My mom just mailed me lingerie, so I've obviously hit a new low. I thought the time I awoke in a speakeasy in a pool of someone else's vomit was as bad as things got, but I was wrong. In addition, I think I'm balding from stress, and I feel like a zombie ( Read more... )

Happy Birthday, todos y todas. Since the post office is only open when I'm not in class on Saturdays, I will be sending your puffy paint shirts and mix CDs of my favorite songs then ( Read more... )

I just got done with board game night. We played Trivial Pursuit 90s Edition. I hate how whenever you play Trivial Pursuit, the same answers come up multiple times. Like tonight, it seemed that every other answer was either Ted Danson, Tickle-Me Elmo, or The Reach-around. Ted Danson was especially weird, because he's literally done only two ( Read more... )

Do you ever really need to write a serious essay, but the only topics you can come up with are: the skyrocketing price of bananas, the hilarity of people falling down and how much you love flannel ( Read more... )

So the LSAT was really fun. Highlights: This bitch who'd been hacking up blood and sputum the whole time asked the proctor where she could go to smoke during the break, to which an anonymous, stressed-out male said, "you don't need to smoke!" Caitlin Vandevander yelled at the proctor, who was standing with the door open whilst yelling to people ( Read more... )

The quality of a law school is inversely proportional to the thickness of its viewbook. Stanford's is, like, fo' real, two pages. Bob Jones Skewl of da Law is the War and Peace of viewbooks ( Read more... )

Sad news, friends. I'm dropping off the face of facebook. I'm simply too busy and important to maintain an interesting facebook account. And if my profile isn't full of linguistic comedy and alcoholic prowess, it's not worth having. Plus, this old guy told me I had to ( Read more... )

You do not have to do much to get a star on the Walk of Fame in Hollywood. Freakin' Judge Judy has one. I'm more famous than that bitch. Also, the LAPD has one. This is the same LAPD which is most famous for beating innocent black men and inciting riots. Also, a lot of cartoon characters have them, which makes the whole thing seem like an ( Read more... )

I am officially off of my drinking binge. As long as I make it just one more short hour, I will have maintained sobriety for an entire day. The past 11 days served as the longest stretch I've gone drinking every day in my entire under-aged life. Everything's kind of been a blur, though I'm not sure why. Notable events: renewed my membership in ( Read more... )

Since I've been home this week, I've probably drank more and watched more TV than I did all semester combined. Actually, I've probably been to the gym more too. It's amazing what you can do when academics and a job aren't standing in your way ( Read more... )