-
easy
easy to talk to
convenient when lonely
easy to use for attention
convenient when neglected
easy to interest
conveniently keeping me interacting
easy to discard
convenient to hide the evidence
-
fucking ache
it hurts so bad
down in my chest and belly
hands constantly shaking
on high alert and nervy
i know they say you gotta be good
all on your own
but it’s all i can do to make it
through the day intact
it hurts so empty&heavy in my body
a void
a fucking ache
i can only numb
with drink&distraction
still have bruises to remind me
of his idea of my worth
fading so slow
( Read more... ) -
You poor thing
Bless your whole entire heart
You really thought
At least in some level
He was some thing
You really thought
He gave a single shit
Bless you
You naive sweet soul
I love you for that
I love you for it
I promise
You’ve got so much more
Ahead of you
And you haven’t lost
A single moment
A single shred of your dignity
You never gave it to him
He never got it
Claimed he ( Read more... ) -
mercy, mercy
all the noisy electrical activity, stop
the poppy snow between my ears
mercy, please, enough
i don’t have it in me tonight
turn the black&white
into quiet black
or midnight blue
or a fresh green clean lung-full
of the silence i hear all about
just a still
solid
peace
one time
i’m between channels
arms pulling sore
against the upstream push
of and against
your skin ( Read more... ) -
Ah nvm
Entire worlds of drama happening in my head, crashing loud and harsh
while
quietly sitting in the back hatch with the volume on low, finding your lips in the dark
I can see it
-
(Untitled)
Unbelievable
It’s crazy all the ways you feel through the grieving and finally settle on nothing because that’s easier.
And that nothing-peace gets interrupted
partly by your bullheaded insistence to find another heart for your heart and
partly by the first man that gives you the tiniest speck of attention
Because this one is so different right? He’s ( Read more... ) -
Like a ton of bricks
It hits hard
Like a ton of bricks
Listen to that same music from 9th
“You’re into depression
Cause it matches your eyes”
Fuck!
Man, the joy I feel right now
It’s the feeling of someone understanding
The joy of being understood
Mosh in your living room
Next to your Ashley sectional
Just cry because this is it
This is the stuff.
-
It’s me
Took myself to the movies.
Had a good time with myself.
Had some popcorn until the kernel shells poked my soft palette and then soothed my hurt with a cherry coke.
Got worked up in the drama and forgot about the other things.
Forgot I was sitting alone in a near empty theater.
Came right home after and opened the box wine.
Lil bit to relax.
Listening to ( Read more... ) -
Oh.
He wasn’t actually real. The made-up version of him in my head was so far removed from reality. I didn’t lose anything, it turns out. I was in love with an idea.
I’m capable of loving someone, though. That’s a good sign.
I think that some one is me.
I wish I knew then what I know now. Wish I had all of this knowledge in my arsenal & therapy under my ( Read more... ) -
Fuck it all
Fuck it all
Send a million Spotify links
Tell him to block me
He won’t block me
It’s means absolutely
Nothing
Pestering feels good
Feels like at least something
Better than nothing