Twilight! 4
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TWILIGHT
CHAPTER FOUR
READERS: Okay four chapters and I’m failing to see the point of this book.
THE WHOLE MONTH: *has apparently no significance other than Bella’s subconscious obsessing endlessly over Edward*
THE REST OF THE WEEK: Hey this happe--
READERS: Wait, I thought it had been a month?
BELLA: You guys, Edward was totally a hero and saved me and I love him.
EVERYONE ELSE: Oh yeah, we didn’t really see him.
EDWARD: *totally ignoring Bella*
BELLA: :(
EDWARD: *totally ignored Bella all month*
BELLA: *TOTALLY MISERABLE*
MIKE: Why hello there.
JESSICA: Bella is it okay if I ask Mike to some dance?
BELLA: Dude, I’ve been moping for a month, I have to be typical and refuse to have any sort of fun. So I’m not going and that leaves you pretty much open to do whatever.
JESSICA: AWESOME.
*next day*
JESSICA: Boo.
MIKE: BELLA ASK ME TO THE DANCE I LOVE YOU FOR NO REASON.
BELLA: No I’m good.
MIKE: DID YOU ASK... SOME ONE ELSE?!?! *subtle obvious glance at Edward*
BELLA: No I’ll be uh... out of... town. Yeah that’s it. Go with Jessica.
MIKE: Dammit.
EDWARD: *STARE*
BELLA: OMG. *hides behind her hair*
EDWARD: Hey, loserface.
BELLA: Oh, speaking to me now?
EDWARD: No. Look, it’s better we’re not friends.
BELLA: It’s because you wish I was DEAD!
EDWARD: You are very very dumb.
BELLA: OH YEAH WELL I’M GOING TO STORM OUT BUT TRIP IN AN ENDEARING WAY SO YOU CAN HELP ME PICK UP MY BOOKS YOU JERK.
*later*
BELLA: I AM SO GOING HOME.
ERIC: Hey let’s go to the dance together.
BELLA: Well for starters you’re confusing your gender which surprises no one, and no. You’re oily.
ERIC: Okay, cool.
TYLER: Hey Bella while you’re trapped in your parking space waiting for Edward to pull out of the way, want to ask me to the dance?
BELLA: GODDAMMIT NO.
TYLER: Okay cool, prom then. Bye!
EDWARD: HA HA I AM WATCHING FROM A DISTANCE AND LAUGHING BECAUSE BOYS WANT IN YOUR PANTS.
BELLA: JERK MARRY ME
*later*
PHONE: *rings*
JESSICA: MIKE ACCEPTED, I AM SO HAPPY.
BELLA: Hey get these other two chicks to ask Tyler and Eric so I don’t have to worry about them sniffing my perfect Mary Sue ass all day long.
JESSICA: AWESOME I’LL DO THAT BYE NOW.
BELLA: Every motion I do today is tainted by Edward. I hate him! But not really. I love him! But I don’t want to. I should analyze every word he says. He probably just isn’t interested in me because he’s perfect. Interesting and brilliant and mysterious and perfect and able to lift vans. I should marry him. Bella Cullen...
CHARLIE: What’s up.
BELLA: Uh I’m going to Seattle to avoid boys, is that cool?
CHARLIE: Sure, traveling alone to a big city in a very old and perhaps unreliable truck is totally normal for a seventeen-year-old, right? Or are you sixteen? Have you even said?
*next day*
EDWARD: *standing right there*
BELLA: STOP THAT.
EDWARD: You’re the dim one who can’t see people, don’t blame me. Also you’re very very stupid. Sorry, that was rude. True though.
BELLA: Pick a personality!
EDWARD: Want me to drive you to Seattle?
BELLA: Wait, you said we shouldn’t be friends.
EDWARD: But I want to be anyway.
READERS: This is going to get old very quickly, isn’t it.
EDWARD: So we’ll totally go to Seattle together. You should stay away from me. See you in class, bye!
READERS: ...
---
Will Edward and Bella fall in annoying teenage epic romance during the trip to Seattle that may take another four chapters to get to? Will the side characters fall in love with each other? Do we care? Stay tuned!
Move on to Chapter Five...
