So I guess its been awhile....yeah sorry about the disappearing act. Lots has changed. My parents moved in October. They now live in Pawhuska Oklahoma. I still live in Yankton, SD in my own apartment. I'm still unsure if I'm gonna move down to OK or not. But James and I broke up. I'm dating a guy named John. Hes amazing. Its like I found the ( Read more... )

In my mind I didn't leave him. I stayed until he fell asleep. I stayed and comforted him. Maybe its because thats where my soul wants to be. To be next to him curled up and both of us content. I weep because its not the reality. The things I feel aren't reality. What I feel in the world, of the world, and in my mind aren't the reality of the world ( Read more... )

I'm tender. I felt like my hopes were crushed again and now I feel paranoid, scared, unsure. It feels like it ending but I'm not sure. I'm not sure the feelings are the same anymore. Mine are as strong as ever but I'm scared. You tell me it just depression but I'm paranoid, constantly worried the end is coming. I want to be here for you, more than ( Read more... )

The only thing that overcomes hard luck is hard work.
  - Harry Golden

Thats the quote of the day on my google homepage. Its good advice and seems to hit particularly hard at home for me. As most oof you may or may not know, I LOVE to write. In fact, its usually the only thing that makes me feel good. For awhile I was doing really well with writing ( Read more... )

Holy Hell and update is needed! So I went to MIchigan. Family reunion was on June 23rd. It was cool. We were there a couple days ahead so we saw my Grandma and I spent some time at the beach. All in all, it was a good trip and I wish I was still there. Unfortunately I was forced back into reality. Blech. Apparently while I was gone more stuff was ( Read more... )

maybe if I put this here, I won't worry about it anymore and we won't have to talk about it. Its been bothering me on and off for awhile though I never say anything about it. Its this feeling like I'm being lied to a little. Yeah you need to study, thats great, but then actually study rather than going out or playing video games with your friends. ( Read more... )

we're falling apart. We have let so much get in our way and we haven't worked out anything because we're afraid and it hurts and we're too busy. whatever the excuse, its happening. Its killing me and all I can do is sit and watch it happen. You say you're not distant but there is such a distance between us now. Can't you feel it? We were so in love ( Read more... )

So my stress level has not gone down. I mean it helped to update and get everything out of my system and I don't think I've ranted about it half so much since. What has me still so stressed? My dad is home and all, but my mom basically doesn't do much unless I'm not here. All day yesterday I did everything he needed done. Mom sat in the chair from ( Read more... )

Could all please pray for my dad as he goes into surgery tomorrow. Its minor and not scary at all, but especially pray for a fast recovery and patience for all of us and the recovery time is long and dad does NOT like to be confined. :-) Thanks, and I will try to give you all a better update sometime soon. But now I must have sleep!

June will make it 11 months. Just because I made the decision doesn't make it easier to live with. I'm sick of people telling me that it was my choice and that I have no right to be upset about it. Mom says now that I made the right choice for me and she accepts that now, but it all still hurts....so much. It makes me want to give in and just curl ( Read more... )