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Day 27
He never answered and I don't understand
Why did he write?
Did he even write that??
I think about him all the time and it hurts like hell.
But thinking about some things he said, I can get so angry
He could be such an ass sometimes
Like the "if I'm looking at somebody else then yeah, I'm probably thinking about somebody else" that keeps replaying in my ( Read more... ) -
Day 23
What was his intention?
Really nothing but to share his feelings?
He probably didn't even want to know mine
I can't help but to read it over and over again, as if I could turn it into the real him.
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The mail
How I see the mail, or how I would see a mail I send:
He knocked at the door by saying he misses me.
And I yanked the door wide open by saying I hate being without him
Now why the hell isn't he storming inside??
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Day 22
Yesterday I got an email, I stared at the name for a few seconds, thinking it came from "Jen", my dad. Then I realized it was an o, not an e.
I stared for another few seconds then opened it.
It said he misses me. I read it over and over again, feeling almost happy, I actually smiled.
I replied, of course I did. I couldn't just ignore.
I told him ( Read more... ) -
Day 21
May 1st
He used to call this day national riot day in germany..
I wish he'd want me for real
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Day 20
Oh horrible nightmare
But I guess I brought that onto myself.
I dreamt that I looked at his facebook again and he added soo many girls that he also kept talking to on there. With lots of pictures of kissing and touching.
Then we suddenly talked on the phone, and he said he was getting married. I laughed my "yeah right" but he stayed serious, saying ( Read more... ) -
Day 19
I shouldnt be crying over somebody who is more than happy without me.
Makes it so much worse that even my parents are surprised that it ended. They were waiting for the move too.
I didnt stay in Berlin, it was too bad, he was so present there.
Out of sight - out of mind. That's how he felt. That's not love, never was and never will be.
I keep ( Read more... ) -
Day 14
Last night I almost felt a little better ( Read more... ) -
Day 13
Absolutely miserable. Back in Berlin.
Being alone makes it even worse.
Staring at our pictures, unwilling to remove them. Not good.
I want to ask whether it is okay to keep using his netflix. I am afraid to ask.
I know he does not want to hear from me.
I am afraid of him telling me to get lost.
But I don't think he would mind.
Maybe he would.
I don' ( Read more... ) -
Day 11
When I think about his drugs, I should be glad that he's gone.
I hated his swollen eyes, slack mouth, slurring speech. I could never get used to it.
Oh but how do I miss the real pure him, that I would get every now and then.
The real him was perfect. But what good is it if it only lasts for maybe a quarter of the time?
Unless we were together, ( Read more... )