'Approaching Normal' - Chapter Two
Prologue *** Chapter One
Hey everyone! Thanks so much to those of you who read and left a note about the first chapter. That is so greatly appreciated, I can't even tell you.
Know what else is appreciated? Having a wonder woman beta like Becky is. I don't know that I've ever needed it before, but she had to exert some pressure and open my eyes about a thing or two, and I'm just really grateful and really appreciative about that. So, a million thanks to Becky! From all of us!
Chapter Two - There is No Beginning
Some things never change, except the ones you wish wouldn’t.
We load up Peyton’s car with my bags, and head for the airport. We chat about the inconsequential things, the little things of every day life like how excited Chelsea is for college, and ignore the giant, looming things like going back to Tree Hill. Like the possibility of running into Brooke or Dan or someone else neither of us has a desire to see ever again. It’s like we can sweep those things under the rug, and pretend like they don’t exist, even when they’re staring us in the face.
The entire plane ride, layover included, is the same. No talk about anything Tree Hill, not even Luke. Just chattering on and on about how much it sucks that school is over for Peyton, and in some ways just beginning for me. She already has a job lined up, as an art therapist for mentally disabled children at an elementary school in the inner city, and I’ll be back at USC for medical school. Life marches on.
When we land, both of us release shaky breaths and then look at each other and laugh. Despite the overwhelming paranoia both of us have about this, the fear that something will happen to upset the balances we’ve found for our lives, each of us sees that this unnatural fear of a place is ridiculous. We both know it, but neither of us can really accept it.
As we speed towards town, with me driving the rental car in a rare showing of magnanimity when it comes to cars, Peyton takes a deep breath of the heavy Carolina air. “Sometimes I forget Brooke isn’t my best friend anymore.”
”And sometimes I forget Luke isn’t mine,” I note.
“What?” she screeches loudly, outraged. No sure if that’s on his behalf, or her own. “If it isn’t Luke, who is it?”
“You, dumbass!”
“Don’t call me names, I want an answer!”
“You comma dumbass,” I laugh. “It’s you, Peyt. Come on, you know I love Luke, and that he’ll always be my go-to guy for some things. But you’ve been there for me every day the last four or so years. You’re my best friend, you’re the one who knows everything about me, everything I want and wish for and miss and regret. Plus, who else could keep me sane all the while driving me completely insane?”
She sniffs and aws. “You’re mine, too.”
“Yeah, thanks. I managed to figured that much out,” I smile, shrieking when she throws her arms around me. “Hey, driving here!”
“Sorry, sorry,” she mumbles, not sorry at all. “See, I think maybe this is going to be better than either of us planned.” I throw her a dubious look. “No, really!”
“How the hell do you figure?”
“Face the demons, bury the past, insert your own colloquialism here.”
“Very nice,” I chuckle, but it dies on my lips as I slow the car as we approach the town. Peyton falls silent, too, taking in the water tower that she and I painted one night when she overheard Brooke talking about how she was going to go after Luke, regardless of the promises she’d made to Peyton. It was a sign of solidarity against Brooke, and we were practically inseparable ever since that night.
“Okay, I was wrong. It is way weird to be back,” she says in a near-whisper. “Too damn weird for words.”
I nod, having nothing to add to that. I unconsciously slow the car even further as we pass the high school and then the river court, both of us sucking in hasty breaths of air at the sight of the abandoned court.
“God,” she mutters, closing her eyes as I ease the car onto the street the café is on. “This is hard, Hales.”
“Yeah, it really is,” I agree, the memories passing through me with aching speed. I parallel park on the street, and we both sit in the car, staring at the bright green awning above the door. “I guess we should go in.”
“Probably,” she agrees reluctantly, but neither of us moves even a muscle.
Choking out a laugh, I open the door. “Let’s just stop being ridiculous and go in there. What’s the worst that could happen, right?”
She sighs, getting out, too. We walk in together, huddled close enough that we end up linking arms to keep from knocking into one another. In true ‘worst nightmare’ fashion, Deb Scott is behind the counter, laughing as she pours coffee for a customer.
“We can go, they haven’t seen us,” Peyton whispers hastily. “We’ll call Luke and tell him to come over to the house.”
“No, it’s okay,” I assure her, even though I’m not sure it is. “I’m not afraid of her.”
“Never thought you were,” she grins, swinging my arm in hers. “Hey, Lucas Scott! Get your porcupine head over here and give me a kiss!”
I roll my eyes laughing. He looks up, a huge grin on his face as he makes his way over here. She’s in his arms before she can even say ‘hi’, and feeling a tiny bit like an intruder, I make my way over to Karen, who welcomes me with open arms.
“Haley, look at you!” she smiles, a little watery as tears fill her eyes. “You look beyond gorgeous, honey! How are you, how was graduation? When does med school start?”
“Let her breathe, Mom!” Luke jokes from behind, hooking his arm over my shoulder. “Hey buddy, I missed you.”
“I just saw you in Austin on Spring Break,” I remind him tartly, gratefully taking the cup of coffee Karen slides my way before greeting Peyton much the same way she greeted me. “That was practically last month.”
He just smiles benignly at me. “Still too long. Should’ve chosen a med school in Texas, that’s where it’s at.”
“I talked to Lydia this morning,” Karen beams at me. “She said that both of you had lovely graduation ceremonies, and that you both got tons and tons of cheers from your classmates.”
“Well, we’re pretty,” Peyton grins. “And blonde.”
Luke rolls his eyes. “That’s very important in California, right?”
“Oh, right,” I grin. “There’s actually a good story behind me being this blonde. We’ll have to tell it tonight when we’re cleaning.”
Karen shakes her head. “Let me guess, I don’t even want to know, right?”
“No, it’s not bad, not really,” Peyton interjects. “But we have more important things to do here. Like pie.”
“Okay, apple for Haley, pecan for Peyton. Coming right up.” Before she can even turn, Deb is sliding the plates across the counter towards us. “Oh, thank you, Deb.”
“You’re welcome. I just thought you girls looked hungry. I know the in-flight meals aren’t quite what they used to be, after all.” She swings her glance my way. “How are you, Haley? You really do look lovely.”
“Oh, I’m doing well, thanks,” I manage to smile at her, despite the overwhelming awkwardness I’m feeling. “I’m really looking forward to starting med school in the fall.”
“Karen told me about that. Congratulations. Your parents must be so proud of you,” she sighs wistfully. “I think that’s just wonderful.”
“Um, thank you,” I smile, a little less forced this time. “I’ve wanted to be a doctor since forever, so this is pretty thrilling for me.”
“I bet,” she grins. “Well, it’s lovely to see you again. Both of you.”
“Thanks,” Peyton and I answer in unison.
We make small talk after that, catching up on their lives and them on ours. It’s relaxing and fun and I actually have such a good time that I forget where I am for a bit. The heaviness of Tree Hill abates for awhile, and the relief is wonderful. We stay there for a few hours, Peyton and Luke flirting and kissing, Karen and I talking. Even though it has been less than twenty four hours since I’ve seen her, it makes me miss my own mother even more.
