Fic for commfest: "It's just a..."
anonymous
September 6 2012, 22:19:35 UTC
"Sherlock Holmes!"
Sherlock flinched and dropped the pipet on the floor. He bent to retrieve it. When he stood, he was faced with a furious John. So furious in fact, that Sherlock had a desire to study him very closely. However he knew it would be unwise. Punches inflicted by request were acceptable and nearly painless. Punches inflicted by an indigent flatmate would result in possibly broken bones.
Commfest fill: "It's just a.."
anonymous
September 6 2012, 22:21:09 UTC
"Sherlock Holmes!"
Sherlock flinched and dropped the pipet on the floor. He bent to retrieve it. When he stood, he was faced with a furious John. So furious in fact, that Sherlock had a desire to study him very closely. However he knew it would be unwise. Punches inflicted by request were acceptable and nearly painless. Punches inflicted by an indigent flatmate would result in possibly broken bones.
Re: Commfest fill: "It's just a.."
anonymous
September 7 2012, 00:11:12 UTC
1) You need to run this past a spellcheck.
2) The grammar is all over the place, as is the punctuation.
3) A lot of your dialogue tags make no sense at all. This part:
"Oh. No, no, nonono..." John exited the kitchen, entered the sitting room "Mrs. Hudson", and grabbed Sherlock's coat and scarf. He put the coat on and tied the scarf around his neck. Then, John re-entered the kitchen.
"Fetching ensemble, John, but you need to see a tailor."
John stood with his hands behind his back "You do not do the..." John lowered his voice "Useless. I erased it from my hard drive." John snatched the jumper from Sherlocks hands. "You are an idiot."needs some serious work
( ... )
Re: Commfest fill: "It's just a.."
anonymous
September 7 2012, 05:31:54 UTC
NA
No spelling errors. Perhaps color should be colour but that's more nit-picky than brit picking.
Grammar does need some polishing but I can't do that. They asked for someone to beta it. You didn't do that. You just bashed it. Fine that you don't like it but bashing it and saying mistakes exist without showing them is pure trolling when that's not what the person asked for.
Looking for a beta
anonymous
September 12 2012, 00:17:01 UTC
Is anyone here up for betaing a long (~35k) semi-horror fic? I'm having absolutely no luck on the main comm. There are plenty of violent squicks, and if you just want to look at the last half that's fine.
I wanted opinion-type concrit as well as typo and grammar, though I should be okay with brit-picking. Mod, I'm very sorry if this is not the right place.
Old age fluff
anonymous
September 22 2012, 00:32:43 UTC
Not sure how I feel about this fic. Any advice/tips/beta-ing/rage/whatever else would be really helpful, if anyone can spare the time! I didn't add any html to this. S/J
John waves it away as nothing. Sherlock bites his tongue so hard it hurts. They head back upstairs and John collapses on the sofa, suddenly exhausted
( ... )
Sherlock-is-Vanilla!Conversation, pt 1
anonymous
October 28 2012, 18:04:23 UTC
[Behind here]Despite appearances, Sherlock is rather a heavy weight on John's lap. John finds he doesn't really mind, not with Sherlock's hands tracing patterns in his skin and lips trailing over John's jawline. Everything is slowed down and muted, less frantic than their first time. Sherlock's hair tickles John's face, and his soft hums vibrate against John's skin
( ... )
“So you're not... into that sort of thing?” John asks carefully. Hopeful.
“To be fair, John, I'm not really into sex, in general,” Sherlock says. He adds, “Obviously I'm willing to make some exceptions. But sex is tedious and complicated enough as it is. It's extremely rare that I enjoy someone's company enough to engage in it at all, so I'd rather not muck it up any further by adding more complications. Or riding crops.”
“So all this,” John gestures between them. “Just... this. This is fine, with you?”
John senses another eye-roll coming, but Sherlock visibly squashes it down. Instead he shifts closer, nudges John's nose with his own and runs a hand up the side of his neck, into his hair. John shivers against him and Sherlock breathes against his lips.
Re: Sherlock-is-Vanilla!Conversation, pt 2
anonymous
October 28 2012, 18:49:16 UTC
Ok: I'll put main comments at the end and anything to do with text alongside the relevant bit.
Despite appearances, Sherlock is rather a heavy weight on John's lap. John finds he doesn't really mind, not with Sherlock's hands tracing patterns in (on?) his skin and lips trailing over John's jawline. Everything is slowed down and muted, less frantic than their first time. Sherlock's hair tickles John's face, and his soft hums vibrate against John's skin.
