Every few years I remember that this exists. And every few years I write basically this exact post ( Read more... )

It is already 2015 back home. Funny how I still call NJ "home." I don't live there. And I don't think I will again, but I digress ( Read more... )

There's a part of me that's terrified. Maybe not "part," maybe "all." Terrified that I'll never truly be happy. Terrified that I'll end up alone. Terrified that I'm as worthless & incapable as I've been made to feel for so long. But I have to keep moving. I have to remember that it's going to hurt and that's ok. I shouldn't expect this to be easy ( Read more... )

What is it about the universe that it conspires to have every amazingly awful and awfully amazing thing happen to you at the same time? It's dizzying.

I don't understand what could possess someone who claims to care, who claims to love, to make such an outward declaration of war. It's over. It's been over. It hurts, yes, but staying will hurt more. So let's go.

Today I have gone from well enough to broken to angry to joyful to accomplished to tired to devastated to numb. I foresee a lot of days like this ahead of me.

It makes me want to take a nap.

I saw a cloud cut across the sky tonight- it looked like the trail of a bullet shot into a pool of water. It felt like a fair representation of what life feels like for me right now.

Tonight I hung out with some friends. Their apartment was one of the smallest, but warmest and homiest places I've ever been. I realized that I've been sort of conditioned to value the size of my home over the quality of life I'm living in it. That's not me. That's awful. But it was perfect. It was a perfect moment of "Jesus, I just need the warmth ( Read more... )

Since I can't imagine that anyone really ever checks LJ anymore, it seems like a good enough place for me to sort of document what I'm doing. I've found that keeping a record of things helps me in those moments that I feel like I haven't moved at all (which was true for several long years ( Read more... )

I keep remembering that I have this. Mayhaps I'll start chronicling my new journey as I venture out into the world as a divorcee & single mother... Because, well, that's happening ( Read more... )