“Okay, we should get going,” I sigh to Peyton and Luke, unsurprisingly not eager to start cleaning up and packing someone else’s house, especially knowing that this will be hard on Peyton. I remember how upset I was when I helped my parents go through everything in the house I grew up in, so at least I sort of know what’s coming for her.
“Yeah,” Peyton agrees, sighing a little as she sets her coffee cup down. “I guess we should just get a move on and do it, right?”
“Sounds about right,” Luke agrees, reaching out to grab Peyt’s hand and give it a sympathetic squeeze. “Then again, we could put it off for a day or two? We could hit a bar and relive the good ol’ days.”
Peyton and I both groan at the suggestion, shaking our heads as we shoot it down. “Yeah, because remembering how my former best friend is a big, betraying bitch is just what I wanted to do,” Peyton mutters sarcastically, grabbing her purse. “Come on, let’s just go get this over with.” She glances around, motioning Karen over when she catches her eye. “You’ll come over for dinner tonight or tomorrow, right? I mean, I’ll be cooking, so it will actually be edible.”
Karen laughs heartily at that, knowing exactly what kind of disasters Luke and I are in the kitchen. The irony of that is not lost on anyone; that Peyton, the one who grew up without a domestically inclined parent after her mom died would be the best cook of us, is something of a joke between the three of us. Well, it’s a joke to Peyton, and Luke and I let her get away with it once in awhile.
“I’ll definitely be there, but probably not before seven. Things have been busy here, and the waitress called in sick. I don’t want to leave Deb here while it’s still busy.”
“Oh, don’t worry,” Deb tells her as she passes by. “I’ll be fine. And if I’m not, I’ll just drag my lazy - “ She cuts herself off abruptly, coughing to cover the pause. “Well, I’ll get help in here if I need it.”
Peyton and I stare at her blankly, but Luke and Karen shift uncomfortably. Luke pastes a huge smile on his face before turning to usher us out. As he pushes us towards the door, he holds his hand to his mouth, making the universal boozer signal. I can’t help but stiffen in surprise - and maybe a touch in doubt. She seems so…fine. When we graduated high school, she’d showed up at the ceremony even though Nathan hadn’t even finished at Tree Hill High with the rest of us. She’d been drunker than I’d ever seen her, and rumors swirled that she’d been under the influence of more than alcohol, but after embarrassing herself quite thoroughly that day, she’d gotten her act together.
Or so I thought?
Shaking off thoughts of Deb and whatever problems she might have, I allow Luke to push me gently towards the door as we say our hasty goodbyes to Deb and Karen. Any concern over her flees, and before long, all of my other, more permanent concerns are back as Peyton drives us towards her childhood home. My best friend is looking pastier than usual, and even Luke has pulled his head out far enough to notice how distressed she’s getting. He keeps asking her over and over how she is, if she’d rather put it off a day, blah blah.
She refuses him, though, and we drive the rest of the way to the house in tense silence. When she pulls up and turns off the car, none of us are quick to get out and go inside. Finally, Peyton takes a deep breath and turns to share a tremulous smile with us. “Thanks for sitting here with me. I think I’m ready to go in now.”
“Okay, let’s do this then,” I say with as much enthusiasm as I can muster, which considering it’s a hot June day in North Carolina and I have to help pack up a house, isn’t much. But at least I try.
Luke shoots me an amused look, but is the first to open his door and climb out of the car. “It looks the same,” he notes needlessly, shrugging defensively when Peyt and I look at each other and crack up. “What? It does! I don’t know, I haven’t been here since the night before you left for California, Peyton. I guess it feels like something should’ve changed in that time.”
Thinking on it for a minute, I guess he’s not wrong. Maybe I had that expectation, too. I’ve changed so much, and I guess a part of me expected that Tree Hill would be different in some obvious, fundamental way as well. So much for that, though. It looks just like it did four years ago. Go figure. But I’ve changed. Really. Well, probably.
Sighing, I tell them just that. “Maybe because we’ve all changed, it’s easy to think Tree Hill would’ve changed, too. I don’t know, I guess it would be easier if it was different, right?”
“Right,” Peyton agrees, emphatically nodding her head. “That’s exactly right. That everything is the same makes it that much more impossible to avoid our demons. We might actually have to face them.”
“Something like that,” I giggle, unable to help myself. This time Luke is the one to roll his eyes. Peevishly, I poke him lightly on the chest. “What?”
He shrugs, shaking his head. “You two are so weird. That’s all.”
Peyton rolls her eyes, handing me my bag out of the trunk. “Whatever. Your mom told us about your cowboy hat collection, Scott. I wouldn’t be playing the ‘weird’ card so early in the day, if you know what I’m saying.”
“That is not - well, it’s not a collection,” he grumbles, inciting laughter from both Peyt and I. “It’s - there are only three. That’s hardly a collection.”
“What are we going to do with you?” I mock him with a sad look, trying to stop myself from laughing with Peyton. “Really, Luke, three? Are they the big ten-gallon ones? Or the John Wayne ones? Oh, are those the same?”
“Ha,” Luke deadpans, reaching out to throw an arm over my shoulder in a hug. “Although you’re an unbelievable brat, I’ve missed you.”
Smiling up at him, I lean my head on his shoulder. “I missed you, too.” Shaking my head to clear it of the sentimentalism that was encroaching on the normal functions of my brain, I give him a shove towards the house. “Come on, let’s go in.”
Peyton snickers, getting her key out and opening the front door after setting her bag down on the porch. “I’d forgotten how brilliantly mature the Hales and Luke show is. And I’d forgotten how much I had totally not missed it.”
“Hey, you just got treated to it a couple of months ago for spring break,” Luke reminds, dropping a kiss on her cheek.
“That was different,” Peyton shrugs. “I think being back in Tree Hill is having a negative effect on your maturity levels. I, on the other hand, appear to be impervious to such juvenileness.”
She stops as she gets the door open, drawing in a huge breath as she looks around her. Sheets cover the furniture, and a thin layer of dust covers everything, the particles glinting in the sunlight let in by the open door. Luke and I step in beside her, him grabbing her hand and me standing close enough to brush arms and let her know I’m there.
“Well, this place is the same, too,” she notes blandly, but there’s an undercurrent of something else, and the air suddenly feels thick with tension. She takes another step into the room, giving herself a little shake before turning to look back at us. “Sorry, I don’t mean to be so morose about all this. I just - “
“You’re a little bummed about packing up your childhood home,” I respond blithely, giving her a sympathetic smile. “It’s okay to be upset about it, Peyt.”
She nods. “Yeah, well, we’ll see. Maybe it won’t be so bad. Then again, considering I haven’t been back here in four years, do I really have the right to be upset about anything?”
“Of course!” I insist. “It’s always hard to say goodbye to a part of your childhood.” I pause, pulling the sheet off of a loveseat. “Oh, I forgot how awesome some of the furniture is here. You definitely are going to have to ship some of this out to LA.”
