Twilight! 5
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TWILIGHT
CHAPTER FIVE
JESSICA: Edward is totally scamming on you. Again. But he’s sitting alone and totally motioning for you to go over there. OH MY GOD HE WANTS YOU OVER THERE OMG.
BELLA: It’s totally about homework. Maybe sex. BRB.
EDWARD: Hi Bella, eat with me today. I might as well go to hell thoroughly. Your friends are mad that I stole you and I may never give you back. You look worried, what’s with that?
BELLA: I wonder.
EDWARD: So I tried to stay away from you but I gave up and now I’m not going to leave you alone at all and I won’t stop talking.
READERS: Great.
EDWARD: So we’re friends now! But I’m not a good friend for you and you’ll only be my friend if you’re very very stupid.
BELLA: Okay let’s be friends!
EDWARD: Sooo, what are you thinking about?
BELLA: That you’re weird and frustrating and the incredibly obvious turn this book is going to take.
EDWARD: Your boyfriend looks mad.
BELLA: Which one?
EDWARD: Answer one question.
BELLA: Sure that sounds fair and reasonable and not set up.
EDWARD: What do you think I am?
BELLA: Spiderman.
EDWARD: That’s stupid. You’re stupid. I might be a bad guy.
BELLA: Oh you’re keeping me away because you’re dangerous. Well you just got a little bit hotter. Tee hee, I’m so I’m predictable! But you’re not a bad person, I can magically tell that from the limited interaction we’ve had and all the maybe-cryptic-but-probably-just-insane things you say. Let’s sex up.
EDWARD: No I’m going to skip class instead. Bye!
SCIENCE CLASS: We’re doing stuff about blood! This is going to take a very obvious turn, isn’t it?
READERS: Yes. Yes it is.
BELLA: I know my blood type already, can I leave so I don’t panic because of a needle? Needle panic makes me believable as a character so people reading can relate to me. Totally.
TEACHER: Sure, cool. Mike, take her to the nurse’s office and use this opportunity to touch her perfect waist.
MIKE: SCORE.
BELLA: *faints outside*
EDWARD: BEEELLLLAAA!!! Mike go away, I’ll take her to the nurse.
MIKE: Uh, no.
EDWARD: Whatever. *picks Bella up and runs*
MIKE: HEY NOT COOL MAN. BROS BEFORE HOS!
BELLA: I liked the sidewalk, let’s go back.
NURSE: Psh, she’s fine. There’s always at least one complete pansy when they do blood typing.
BELLA: So I totally should have skipped class. How did you see me, anyway? You ditched.
EDWARD: I was stalking-- er, listening to CDs in my car.
SOME ONE ELSE BLEEDING: HI.
EDWARD: Let’s go, NOW.
BELLA: Yay I can smell blood.
EDWARD: Ha. Creepy. Anyway, Mike’s here to glare and pointedly ignore me while talking to you.
BELLA: Oh.
MIKE: HEY BELLA, ARE YOU GOING TO THE BEACH THIS WEEKEND BELLA, WHAT’S GOING ON BELLA I LOVE YOU PLEASE MARRY ME BYE NOW.
BELLA: I don’t want to go to gym.
EDWARD: Okay let’s go.
READERS: Please... please God... tell me something interesting is about to happen.
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING GODDAMN INTERESTING AT ALL: *happens*
READERS: *cry*
END OF CHAPTER FIVE
---
Is there a point to this yet...? Stay tuned!
Continue on to Chapter Six...
TWILIGHT
CHAPTER FIVE
JESSICA: Edward is totally scamming on you. Again. But he’s sitting alone and totally motioning for you to go over there. OH MY GOD HE WANTS YOU OVER THERE OMG.
BELLA: It’s totally about homework. Maybe sex. BRB.
EDWARD: Hi Bella, eat with me today. I might as well go to hell thoroughly. Your friends are mad that I stole you and I may never give you back. You look worried, what’s with that?
BELLA: I wonder.
EDWARD: So I tried to stay away from you but I gave up and now I’m not going to leave you alone at all and I won’t stop talking.
READERS: Great.
EDWARD: So we’re friends now! But I’m not a good friend for you and you’ll only be my friend if you’re very very stupid.
BELLA: Okay let’s be friends!
EDWARD: Sooo, what are you thinking about?
BELLA: That you’re weird and frustrating and the incredibly obvious turn this book is going to take.
EDWARD: Your boyfriend looks mad.
BELLA: Which one?
EDWARD: Answer one question.
BELLA: Sure that sounds fair and reasonable and not set up.
EDWARD: What do you think I am?
BELLA: Spiderman.
EDWARD: That’s stupid. You’re stupid. I might be a bad guy.
BELLA: Oh you’re keeping me away because you’re dangerous. Well you just got a little bit hotter. Tee hee, I’m so I’m predictable! But you’re not a bad person, I can magically tell that from the limited interaction we’ve had and all the maybe-cryptic-but-probably-just-insane things you say. Let’s sex up.
EDWARD: No I’m going to skip class instead. Bye!
SCIENCE CLASS: We’re doing stuff about blood! This is going to take a very obvious turn, isn’t it?
READERS: Yes. Yes it is.
BELLA: I know my blood type already, can I leave so I don’t panic because of a needle? Needle panic makes me believable as a character so people reading can relate to me. Totally.
TEACHER: Sure, cool. Mike, take her to the nurse’s office and use this opportunity to touch her perfect waist.
MIKE: SCORE.
BELLA: *faints outside*
EDWARD: BEEELLLLAAA!!! Mike go away, I’ll take her to the nurse.
MIKE: Uh, no.
EDWARD: Whatever. *picks Bella up and runs*
MIKE: HEY NOT COOL MAN. BROS BEFORE HOS!
BELLA: I liked the sidewalk, let’s go back.
NURSE: Psh, she’s fine. There’s always at least one complete pansy when they do blood typing.
BELLA: So I totally should have skipped class. How did you see me, anyway? You ditched.
EDWARD: I was stalking-- er, listening to CDs in my car.
SOME ONE ELSE BLEEDING: HI.
EDWARD: Let’s go, NOW.
BELLA: Yay I can smell blood.
EDWARD: Ha. Creepy. Anyway, Mike’s here to glare and pointedly ignore me while talking to you.
BELLA: Oh.
MIKE: HEY BELLA, ARE YOU GOING TO THE BEACH THIS WEEKEND BELLA, WHAT’S GOING ON BELLA I LOVE YOU PLEASE MARRY ME BYE NOW.
BELLA: I don’t want to go to gym.
EDWARD: Okay let’s go.
READERS: Please... please God... tell me something interesting is about to happen.
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING GODDAMN INTERESTING AT ALL: *happens*
READERS: *cry*
END OF CHAPTER FIVE
---
Is there a point to this yet...? Stay tuned!
Continue on to Chapter Six...