what I feel, its who I am, what I want to be and so much more that I can not explain, the song explains it well.

"The Outsider"

Help me if you can
It's just that this, this is not the way I'm wired
So could you please,

Help me understand why
You've given in to all these
Reckless dark desires

You're lying to ( Read more... )

Telling lies with

ruby ink, eyes sutured

closed. Step away

from the fire, safe

from truth, they

don’t give a fuck

about you precious.

All the pretty girls

lined up do their

psychological romance.

Wired narcissism

bleeds into self

destructing veins.

Disconnected from

reality. Fed pills

daily in white Dixie

cups. Standing hollow
( Read more... )

Words cannot speak
through a sewn mouth,
tiny blood drops gather
at the corners miniscule screams
slip through the tiniest
of opening, spoken
like a virgin, blood
stained sheets
strewn on the semen
soaked mattress
that lays in the corner
of the dank basement

empty eye sockets
glow under a black
light, eerie and strange,
shadows caught between
( Read more... )

l-o-v-e was a

word I never

knew, but h.a.t.e

was carved into

my skin, insanity

was branded into

my mind.

I have my gun

Loaded, can

You pull the trigger

I can use somebody,

Under cover under

The grave. Is it you?

All the night I sharpen

My skin. Will it make you

Notice? Too much

Breathing room, I can’t

Breathe, please, come

Home ( Read more... )

Update:

• I ate on day 15/16 I believe. I don't even remember when that was.
• Yesterday I ate, I know I didn't eat on Saturday.
• Sunday I was sick, so sick, I was dry heaving.
• My back hurts today.

I'm not eating today. I refuse to eat. See what happens when I make an attempt to eat. I have 3 amazing friends online. *you know who you are* They keep telling ( Read more... )

This day 14 without a decent meal. I can't force myself to eat anything more than crackers or just bite of my mom's meal. I know its going to far. But yet I don't care. I can't cry, because I know its weakness. I know I said that before ( Read more... )