“Yeah,” Luke agrees. “You’ll pick out the best things, and the ones that mean the most to you, and we’ll get all of those out there. Anything you want.”
Peyton smiles gratefully at him, moving into his arms. I immediately feel like a complete third wheel, and back out of the room and out the front door, sitting down on the porch. Peyton’s house wasn’t a place I spent a whole lot of time, at least until the summer before our senior year. And then I moved into one of the spare bedrooms after Nathan and I broke up, and I guess the rest, as they say, is history.
Breathing deeply, it’s almost amazing to me how much even the simple smell of Tree Hill seems to catapult me back in time. I suppose it could be the combination of being back here altogether, but I don’t know. The smell is getting to me. It reminds me of sitting on the steps of our porch with my mother when I was too young to go to school, but the only one young enough not to. We’d wait together for the rest of them to come home.
It reminds me of playing mini-golf with Luke on the roof of his mother’s café, of drowning ourselves with coffee on Sunday mornings after a little too much partying the night before with Peyton. It reminds me of sitting at the river court, flirting with Nathan and offering myself up as a bribe for him to quit playing and take me home. It reminded me of the bribe working, and him pressing me up against the side of the car as we made out.
And it harkens back to finding my husband with another girl in that same car, and friendships ruined, and hearts broken. You take the good with the bad, I guess.
I’m not sure how long I’m out here before the slamming of a neighbor’s car door jolts me out of my reverie. Sighing, I stand up and head back into the house to help Luke and Peyton get things taken care of. All of sudden, the air feels cloying and heavy, like a wool blanket draped over my entire body on the hottest day of summer. I don’t want to be here; I don’t know if I can be here!
“Hales?” Luke says softly, meeting me in the hallway. “I was just about to drag you in. You doing alright?”
“I don’t know,” I answer semi-honestly. “This is harder than I thought it would be. Easier in some ways, but a lot harder in others.”
He nods his understanding, taking a deep breath. “I should tell you something, that I don’t know if you’ll want to know.” Instinctively, I tense up, waiting for whatever blow he’s about to rain down on me. “Nathan is in town. That’s - that’s who Deb was referring to having help at the café earlier. Nathan.”
Oh. Well, that was not something I was expecting. Or wanting. Shoot, what am I supposed to do with that kind of knowledge? Hopefully this isn’t Luke’s deluded way of encouraging me to find Nathan, because that isn’t going to happen under any circumstances. Or maybe it is his way of warning me to hole up in some dark room of the house and refuse to leave for any reason? Seriously, that was definitely the better option.
“Okay,” I manage to say with a calm I am definitely not feeling. “What am I supposed to do with that knowledge?”
“Nothing,” he shrugs. “Everything. I don’t know, Haley. It just seemed unfair for you not to know, and if something happened and we ran into him, you’d have had my head. I personally haven’t seen him, but from what Mom says, he’s back now. I just didn’t want you to be unprepared if we bumped into him.”
I nod, rolling my eyes. “Right, so this is about covering your own behind. Nice, Luke. That’s really great. And hey, you put a pretty decent spin on it, so kudos to you.”
He lets out a huff of displeasure. “Knock it off. You know that isn’t what I meant, and I sort of resent you implying it was.”
Feeling my irritation with him drain away, I reach out and lay a hand on his arm. “Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry. I guess I am just a little taken aback by that little bit of news.”
“It’s fine,” he dismisses immediately, looping an arm over my shoulder and guiding me towards the stairs. “Look, Peyton is up there. Talk to her.” I glance up at him, blinking in surprise. “What? I know that she’s the one you’ll want to talk to. I’m not stupid, Hales. Well, not all of the time, anyway.”
“Rarely,” I laugh, leaning my head on his shoulder. “I would prefer to talk to Peyton about this, though. It’s not, I mean, it has nothing to do with you or me or you and me.”
He nods again, chuckling quietly at my babbling explanation. “It’s cool. Things are different, and she’s your go-to now. I get it, and I understand.”
He’s letting me off the hook, and I should be grateful for that, I suppose. But there’s this encroaching guilt that is sort of taking prominence over the gratefulness. Realistically, I know there is nothing to feel guilty about - people change, and they don’t always change together. That’s what happened with Luke and me; in some ways, we’re probably lucky to still be as close as we are.
“I feel like a jerk,” I sigh, picking at a tiny ball of lint pilled on the edge of my tank top. “We always said that it would always be us against the world, and I feel like I didn’t hold up my end of that very well.”
“Don’t,” he commands softly. “Don’t feel bad. Look, it happens. Did I figure that it would? No, of course not. But that doesn’t mean anyone did anything wrong, right?”
I shrug, suddenly tired. “I don’t know, maybe I did do something wrong. Come on, Luke. You’re not at all mad that I’m closer to Peyton now?”
He shakes his head. “It makes me sad, sometimes, but I’m not mad. Come on, you are two of my favorite people in the world. What’s to be mad about?”
“It hurts when things change sometimes,” I offer, thinking painful thoughts of Nathan. “And it hurts even worse when someone changes on you. Or you change on them.”
“Sometimes,” he agrees with a knowing smile. “But sometimes maybe it is just something to be happy about or proud of. I’m glad you and Peyt have each other out there, and I’m even happier that you’re so close. Maybe it makes it easier knowing it is her, but I don’t view it as a bad thing.”
“Is it weird for you at all, being back here, I mean?” I ask, abruptly changing the subject (sort of). “You know how weird it is for me and Peyt, but you never really say much about how it is for you.”
Glancing down at the floor, he shrugs. “It’s weird. I think that’s mostly because you and Peyton aren’t here, though. Well, you usually aren’t. But it isn’t…I don’t know, I have bad memories, I mean, Dan and all that, but I don’t feel like I lost everything here the way you two do.”
Is that it? Is it the sense of loss that makes me feel so very ill at ease here? It makes a twisted sort of sense, I suppose. This is where I lost Nathan, at least in the tangible sense. The truth was, of course, that I’d probably lost him months before that not long after I’d left, when I was in some dingy hotel room in some small city or town that I wouldn’t even recognize now by sight. But this is where I was when things became final, and maybe that’s what I still feel now.
“I guess that makes sense,” I offer with a nod. Maybe Luke still knows me better than I’d thought. “So, Nathan is really in Tree Hill right now? I figured he’d leave and never look back?”
“Nathan?” Luke blinks, comfortingly not phased by yet another change of subject. “Yeah, he’s here. Mom says he comes home a lot, that he has all through college.”
“Oh,” I say stupidly. “Is he - why does he come back? Is he seeing someone here or something?”
A funny look crosses Luke’s face, an unhealthy cross between a grimace and blatant curiosity, before he shakes his head in the negative. “No. I guess he doesn’t, um, date much, which I only know because it bothers Deb that he won’t commit to more than drunken debauchery with a girl since - “
“Since me,” I finish for him when he breaks off abruptly. “So, what? I broke him, is that what you’re getting at? Is that what everyone thinks?” Okay, so I’m a touch defensive, it’s not like I don’t have reason, right?
