i met someone new ( Read more... )

i can only put myself through so much before i give up. i'm not going to put anyone before me ever again. i need to do what i want to do, when i want to do it. i'm tired of feeling taken advantage of, i'm tired of feeling like i'm not important, and i'm tired of feeling like i don't matter ( Read more... )

it's funny how people always say they're in it for the long run, and ultimately end up giving up before they've even tried.

after tonight, nothing is tying me to st. lucy's anymore. we haven't been friends for what seems like a couple years, at least now it's official.

ive been reading a lot lately :
"story of my life" and "bright lights, big city" by jay mcinyrne.
read them. i just did. mmm.

today i saw the first thing "america's next top model" related since i watched the episode i was supposed to be on over two months ago. it made start considering trying out again. it was a lot of time, a lot of effort. but it's the closest thing i'll ever get to being a "model". a bit depressing when i put it in those terms. but far less depressing ( Read more... )

i quite possibly just had one of the best conversations of my life. the words on the screen made such an impact, there are tears on my keyboard. it's almost like i told my life-story to someone i haven't seen in years. i really want to be in someone's arms right now. i really want to have someone hold my hand. i'd like to think i can do everything ( Read more... )

with all the time we had, with all the good & bad. every night my eyes closed mad, i'd turn around & i'd to it again. & with all the drunken nights, & all the stupid fights, both saying we were right - i'd turn around & i'd do it again. sometimes i feel that days are just hours for me. sometimes i feel there is no one left i'd want to be. ( Read more... )

i came a across an old picture, dated 12/12/03. in it are two people who meant a lot to me at the time. one of them doesn't anymore, which tends to happen when people break up. especially after only being together for a couple months. the other one still should, and even though we haven't technically "broken up" sometimes it feels like we have ( Read more... )

i saw the billboard today for the new season of america's next top model. i'm seeing the advertisements all over the place on the cw. it's like the world is shoving the fact that i didn't make it in my face. i made it, but not all the way. my face isn't on that billboard even though i wish it was. when you want something, and come so close to ( Read more... )