this is me reaching out to you. this is me, closing my eyes, breathing in, trying to sense a pull, trying to feel where you are. .. and if it matters, where i am. this is me wishing we could have met at the same time in our lives, twenty years prior, in a society that could have accepted you for who we were

this is me saying out loud that i have ( Read more... )

i've spent the past week sober and struggling for sleep. and by struggling i mean, not only counting to forty but lying in bed counting for two hours; in that state between sleep and wake.. .. only maybe more awake. grabbing at lucid dreams and faded memories by their neck, trying to force out scenes as hours pass; not entirely sure if i had ( Read more... )

i had another lucid dream this morning. i was super excited when i got up because it is always was such a neat experience. as a seasoned recreational drug user i have to say: having a lucid dream is so much better than any drug i have ever done. furthermore there is no hangover or regret that almost always follows the latter. in fact, i have found ( Read more... )

i began the end of my work day today trying to catch the 1330 train home. when i had checked the schedule online, i had about 25 minutes to get there. the trains are 30 minutes apart on saturdays and i really didn't want to waste any part of my precious weekend waiting. it takes me about nine minutes to bike from work to bart. i rushed to change ( Read more... )

i had a pause moment yesterday in the midst of my busy routine as i heard the universe speak to me. it shook me and this time i listened. this time it came through with clarity and it happened in the midst of a very busy, hustling, and bustling day. from one procedure to the next. she had only slightly began to decline during the procedure and ( Read more... )

i had another lucid dream yesterday morning. i actually didnt realize i was dreaming but i did have that exploratory energy that is involved. i was in an apartment and i think my mom was present in a room or other. everything was very white and new. i knew that i could explore and that the apartment was unfurnished. i went into the living room and ( Read more... )

so several weeks i ago i had a fully lucid dream. the dream has faded and i should have written this down sooner but there is no time like the present, well no time like i might as well get around to this before it's too late. this is what it's like to be me ( Read more... )

i thought about you today ( Read more... )

this morning i had an incredible dream, well it was two with a slight interrupted break of awareness between. i now find myself completely absorbed by the latter of them. the former involved none other than the taker; the one who has been at the heart of my dreams and memories for what, two decades now? we were sitting on a couch, others were ( Read more... )

i am currently a week into my new job orientation and when i talked to my boyfriend last night i told him that i am sad and depressed and just wanted to be alone. he hardly took it well and i have to say i think i am only taking it so-so well. i have to admit, this is why i never liked relationships. family, friends, intimate. they have always been ( Read more... )