Luke rolls his eyes, snorting back a laugh. “Jeez, someone is a little self-involved, huh? California mess with your head much? Come on, Hales. Do you really think anyone blames you for whatever mess Nathan has made of his personal life? Really, he just got back on the path he’d spent most of his life cavorting down before you two got together. Maybe that’s just who he is.”
I didn’t believe that. Even now, after all these years, I didn’t believe that, not even for a single second. That is not who Nathan Scott was, and it shouldn’t be who he is. And I, well, I should not be bothered by it, but here I am.
“He isn’t,” I whisper, squeezing my eyes shut as the now-painful memories wash over me. “That isn’t who Nathan is.”
“Why are you talking about him?” Peyton asks sharply, standing at the top of the stairs. “Did you bring him up, Lucas Eugene Scott?”
We both blink up at her for a minute before dissolving into laughter at her use of Luke’s full name. “It isn’t what you think, Peyt,” Luke chuckles, sobering when he earns himself another glare from his girlfriend. “Look, I just wanted to warn her that he’s in town. That’s the only reason I bothered to bring him up.” He looks between the two of us. “Well, I think we’re going to need more boxes than what I brought over last week. I’ll run to the café and see if Mom has any, and if not, I’ll see if I can scrape any up elsewhere.”
Distractedly, I nod my agreement. All of a sudden, I don’t want to talk to Peyton about this. It isn’t like this will be the first time we’ve had conversations about Nathan. In fact, I can already hear her scolding me for even sparing a thought for him. It’s fair, I know it is, after all the tears and whining and boohoo-ing I’ve done on her shoulders over the years. But it still isn’t particularly fun.
“Do I even have to say it?” she asks wearily, starting down the stairs. Sighing, I start climbing them, and when we meet in the middle, we sit down next to each other. “Okay, so I don’t. Are you okay knowing he’s probably five minutes away?”
“Sure,” I nod eagerly, glad to reassure someone, if not myself, that Nathan’s proximity doesn’t have the least bit of effect on me.
“Haley,” she sighs in warning, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. “Don’t give me the ‘I’m fine’ spiel. You know I’m not dumb enough - or boy enough - to fall for that.”
“What am I supposed to be then?” I wonder somewhat rhetorically. “I don’t know what I am, okay? Knowing that he’s here doesn’t really make a difference. Being back here is enough of a reminder of all things Nathan as it is, and frankly, even if he somehow found out I was here, it’s not like he’d stop by to say hi.” Or declare his undying love for me after professing his previous mistake in ending our marriage and begging for my forgiveness. Not that I want that or even think about it. Much.
No, I don’t want it at all. I can’t, I just can’t afford to right now. Too many things are changing and life is moving way too quickly for me to indulge in the luxury of missing something that I haven’t had for years and wishing for things I’ll never have again.
She gives me a bland look, drawing her shoulders up in a helpless shrug. “I’m sorry that I dragged you back here. If I’d thought for even a second that he’d be here, I wouldn’t have pestered you into coming with.”
“It’s no more your fault than it is mine or Luke’s - well, maybe it is Luke’s a little bit,” I smirk, eliciting a small peal of laughter from her. “Look, like I said, I won’t see him, so it isn’t that big of a deal. It really isn’t. It doesn’t make it harder, nor does it make it easier.”
“’Nor’?” she laughs. “God, you’re such a dork sometimes.”
“Hey!” I protest laughingly, ramming her shoulder lightly with my own. “That was uncalled for! Sue me for having an English minor!”
“You sure you’re okay?” she asks quietly. “It’s okay if you aren’t. I mean, I’m not really okay knowing that Brooke is in town, and could just pop over any time she wanted. And with her, you never know if she’ll want to or not.”
Repressing a shudder at the thought of Brooke Davis turning up on the doorstep, I roll my eyes at her. “So if she does, I punch her, and that’s that. Taking out the trash and all that.”
We laugh together, staying on the steps chatting until Luke gets back, his arms laden with boxes. He raises an eyebrow inquiringly, but wisely refrains from commenting on our lack of packing. After he tosses them to the ground, he glances back up at us. “There’s a new club in town. First one since Tric closed. Feel like going out?”
Oh, he asks it so casually, like it’s a normal Saturday night. As if we hadn’t flown across the country for the sole purpose of packing up Peyton’s childhood home. God, he’s always been dense, but this….
“Yes!” Peyton enthuses, jumping. “Yes, that’s exactly what we should do.” I think I actually snort in disbelief, amazingly enough. “Oh, come on, Haley! We’re young and free from school for the first time in four years, and it’s a Saturday night! And frankly, I’m not quite ready to box up my entire childhood, so let me procrastinate for just one night.”
“What happened to get in, get out, nobody gets hurt?” I whine, knowing that they’re going to gang up on me and guilt me into going. “I thought we were going to pack and go, Peyt!”
“Well,” she sighs, sticking her lower lip out in an obnoxious pout, “We could do that, or we could reward ourselves for our years of hard work culminating in our graduating from college?”
Rolling my eyes, I shrug tensely. I don’t want to go out in Tree Hill. I don’t even want to be in Tree Hill, so why would I want to go out here under the pretense of having fun? “Why don’t you guys go out, and I’ll stay here and pack?” I throw out hopefully. “Think how much I could get done without you two to distract me!”
Luke immediately adopts a huffy look, and Peyton shakes her head. “Nope, sorry, doesn’t work that way, best friend of mine,” Peyton chides me. “Really, it’ll be fun. I need to get out of here, to put this off for one night, and I want both of you with me.”
“Wouldn’t it be more fun if you two went, oh, I don’t know, on a romantic date that didn’t include me? Don’t you think that would be a better use of your time?”
“Probably,” Luke agrees, winking at me. “But we like you, too, and it would be fun if all three of us went out. Who knows when we’ll get the chance to do that again?”
Oh, guilt. Lovely. The fastest way to get me to agree to anything, bar jumping off bridges. And that’s mostly because I’m so terrified of heights, not because the guilt doesn’t work. “Okay, fine,” I ground out, glaring at Luke malevolently. I’ll get my revenge on him, eventually. “But we aren’t staying out late. And if either of you gets drunk, so help me, I will hurt you both!”
“Fine, fine,” Peyton sighs, rolling her eyes at me. “We’ll be on our best behavior. We can manage that, right, Lukey?”
“No drinking, scout’s honor,” he pledges, grinning back and forth between the two of us.
“I’d feel better about that promise if you’d actually, oh, you know, been a scout,” I tease him, laughing when he does. I don’t want to go out here, but if I am, at least it is with these two.
Starting back up the stairs, Peyton pauses just below me. “Well? Come on, let’s go get ready. Don’t you want to look pretty for Tree Hill?”
Rolling my eyes at Luke, I allow her to pull me up the rest of the stairs to her room. What the hell was I thinking, agreeing to come back here?
