The man on the TV is saying:

"Have you been hurt in an automobile accident? Call the law offices of James Spader now.

"When I was in the navy, I won six silver medals. So if you're old-fashioned or just plain crazy, call me now.

"Are you a male who scores in the 99th percentile on math tests? If so, I'll give you a discount. When I ( Read more... )

Taquito jokes by Pavlov.

When are taquitos a number? When they're eighty-eight under ground.

What is 4314? 13 x 11.

Ah, taquito jokes.

I hate how everyone loves crappy movies like "Cujo." A commercial for that movie is on right now. The tragic story of a young man who loved a dog, but the dog turned out to be a demonic hell-hound. The boy's father forbids the dog entry to his property, and puts up barriers around the property. There are stacks of mattresses and shelves and ( Read more... )

"His finger was bitten off by a peruvian dog."

"Were they able to reattach it?"

"Not in polite society."

This is the biggest performance I've been in for a while. I'm on stage with all the biggest actors: Danny Devito, Tim Allen, Joseph, Christina, and Steve Martin. And I'm dancing my heart out. It's incredible. The show is over now, so Danny and I go off-stage and fall asleep together.

I awaken and notice some odd-looking RJ45 cables which are ( Read more... )

We walk down the street together. Suddenly, she says that she knows Tony Randall from her work with him in certain feature films. I can hardly believe my senses as we walk down the street and right into the past. The director decides to tag along. And there he is. Tony Randall.

"Hi," she says to Tony Randall, "these are my friends Tony ( Read more... )

"Irreconfutable, Commander."

Using an extendable pole-arm with a sponge on the end to clean one of the mossy outer edges of the castle wall, I argue with my friend.

"Is it really impossible to do it from on top?" I ask.

"It shouldn't be," replies my friend, "If we can do it on bottom, it should work from on top."

"I dunno. I think I should definitely be on bottom. Why ( Read more... )

Rick and I are walking home. In the distance, I can see spotlights searching our yard. Tracing them back to the sky, I see police helicopters.

"Dude, the cops are spotlighting our yard. Is there a body there?"

Rick looks at me thoughtfully.

"Potentially. It should have been moved by now."

That makes me feel much better. Approaching the ( Read more... )

I'm trying to make copies of some Anime I borrowed from Rick. Since the toilet is the best copier we have, I head off to the bathroom with the Anime.

Arriving in the bathroom, I find that someone else is already in there. I think I remember that his name is Dirk or something. Maybe Dave. A 'D'-name, for certain. Dave-Dirk seems to also be ( Read more... )