i feel horrible, absolutely horrible.

i have realised that having eleven subjects in one semester helps distract oneself - to the point the crippling anxiety that school induces effectively prevents one to constantly have in mind the crippling loneliness they had been fighting.

the problem is, the term has ended, the exam period starts in january, ( Read more... )

( can't stand to be around myself is maybe the bigger problem here. )

i don't have any idea what to write first. my thoughts have been scattered to all of places lately and my short-term memory has gone practically non-existent and i have SO MUCH to do and i've been getting about no sleep and i'm frustrated as hell and irritated all the time.

also if you skip the two long useless paragraphs ahead you're gonna read ( Read more... )

well that was one weird day.

i got some things done and did a bunch of firsts too i guess. i put my torn rucksack into repair because after like two years of usage, the three-quarters-torn strap decided to give in on friday. then i took stanka to the underwear shop near my work and got a bra that fit me kind of well but not 100% with 3€ ( Read more... )

today was sure to suck from when i left brittany to go sleep yesterday, at four something am. i couldn't fall asleep, and that was something that hasn't happened to me for months ( Read more... )

You know what can piss me the fuck off?
No, not when I arrive to Kosice and the train is two fucking minutes late and thus I have to wait another twenty for another (good thing there is any, anyways). I had Brit and RP and Shay to review tricks with.

What pisses me off is when I come back home and Stanka, who wrote me at least two times about how she ( Read more... )

i don't care anymore.
i'm not sure if that's good or bad, but i can't even seem to care enough to consider that.
sure, i still get jealous... and then i tell myself that i don't care and for once, it seems to be working.
remember how upset i was about losing our babies? well not anymore.
remember how they used to be on my mind all the time? well not ( Read more... )

This was going to be pretty but the reason why it's not is listed at the end.

• woke up on alarm at three
• took last batch of antibiotics
• made a list of tasks
• hung flatmates' clothes
• went out with dogs for an hour

i hate feeling like this.

when we were through, every time i was about to open the messenger to check if i didn't miss her signing in, i stopped myself and thought, i don't need you, i don't care if you're online, look i don't even check my messenger every five minutes anymore. and i felt satisfied, proud of myself, i took it (or wanted to take it) ( Read more... )

now this is great. since friday i've only eaten chips (and lemon beer) and no matter how much i know i have to, at every thought of food my stomach does a flip. even when it keeps rumbling.

and i couldn't sleep, because the fucking dog is fucking awful and NOISY. scratching claws against the bottom of the cage, whining or snoring. awful. plus i was ( Read more... )