Chapter Three *** Chapter Four
Hey everyone! Thanks so much to those of you who read and left a note about the first chapter. That is so greatly appreciated, I can't even tell you.
Know what else is appreciated? Having a wonder woman beta like Becky is. I don't know that I've ever needed it before, but she had to exert some pressure and open my eyes about a thing or two, and I'm just really grateful and really appreciative about that. So, a million thanks to Becky! From all of us!
Chapter Two - There is No Beginning
Some things never change, except the ones you wish wouldn’t.
We load up Peyton’s car with my bags, and head for the airport. We chat about the inconsequential things, the little things of every day life like how excited Chelsea is for college, and ignore the giant, looming things like going back to Tree Hill. Like the possibility of running into Brooke or Dan or someone else neither of us has a desire to see ever again. It’s like we can sweep those things under the rug, and pretend like they don’t exist, even when they’re staring us in the face.
The entire plane ride, layover included, is the same. No talk about anything Tree Hill, not even Luke. Just chattering on and on about how much it sucks that school is over for Peyton, and in some ways just beginning for me. She already has a job lined up, as an art therapist for mentally disabled children at an elementary school in the inner city, and I’ll be back at USC for medical school. Life marches on.
When we land, both of us release shaky breaths and then look at each other and laugh. Despite the overwhelming paranoia both of us have about this, the fear that something will happen to upset the balances we’ve found for our lives, each of us sees that this unnatural fear of a place is ridiculous. We both know it, but neither of us can really accept it.
As we speed towards town, with me driving the rental car in a rare showing of magnanimity when it comes to cars, Peyton takes a deep breath of the heavy Carolina air. “Sometimes I forget Brooke isn’t my best friend anymore.”
”And sometimes I forget Luke isn’t mine,” I note.
“What?” she screeches loudly, outraged. No sure if that’s on his behalf, or her own. “If it isn’t Luke, who is it?”
“You, dumbass!”
“Don’t call me names, I want an answer!”
“You comma dumbass,” I laugh. “It’s you, Peyt. Come on, you know I love Luke, and that he’ll always be my go-to guy for some things. But you’ve been there for me every day the last four or so years. You’re my best friend, you’re the one who knows everything about me, everything I want and wish for and miss and regret. Plus, who else could keep me sane all the while driving me completely insane?”
She sniffs and aws. “You’re mine, too.”
“Yeah, thanks. I managed to figured that much out,” I smile, shrieking when she throws her arms around me. “Hey, driving here!”
“Sorry, sorry,” she mumbles, not sorry at all. “See, I think maybe this is going to be better than either of us planned.” I throw her a dubious look. “No, really!”
“How the hell do you figure?”
“Face the demons, bury the past, insert your own colloquialism here.”
“Very nice,” I chuckle, but it dies on my lips as I slow the car as we approach the town. Peyton falls silent, too, taking in the water tower that she and I painted one night when she overheard Brooke talking about how she was going to go after Luke, regardless of the promises she’d made to Peyton. It was a sign of solidarity against Brooke, and we were practically inseparable ever since that night.
“Okay, I was wrong. It is way weird to be back,” she says in a near-whisper. “Too damn weird for words.”
I nod, having nothing to add to that. I unconsciously slow the car even further as we pass the high school and then the river court, both of us sucking in hasty breaths of air at the sight of the abandoned court.
“God,” she mutters, closing her eyes as I ease the car onto the street the café is on. “This is hard, Hales.”
“Yeah, it really is,” I agree, the memories passing through me with aching speed. I parallel park on the street, and we both sit in the car, staring at the bright green awning above the door. “I guess we should go in.”
“Probably,” she agrees reluctantly, but neither of us moves even a muscle.
Choking out a laugh, I open the door. “Let’s just stop being ridiculous and go in there. What’s the worst that could happen, right?”
She sighs, getting out, too. We walk in together, huddled close enough that we end up linking arms to keep from knocking into one another. In true ‘worst nightmare’ fashion, Deb Scott is behind the counter, laughing as she pours coffee for a customer.
“We can go, they haven’t seen us,” Peyton whispers hastily. “We’ll call Luke and tell him to come over to the house.”
“No, it’s okay,” I assure her, even though I’m not sure it is. “I’m not afraid of her.”
“Never thought you were,” she grins, swinging my arm in hers. “Hey, Lucas Scott! Get your porcupine head over here and give me a kiss!”
I roll my eyes laughing. He looks up, a huge grin on his face as he makes his way over here. She’s in his arms before she can even say ‘hi’, and feeling a tiny bit like an intruder, I make my way over to Karen, who welcomes me with open arms.
“Haley, look at you!” she smiles, a little watery as tears fill her eyes. “You look beyond gorgeous, honey! How are you, how was graduation? When does med school start?”
“Let her breathe, Mom!” Luke jokes from behind, hooking his arm over my shoulder. “Hey buddy, I missed you.”
“I just saw you in Austin on Spring Break,” I remind him tartly, gratefully taking the cup of coffee Karen slides my way before greeting Peyton much the same way she greeted me. “That was practically last month.”
He just smiles benignly at me. “Still too long. Should’ve chosen a med school in Texas, that’s where it’s at.”
“I talked to Lydia this morning,” Karen beams at me. “She said that both of you had lovely graduation ceremonies, and that you both got tons and tons of cheers from your classmates.”
“Well, we’re pretty,” Peyton grins. “And blonde.”
Luke rolls his eyes. “That’s very important in California, right?”
“Oh, right,” I grin. “There’s actually a good story behind me being this blonde. We’ll have to tell it tonight when we’re cleaning.”
Karen shakes her head. “Let me guess, I don’t even want to know, right?”
“No, it’s not bad, not really,” Peyton interjects. “But we have more important things to do here. Like pie.”
“Okay, apple for Haley, pecan for Peyton. Coming right up.” Before she can even turn, Deb is sliding the plates across the counter towards us. “Oh, thank you, Deb.”
“You’re welcome. I just thought you girls looked hungry. I know the in-flight meals aren’t quite what they used to be, after all.” She swings her glance my way. “How are you, Haley? You really do look lovely.”
“Oh, I’m doing well, thanks,” I manage to smile at her, despite the overwhelming awkwardness I’m feeling. “I’m really looking forward to starting med school in the fall.”
“Karen told me about that. Congratulations. Your parents must be so proud of you,” she sighs wistfully. “I think that’s just wonderful.”
“Um, thank you,” I smile, a little less forced this time. “I’ve wanted to be a doctor since forever, so this is pretty thrilling for me.”
“I bet,” she grins. “Well, it’s lovely to see you again. Both of you.”
“Thanks,” Peyton and I answer in unison.
We make small talk after that, catching up on their lives and them on ours. It’s relaxing and fun and I actually have such a good time that I forget where I am for a bit. The heaviness of Tree Hill abates for awhile, and the relief is wonderful. We stay there for a few hours, Peyton and Luke flirting and kissing, Karen and I talking. Even though it has been less than twenty four hours since I’ve seen her, it makes me miss my own mother even more.