TWILIGHT
CHAPTER FOUR
READERS: Okay four chapters and I’m failing to see the point of this book.
THE WHOLE MONTH: *has apparently no significance other than Bella’s subconscious obsessing endlessly over Edward*
THE REST OF THE WEEK: Hey this happe--
READERS: Wait, I thought it had been a month?
BELLA: You guys, Edward was totally a hero and saved me and I love him.
EVERYONE ELSE: Oh yeah, we didn’t really see him.
EDWARD: *totally ignoring Bella*
BELLA: :(
EDWARD: *totally ignored Bella all month*
BELLA: *TOTALLY MISERABLE*
MIKE: Why hello there.
JESSICA: Bella is it okay if I ask Mike to some dance?
BELLA: Dude, I’ve been moping for a month, I have to be typical and refuse to have any sort of fun. So I’m not going and that leaves you pretty much open to do whatever.
JESSICA: AWESOME.
*next day*
JESSICA: Boo.
MIKE: BELLA ASK ME TO THE DANCE I LOVE YOU FOR NO REASON.
BELLA: No I’m good.
MIKE: DID YOU ASK... SOME ONE ELSE?!?! *subtle obvious glance at Edward*
BELLA: No I’ll be uh... out of... town. Yeah that’s it. Go with Jessica.
MIKE: Dammit.
EDWARD: *STARE*
BELLA: OMG. *hides behind her hair*
EDWARD: Hey, loserface.
BELLA: Oh, speaking to me now?
EDWARD: No. Look, it’s better we’re not friends.
BELLA: It’s because you wish I was DEAD!
EDWARD: You are very very dumb.
BELLA: OH YEAH WELL I’M GOING TO STORM OUT BUT TRIP IN AN ENDEARING WAY SO YOU CAN HELP ME PICK UP MY BOOKS YOU JERK.
*later*
BELLA: I AM SO GOING HOME.
ERIC: Hey let’s go to the dance together.
BELLA: Well for starters you’re confusing your gender which surprises no one, and no. You’re oily.
ERIC: Okay, cool.
TYLER: Hey Bella while you’re trapped in your parking space waiting for Edward to pull out of the way, want to ask me to the dance?
BELLA: GODDAMMIT NO.
TYLER: Okay cool, prom then. Bye!
EDWARD: HA HA I AM WATCHING FROM A DISTANCE AND LAUGHING BECAUSE BOYS WANT IN YOUR PANTS.
BELLA: JERK MARRY ME
*later*
PHONE: *rings*
JESSICA: MIKE ACCEPTED, I AM SO HAPPY.
BELLA: Hey get these other two chicks to ask Tyler and Eric so I don’t have to worry about them sniffing my perfect Mary Sue ass all day long.
JESSICA: AWESOME I’LL DO THAT BYE NOW.
BELLA: Every motion I do today is tainted by Edward. I hate him! But not really. I love him! But I don’t want to. I should analyze every word he says. He probably just isn’t interested in me because he’s perfect. Interesting and brilliant and mysterious and perfect and able to lift vans. I should marry him. Bella Cullen...
CHARLIE: What’s up.
BELLA: Uh I’m going to Seattle to avoid boys, is that cool?
CHARLIE: Sure, traveling alone to a big city in a very old and perhaps unreliable truck is totally normal for a seventeen-year-old, right? Or are you sixteen? Have you even said?
*next day*
EDWARD: *standing right there*
BELLA: STOP THAT.
EDWARD: You’re the dim one who can’t see people, don’t blame me. Also you’re very very stupid. Sorry, that was rude. True though.
BELLA: Pick a personality!
EDWARD: Want me to drive you to Seattle?
BELLA: Wait, you said we shouldn’t be friends.
EDWARD: But I want to be anyway.
READERS: This is going to get old very quickly, isn’t it.
EDWARD: So we’ll totally go to Seattle together. You should stay away from me. See you in class, bye!
READERS: ...
---
Will Edward and Bella fall in annoying teenage epic romance during the trip to Seattle that may take another four chapters to get to? Will the side characters fall in love with each other? Do we care? Stay tuned!
Move on to Chapter Five...