commercials: What an utter waste of time. What!? a springboard cleaning pad, NO WAY, aaaaaaand it cleans soap scum, I'm sold. That's ingenious, no really, it is, no wait, no....wait...NO. So the universe is speeding it's expansion, that gives me some kind of idealistic realization that my life should be speeding up as well, shit. So now I perceive ( Read more... )

I AM INTELLECTUALLY INEPT

Today is a day that shall live in infamy. First radio show: COMPLETED. Outcome: An utter disaster. I couldn't work the boards fast enough to cue up the mixture of music and commercial spots and my witty banter was completely nonexistent. The nerves...they got to me, but at least there was enough time to warn the population of the apparent kangaroo ( Read more... )

Seventeen substances added to the cancer agents list, not something to sing about, or maybe...it is. No, no, I guess it's not. Streamers streamers streamers hanging from the ceiling of the living room, 4x4 quadrille ruled paper and a crate to rock your face off. Sleep is calling my name, and it has an australian accent.

My sister finally got a hold of myspace, what a useless fucking addiction, but I indulge in it completely, just like everyone else. Constantly looking for new friends, or bands, or ACCEPTANCE. The entire day wasted away while i sat on my ass and stared at the wall for a good part of it. I have a tendency to get lost in my own mind from time to time ( Read more... )

I have a three piece dress suit, real snazzy like. As I stare at the little plastic giraffe sitting on the desk in front of me, I wonder. Is the universe really expanding indefinitely? What happens to your body when you chug large amounts of hot sauce? How is Liza Minelli doing today? Why is there a spoon sitting on the phone? A few things remain ( Read more... )

The television is stuck on HGTV, I can't find the remote. One might ask why I don't just get up and turn the TV off, I have an answer to that question ( Read more... )

When nature throws you a curve ball the best thing to do is take it like a man or in my case, like a somewhat cranky toddler. Ice storm 2005 was everything I never expected it to be and once the temperature in the house reached 35 degrees and my 3 pairs of pants and 4 sweatshirts were no longer that useful at keeping me warm, I decided to build an ( Read more... )

I'm too classy for my own good. Destroying happy families is never a fun job, but sometimes, it has to be done. It's Thursday. I don't know where to go from here. I lack motivation except in things that don't count. One day I am going to realize when my life began and think about how much time I've wasted since then. I've come to learn that ( Read more... )

I have recently developed some type of sickness, in which I am miserable and confined to the house. Finals are next week, I can hardly wait(insert sarcastic tone here). My dreams, of late, have been quite amusing and I plan on putting together a collection of short stories to go along with them. The first story will involve a world in which ( Read more... )