“Okay, we should get going,” I sigh to Peyton and Luke, unsurprisingly not eager to start cleaning up and packing someone else’s house, especially knowing that this will be hard on Peyton. I remember how upset I was when I helped my parents go through everything in the house I grew up in, so at least I sort of know what’s coming for her.
“Yeah,” Peyton agrees, sighing a little as she sets her coffee cup down. “I guess we should just get a move on and do it, right?”
“Sounds about right,” Luke agrees, reaching out to grab Peyt’s hand and give it a sympathetic squeeze. “Then again, we could put it off for a day or two? We could hit a bar and relive the good ol’ days.”
Peyton and I both groan at the suggestion, shaking our heads as we shoot it down. “Yeah, because remembering how my former best friend is a big, betraying bitch is just what I wanted to do,” Peyton mutters sarcastically, grabbing her purse. “Come on, let’s just go get this over with.” She glances around, motioning Karen over when she catches her eye. “You’ll come over for dinner tonight or tomorrow, right? I mean, I’ll be cooking, so it will actually be edible.”
Karen laughs heartily at that, knowing exactly what kind of disasters Luke and I are in the kitchen. The irony of that is not lost on anyone; that Peyton, the one who grew up without a domestically inclined parent after her mom died would be the best cook of us, is something of a joke between the three of us. Well, it’s a joke to Peyton, and Luke and I let her get away with it once in awhile.
“I’ll definitely be there, but probably not before seven. Things have been busy here, and the waitress called in sick. I don’t want to leave Deb here while it’s still busy.”
“Oh, don’t worry,” Deb tells her as she passes by. “I’ll be fine. And if I’m not, I’ll just drag my lazy - “ She cuts herself off abruptly, coughing to cover the pause. “Well, I’ll get help in here if I need it.”
Peyton and I stare at her blankly, but Luke and Karen shift uncomfortably. Luke pastes a huge smile on his face before turning to usher us out. As he pushes us towards the door, he holds his hand to his mouth, making the universal boozer signal. I can’t help but stiffen in surprise - and maybe a touch in doubt. She seems so…fine. When we graduated high school, she’d showed up at the ceremony even though Nathan hadn’t even finished at Tree Hill High with the rest of us. She’d been drunker than I’d ever seen her, and rumors swirled that she’d been under the influence of more than alcohol, but after embarrassing herself quite thoroughly that day, she’d gotten her act together.
Or so I thought?
Shaking off thoughts of Deb and whatever problems she might have, I allow Luke to push me gently towards the door as we say our hasty goodbyes to Deb and Karen. Any concern over her flees, and before long, all of my other, more permanent concerns are back as Peyton drives us towards her childhood home. My best friend is looking pastier than usual, and even Luke has pulled his head out far enough to notice how distressed she’s getting. He keeps asking her over and over how she is, if she’d rather put it off a day, blah blah.
She refuses him, though, and we drive the rest of the way to the house in tense silence. When she pulls up and turns off the car, none of us are quick to get out and go inside. Finally, Peyton takes a deep breath and turns to share a tremulous smile with us. “Thanks for sitting here with me. I think I’m ready to go in now.”
“Okay, let’s do this then,” I say with as much enthusiasm as I can muster, which considering it’s a hot June day in North Carolina and I have to help pack up a house, isn’t much. But at least I try.
Luke shoots me an amused look, but is the first to open his door and climb out of the car. “It looks the same,” he notes needlessly, shrugging defensively when Peyt and I look at each other and crack up. “What? It does! I don’t know, I haven’t been here since the night before you left for California, Peyton. I guess it feels like something should’ve changed in that time.”
Thinking on it for a minute, I guess he’s not wrong. Maybe I had that expectation, too. I’ve changed so much, and I guess a part of me expected that Tree Hill would be different in some obvious, fundamental way as well. So much for that, though. It looks just like it did four years ago. Go figure. But I’ve changed. Really. Well, probably.
Sighing, I tell them just that. “Maybe because we’ve all changed, it’s easy to think Tree Hill would’ve changed, too. I don’t know, I guess it would be easier if it was different, right?”
“Right,” Peyton agrees, emphatically nodding her head. “That’s exactly right. That everything is the same makes it that much more impossible to avoid our demons. We might actually have to face them.”
“Something like that,” I giggle, unable to help myself. This time Luke is the one to roll his eyes. Peevishly, I poke him lightly on the chest. “What?”
He shrugs, shaking his head. “You two are so weird. That’s all.”
Peyton rolls her eyes, handing me my bag out of the trunk. “Whatever. Your mom told us about your cowboy hat collection, Scott. I wouldn’t be playing the ‘weird’ card so early in the day, if you know what I’m saying.”
“That is not - well, it’s not a collection,” he grumbles, inciting laughter from both Peyt and I. “It’s - there are only three. That’s hardly a collection.”
“What are we going to do with you?” I mock him with a sad look, trying to stop myself from laughing with Peyton. “Really, Luke, three? Are they the big ten-gallon ones? Or the John Wayne ones? Oh, are those the same?”
“Ha,” Luke deadpans, reaching out to throw an arm over my shoulder in a hug. “Although you’re an unbelievable brat, I’ve missed you.”
Smiling up at him, I lean my head on his shoulder. “I missed you, too.” Shaking my head to clear it of the sentimentalism that was encroaching on the normal functions of my brain, I give him a shove towards the house. “Come on, let’s go in.”
Peyton snickers, getting her key out and opening the front door after setting her bag down on the porch. “I’d forgotten how brilliantly mature the Hales and Luke show is. And I’d forgotten how much I had totally not missed it.”
“Hey, you just got treated to it a couple of months ago for spring break,” Luke reminds, dropping a kiss on her cheek.
“That was different,” Peyton shrugs. “I think being back in Tree Hill is having a negative effect on your maturity levels. I, on the other hand, appear to be impervious to such juvenileness.”
She stops as she gets the door open, drawing in a huge breath as she looks around her. Sheets cover the furniture, and a thin layer of dust covers everything, the particles glinting in the sunlight let in by the open door. Luke and I step in beside her, him grabbing her hand and me standing close enough to brush arms and let her know I’m there.
“Well, this place is the same, too,” she notes blandly, but there’s an undercurrent of something else, and the air suddenly feels thick with tension. She takes another step into the room, giving herself a little shake before turning to look back at us. “Sorry, I don’t mean to be so morose about all this. I just - “
“You’re a little bummed about packing up your childhood home,” I respond blithely, giving her a sympathetic smile. “It’s okay to be upset about it, Peyt.”
She nods. “Yeah, well, we’ll see. Maybe it won’t be so bad. Then again, considering I haven’t been back here in four years, do I really have the right to be upset about anything?”
“Of course!” I insist. “It’s always hard to say goodbye to a part of your childhood.” I pause, pulling the sheet off of a loveseat. “Oh, I forgot how awesome some of the furniture is here. You definitely are going to have to ship some of this out to LA.”
