Some days it seems like you've walked a million miles and have still ended up right back where you started.

Here I am, back at the beginning.  It's been over a decade since I let myself be led astray by love.  Now I'm staring at the future as it was always meant for me and all I can do is look away.  That endless horizon is more desolate and ( Read more... )

So.  My company offers insurance for part-time employees, if you pay for it.  Approximately $55 out of my paycheck every fucking paycheck for insurance that doesn't cover much of anything.  I don't get sick often enough for the $10 office visits to matter.  Not compared to the dental visits every six months that they pay, maybe, optimistically 20% ( Read more... )

I was scoffed at for still using (however intermittently) LJ.  Apparently, since Facebook and Twitter launched, having an online blog is no longer popular.  Personally, I'd still rather read a blog than deal with the overblown drama of Facebook.  As for Twitter, the only enjoyable page I've ever read belongs to Jhonen Vasquez.  The other ones I've ( Read more... )

I was scoffed at for still using (however intermittently) LJ.  Apparently, since Facebook and Twitter launched, having an online blog is no longer popular.  Personally, I'd still rather read a blog than deal with the overblown drama of Facebook.  As for Twitter, the only enjoyable page I've ever read belongs to Jhonen Vasquez.  The other ones I've ( Read more... )

My back hurts.  I mean, fucking hurts like hell.  I can hardly sleep because laying on my stomach hurts the worst.  I actually have to force myself to sleep fully on my side, which forces my hip deeper into the mattress than is strictly comfortable.  This is added on top of the stress in my left knee and right ankle ( Read more... )

I haven't had much to say lately.  Even when I've had something to say, it wasn't anything.  There was nothing important to it, nothing that mattered.  Even those posts about my past.  Watching my mom try to leave and thinking it was my fault.  Just thinking about it makes me cry all over again.  And sometimes there is this wonder that maybe the ( Read more... )

So.  It seems my external fried.  I'm not sure what happened.  I'm betting it was the fact the plug somehow got pulled halfway out of socket.  It says it's not formatted and if I try to format it, it says I can't format the drive.  This sucks.  Immensely.  I have most of the original data still so it's not a complete disaster.  I'm only going to ( Read more... )

Today I took a deep breath and put myself under.

You're standing at a stairway that leads deep inside yourself.  There are ten steps from this landing to the next.  As you take each step count backward from ten.  When you reach two feel the skin you're wearing strip away.  At the first landing, you're nothing but muscle, nerves, and bone.  The next ( Read more... )

( ...heh, fangirl much? )

It's there inside me.  Twisting.  Writhing.  Waiting.  I feel sick.  Binge eating when I'm not thinking, not eating when I am.  There are so many things kicking around in my head.  I just want to curl around myself until they settle down and sort themselves out.  Withdraw from everything and everyone that wants something from me.  And knowing I can ( Read more... )