It's lovely, John thinks. He feels warm and safe. Right now, he feels like he's the only thing in the world that matters. Sherlock lavishes attention on him, watching John's reactions with eyes wide in fascination. He smiles, more to himself than to John, and swipes his hand down John's chest or over his neck, fingers gently circling the scar on his shoulder.
Not sure if you mean 'or' over his neck? maybe and over his neck?
And it's lovely, John thinks, but for some reason he can't help but feel like a hammer is about to drop from out of the sky. That Sherlock is about to break out
( ... )
Re: Sherlock-is-Vanilla!Conversation, pt 2
anonymous
October 28 2012, 19:05:00 UTC
OP
Oooh, thank you! I made the changes you suggested. I left Sherlock mentioning kinks by name because I think that, despite him being vanilla he'd still know they exist. It's more that he's just not interested. I'm not sure how clear that comes through, though. I'll have to fiddle with that.
Comments 251
Sherlock flinched and dropped the pipet on the floor. He bent to retrieve it. When he stood, he was faced with a furious John. So furious in fact, that Sherlock had a desire to study him very closely. However he knew it would be unwise. Punches inflicted by request were acceptable and nearly painless. Punches inflicted by an indigent flatmate would result in possibly broken bones.
"What in the bloody hell is this ( ... )
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Sherlock flinched and dropped the pipet on the floor. He bent to retrieve it. When he stood, he was faced with a furious John. So furious in fact, that Sherlock had a desire to study him very closely. However he knew it would be unwise. Punches inflicted by request were acceptable and nearly painless. Punches inflicted by an indigent flatmate would result in possibly broken bones.
"What in the bloody hell is this ( ... )
Reply
2) The grammar is all over the place, as is the punctuation.
3) A lot of your dialogue tags make no sense at all. This part:
"Oh. No, no, nonono..." John exited the kitchen, entered the sitting room "Mrs. Hudson", and grabbed Sherlock's coat and scarf. He put the coat on and tied the scarf around his neck. Then, John re-entered the kitchen.
"Fetching ensemble, John, but you need to see a tailor."
John stood with his hands behind his back "You do not do the..." John lowered his voice "Useless. I erased it from my hard drive." John snatched the jumper from Sherlocks hands. "You are an idiot."needs some serious work ( ... )
Reply
Reply
No spelling errors. Perhaps color should be colour but that's more nit-picky than brit picking.
Grammar does need some polishing but I can't do that. They asked for someone to beta it. You didn't do that. You just bashed it. Fine that you don't like it but bashing it and saying mistakes exist without showing them is pure trolling when that's not what the person asked for.
Reply
I wanted opinion-type concrit as well as typo and grammar, though I should be okay with brit-picking. Mod, I'm very sorry if this is not the right place.
Reply
Reply
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“So you're not... into that sort of thing?” John asks carefully. Hopeful.
“To be fair, John, I'm not really into sex, in general,” Sherlock says. He adds, “Obviously I'm willing to make some exceptions. But sex is tedious and complicated enough as it is. It's extremely rare that I enjoy someone's company enough to engage in it at all, so I'd rather not muck it up any further by adding more complications. Or riding crops.”
“So all this,” John gestures between them. “Just... this. This is fine, with you?”
John senses another eye-roll coming, but Sherlock visibly squashes it down. Instead he shifts closer, nudges John's nose with his own and runs a hand up the side of his neck, into his hair. John shivers against him and Sherlock breathes against his lips.
“This is absolutely fine,” he says.
Reply
Despite appearances, Sherlock is rather a heavy weight on John's lap. John finds he doesn't really mind, not with Sherlock's hands tracing patterns in (on?) his skin and lips trailing over John's jawline. Everything is slowed down and muted, less frantic than their first time. Sherlock's hair tickles John's face, and his soft hums vibrate against John's skin.
It's lovely, John thinks. He feels warm and safe. Right now, he feels like he's the only thing in the world that matters. Sherlock lavishes attention on him, watching John's reactions with eyes wide in fascination. He smiles, more to himself than to John, and swipes his hand down John's chest or over his neck, fingers gently circling the scar on his shoulder.
Not sure if you mean 'or' over his neck? maybe and over his neck?
And it's lovely, John thinks, but for some reason he can't help but feel like a hammer is about to drop from out of the sky. That Sherlock is about to break out ( ... )
Reply
Oooh, thank you! I made the changes you suggested. I left Sherlock mentioning kinks by name because I think that, despite him being vanilla he'd still know they exist. It's more that he's just not interested. I'm not sure how clear that comes through, though. I'll have to fiddle with that.
Reply
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