“Yeah,” Luke agrees. “You’ll pick out the best things, and the ones that mean the most to you, and we’ll get all of those out there. Anything you want.”
Peyton smiles gratefully at him, moving into his arms. I immediately feel like a complete third wheel, and back out of the room and out the front door, sitting down on the porch. Peyton’s house wasn’t a place I spent a whole lot of time, at least until the summer before our senior year. And then I moved into one of the spare bedrooms after Nathan and I broke up, and I guess the rest, as they say, is history.
Breathing deeply, it’s almost amazing to me how much even the simple smell of Tree Hill seems to catapult me back in time. I suppose it could be the combination of being back here altogether, but I don’t know. The smell is getting to me. It reminds me of sitting on the steps of our porch with my mother when I was too young to go to school, but the only one young enough not to. We’d wait together for the rest of them to come home.
It reminds me of playing mini-golf with Luke on the roof of his mother’s café, of drowning ourselves with coffee on Sunday mornings after a little too much partying the night before with Peyton. It reminds me of sitting at the river court, flirting with Nathan and offering myself up as a bribe for him to quit playing and take me home. It reminded me of the bribe working, and him pressing me up against the side of the car as we made out.
And it harkens back to finding my husband with another girl in that same car, and friendships ruined, and hearts broken. You take the good with the bad, I guess.
I’m not sure how long I’m out here before the slamming of a neighbor’s car door jolts me out of my reverie. Sighing, I stand up and head back into the house to help Luke and Peyton get things taken care of. All of sudden, the air feels cloying and heavy, like a wool blanket draped over my entire body on the hottest day of summer. I don’t want to be here; I don’t know if I can be here!
“Hales?” Luke says softly, meeting me in the hallway. “I was just about to drag you in. You doing alright?”
“I don’t know,” I answer semi-honestly. “This is harder than I thought it would be. Easier in some ways, but a lot harder in others.”
He nods his understanding, taking a deep breath. “I should tell you something, that I don’t know if you’ll want to know.” Instinctively, I tense up, waiting for whatever blow he’s about to rain down on me. “Nathan is in town. That’s - that’s who Deb was referring to having help at the café earlier. Nathan.”
Oh. Well, that was not something I was expecting. Or wanting. Shoot, what am I supposed to do with that kind of knowledge? Hopefully this isn’t Luke’s deluded way of encouraging me to find Nathan, because that isn’t going to happen under any circumstances. Or maybe it is his way of warning me to hole up in some dark room of the house and refuse to leave for any reason? Seriously, that was definitely the better option.
“Okay,” I manage to say with a calm I am definitely not feeling. “What am I supposed to do with that knowledge?”
“Nothing,” he shrugs. “Everything. I don’t know, Haley. It just seemed unfair for you not to know, and if something happened and we ran into him, you’d have had my head. I personally haven’t seen him, but from what Mom says, he’s back now. I just didn’t want you to be unprepared if we bumped into him.”
I nod, rolling my eyes. “Right, so this is about covering your own behind. Nice, Luke. That’s really great. And hey, you put a pretty decent spin on it, so kudos to you.”
He lets out a huff of displeasure. “Knock it off. You know that isn’t what I meant, and I sort of resent you implying it was.”
Feeling my irritation with him drain away, I reach out and lay a hand on his arm. “Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry. I guess I am just a little taken aback by that little bit of news.”
“It’s fine,” he dismisses immediately, looping an arm over my shoulder and guiding me towards the stairs. “Look, Peyton is up there. Talk to her.” I glance up at him, blinking in surprise. “What? I know that she’s the one you’ll want to talk to. I’m not stupid, Hales. Well, not all of the time, anyway.”
“Rarely,” I laugh, leaning my head on his shoulder. “I would prefer to talk to Peyton about this, though. It’s not, I mean, it has nothing to do with you or me or you and me.”
He nods again, chuckling quietly at my babbling explanation. “It’s cool. Things are different, and she’s your go-to now. I get it, and I understand.”
He’s letting me off the hook, and I should be grateful for that, I suppose. But there’s this encroaching guilt that is sort of taking prominence over the gratefulness. Realistically, I know there is nothing to feel guilty about - people change, and they don’t always change together. That’s what happened with Luke and me; in some ways, we’re probably lucky to still be as close as we are.
“I feel like a jerk,” I sigh, picking at a tiny ball of lint pilled on the edge of my tank top. “We always said that it would always be us against the world, and I feel like I didn’t hold up my end of that very well.”
“Don’t,” he commands softly. “Don’t feel bad. Look, it happens. Did I figure that it would? No, of course not. But that doesn’t mean anyone did anything wrong, right?”
I shrug, suddenly tired. “I don’t know, maybe I did do something wrong. Come on, Luke. You’re not at all mad that I’m closer to Peyton now?”
He shakes his head. “It makes me sad, sometimes, but I’m not mad. Come on, you are two of my favorite people in the world. What’s to be mad about?”
“It hurts when things change sometimes,” I offer, thinking painful thoughts of Nathan. “And it hurts even worse when someone changes on you. Or you change on them.”
“Sometimes,” he agrees with a knowing smile. “But sometimes maybe it is just something to be happy about or proud of. I’m glad you and Peyt have each other out there, and I’m even happier that you’re so close. Maybe it makes it easier knowing it is her, but I don’t view it as a bad thing.”
“Is it weird for you at all, being back here, I mean?” I ask, abruptly changing the subject (sort of). “You know how weird it is for me and Peyt, but you never really say much about how it is for you.”
Glancing down at the floor, he shrugs. “It’s weird. I think that’s mostly because you and Peyton aren’t here, though. Well, you usually aren’t. But it isn’t…I don’t know, I have bad memories, I mean, Dan and all that, but I don’t feel like I lost everything here the way you two do.”
Is that it? Is it the sense of loss that makes me feel so very ill at ease here? It makes a twisted sort of sense, I suppose. This is where I lost Nathan, at least in the tangible sense. The truth was, of course, that I’d probably lost him months before that not long after I’d left, when I was in some dingy hotel room in some small city or town that I wouldn’t even recognize now by sight. But this is where I was when things became final, and maybe that’s what I still feel now.
“I guess that makes sense,” I offer with a nod. Maybe Luke still knows me better than I’d thought. “So, Nathan is really in Tree Hill right now? I figured he’d leave and never look back?”
“Nathan?” Luke blinks, comfortingly not phased by yet another change of subject. “Yeah, he’s here. Mom says he comes home a lot, that he has all through college.”
“Oh,” I say stupidly. “Is he - why does he come back? Is he seeing someone here or something?”
A funny look crosses Luke’s face, an unhealthy cross between a grimace and blatant curiosity, before he shakes his head in the negative. “No. I guess he doesn’t, um, date much, which I only know because it bothers Deb that he won’t commit to more than drunken debauchery with a girl since - “
“Since me,” I finish for him when he breaks off abruptly. “So, what? I broke him, is that what you’re getting at? Is that what everyone thinks?” Okay, so I’m a touch defensive, it’s not like I don’t have reason, right?
