Sometimes, I can't believe I'm here... that this is my life, this is my school, and these are the people I'm going to spend the next four years with, for the most part. I feel kind of outside of myself, just a little bit. I can't believe how easily I've assimilated at this point. Becoming really involved with the people in my house... forming ( Read more... )

sometimes i wish i were an awkward, prepubescent boy.
sometimes i wish i looked like one.
that is all.

mutability is possible.

I remember attempting to ride a bike, then realizing I was too short for any of the ones in front of Fels... and then letting Meredith ride her own bike, as I kept up running the entire way to Bingham. She was amazed... and after visiting her peer mentor, Emily, she told Rachel the secret of my fast-running success. We headed to Dave, Sally, and ( Read more... )

I keep having these dreams about my grandmother dying. It's so strange because it's not something I think about while I'm awake. I dreamt I was here at Bennington with the normal Felsians-- Ariel, Santa, Meredith... and I was crying like crazy because I didn't want to go to my grandmother's funeral and time was going really slow and really fast and ( Read more... )

ACK, LEAVE ME ALONE! GO AWAY! GET OFF THE INTERNET!

oh  my goodness, why did i decide to come home? it's eerie, awkward... as if i never left. sitting on a bus, remembering the last time i pressed the button for my stop. walking up my stairs. amanda is unchanged, not as big as i'd imagined her to be. georgia was pleasant-- yet before we got on the train she seemed to somehow laugh at almost everyone ( Read more... )

I am awake despite my 8:20 class tomorrow morning. This burst of energy would be especially useful if I decided to use it for scholastic ends like reading the 95 pages due for the very class I have tomorrow morning. But I'd rather sit here with my headphones on, shutting up my head with sound, and writing lucidly for the first time in weeks. I'm ( Read more... )

love love love love love love. today i asked my uncle, "does it make you happy that i'm happy?" and he said, "i don't know, you've been happy about a lot of crazy things in your lifetime." and i said, "but you know how i've always been crazy about people and in love with people in a one-sided way? now she's seriously crazy about me and we're crazy ( Read more... )

sleep, sweet sleep, i took it in, cradled by distant dreams... and now, wondering if i was wrong to choose it over music lessons. i just haven't slept like that in so long... uninterrupted, peaceful, lack of anxiety... nude. my mother was upset about me not going, but i pleaded with her about the sleep... especially because i only slept a handful ( Read more... )

"you do it to yourself, you do
and that's what really hurts,
you do it to yourself, just you
you and no one else
you do it to yourself,
you do it to yourself"