Luke rolls his eyes, snorting back a laugh. “Jeez, someone is a little self-involved, huh? California mess with your head much? Come on, Hales. Do you really think anyone blames you for whatever mess Nathan has made of his personal life? Really, he just got back on the path he’d spent most of his life cavorting down before you two got together. Maybe that’s just who he is.”
I didn’t believe that. Even now, after all these years, I didn’t believe that, not even for a single second. That is not who Nathan Scott was, and it shouldn’t be who he is. And I, well, I should not be bothered by it, but here I am.
“He isn’t,” I whisper, squeezing my eyes shut as the now-painful memories wash over me. “That isn’t who Nathan is.”
“Why are you talking about him?” Peyton asks sharply, standing at the top of the stairs. “Did you bring him up, Lucas Eugene Scott?”
We both blink up at her for a minute before dissolving into laughter at her use of Luke’s full name. “It isn’t what you think, Peyt,” Luke chuckles, sobering when he earns himself another glare from his girlfriend. “Look, I just wanted to warn her that he’s in town. That’s the only reason I bothered to bring him up.” He looks between the two of us. “Well, I think we’re going to need more boxes than what I brought over last week. I’ll run to the café and see if Mom has any, and if not, I’ll see if I can scrape any up elsewhere.”
Distractedly, I nod my agreement. All of a sudden, I don’t want to talk to Peyton about this. It isn’t like this will be the first time we’ve had conversations about Nathan. In fact, I can already hear her scolding me for even sparing a thought for him. It’s fair, I know it is, after all the tears and whining and boohoo-ing I’ve done on her shoulders over the years. But it still isn’t particularly fun.
“Do I even have to say it?” she asks wearily, starting down the stairs. Sighing, I start climbing them, and when we meet in the middle, we sit down next to each other. “Okay, so I don’t. Are you okay knowing he’s probably five minutes away?”
“Sure,” I nod eagerly, glad to reassure someone, if not myself, that Nathan’s proximity doesn’t have the least bit of effect on me.
“Haley,” she sighs in warning, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. “Don’t give me the ‘I’m fine’ spiel. You know I’m not dumb enough - or boy enough - to fall for that.”
“What am I supposed to be then?” I wonder somewhat rhetorically. “I don’t know what I am, okay? Knowing that he’s here doesn’t really make a difference. Being back here is enough of a reminder of all things Nathan as it is, and frankly, even if he somehow found out I was here, it’s not like he’d stop by to say hi.” Or declare his undying love for me after professing his previous mistake in ending our marriage and begging for my forgiveness. Not that I want that or even think about it. Much.
No, I don’t want it at all. I can’t, I just can’t afford to right now. Too many things are changing and life is moving way too quickly for me to indulge in the luxury of missing something that I haven’t had for years and wishing for things I’ll never have again.
She gives me a bland look, drawing her shoulders up in a helpless shrug. “I’m sorry that I dragged you back here. If I’d thought for even a second that he’d be here, I wouldn’t have pestered you into coming with.”
“It’s no more your fault than it is mine or Luke’s - well, maybe it is Luke’s a little bit,” I smirk, eliciting a small peal of laughter from her. “Look, like I said, I won’t see him, so it isn’t that big of a deal. It really isn’t. It doesn’t make it harder, nor does it make it easier.”
“’Nor’?” she laughs. “God, you’re such a dork sometimes.”
“Hey!” I protest laughingly, ramming her shoulder lightly with my own. “That was uncalled for! Sue me for having an English minor!”
“You sure you’re okay?” she asks quietly. “It’s okay if you aren’t. I mean, I’m not really okay knowing that Brooke is in town, and could just pop over any time she wanted. And with her, you never know if she’ll want to or not.”
Repressing a shudder at the thought of Brooke Davis turning up on the doorstep, I roll my eyes at her. “So if she does, I punch her, and that’s that. Taking out the trash and all that.”
We laugh together, staying on the steps chatting until Luke gets back, his arms laden with boxes. He raises an eyebrow inquiringly, but wisely refrains from commenting on our lack of packing. After he tosses them to the ground, he glances back up at us. “There’s a new club in town. First one since Tric closed. Feel like going out?”
Oh, he asks it so casually, like it’s a normal Saturday night. As if we hadn’t flown across the country for the sole purpose of packing up Peyton’s childhood home. God, he’s always been dense, but this….
“Yes!” Peyton enthuses, jumping. “Yes, that’s exactly what we should do.” I think I actually snort in disbelief, amazingly enough. “Oh, come on, Haley! We’re young and free from school for the first time in four years, and it’s a Saturday night! And frankly, I’m not quite ready to box up my entire childhood, so let me procrastinate for just one night.”
“What happened to get in, get out, nobody gets hurt?” I whine, knowing that they’re going to gang up on me and guilt me into going. “I thought we were going to pack and go, Peyt!”
“Well,” she sighs, sticking her lower lip out in an obnoxious pout, “We could do that, or we could reward ourselves for our years of hard work culminating in our graduating from college?”
Rolling my eyes, I shrug tensely. I don’t want to go out in Tree Hill. I don’t even want to be in Tree Hill, so why would I want to go out here under the pretense of having fun? “Why don’t you guys go out, and I’ll stay here and pack?” I throw out hopefully. “Think how much I could get done without you two to distract me!”
Luke immediately adopts a huffy look, and Peyton shakes her head. “Nope, sorry, doesn’t work that way, best friend of mine,” Peyton chides me. “Really, it’ll be fun. I need to get out of here, to put this off for one night, and I want both of you with me.”
“Wouldn’t it be more fun if you two went, oh, I don’t know, on a romantic date that didn’t include me? Don’t you think that would be a better use of your time?”
“Probably,” Luke agrees, winking at me. “But we like you, too, and it would be fun if all three of us went out. Who knows when we’ll get the chance to do that again?”
Oh, guilt. Lovely. The fastest way to get me to agree to anything, bar jumping off bridges. And that’s mostly because I’m so terrified of heights, not because the guilt doesn’t work. “Okay, fine,” I ground out, glaring at Luke malevolently. I’ll get my revenge on him, eventually. “But we aren’t staying out late. And if either of you gets drunk, so help me, I will hurt you both!”
“Fine, fine,” Peyton sighs, rolling her eyes at me. “We’ll be on our best behavior. We can manage that, right, Lukey?”
“No drinking, scout’s honor,” he pledges, grinning back and forth between the two of us.
“I’d feel better about that promise if you’d actually, oh, you know, been a scout,” I tease him, laughing when he does. I don’t want to go out here, but if I am, at least it is with these two.
Starting back up the stairs, Peyton pauses just below me. “Well? Come on, let’s go get ready. Don’t you want to look pretty for Tree Hill?”
Rolling my eyes at Luke, I allow her to pull me up the rest of the stairs to her room. What the hell was I thinking, agreeing to come back here?
Chapter Three *** Chapter Four