~I am finding ( Read more... )

It is lost to me, the Silence ( Read more... )

My Silence swirls gently around me, caressing everything that I hold dear. It dances lightly, but I can see the weight the bears down on It's shoulders. I know It has long bourne a burden meant only for It. I know now that my Silence has not been playing with me, has not been dancing around me in vain ( Read more... )

I don't do this often, because I've not usually had support from outside sources. In fact, this is the first time within the four years that I've carried this journal that I've made such an entry. So you may not ever see this again ( Read more... )

The prying eyes and ears can just stay away. Everyone says that time will heal all ails, and that children will recover faster from trauma. The truth could not be farther from that statement. I should know as well as anyone how some things that happened so long ago can still haunt your life, forcing you into a mold you don't fit in, into ( Read more... )

I came very close to... something... yesterday. What it was, I'm still not quite sure. I wasn't tracking particularly well yesterday, and mostly what I remember is laying on the couch, watching something or other on tv, wishing for a Silence I could never have ( Read more... )

I'm falling into this again. Deeper. Deeper.

I. I don't think I can do this again. Not again.

I remember when the world exploded, crushing me into my own oblivion. The journey was quick, but the consequences linguer. Confusion and distruction lie in its wake, unanswered questions burning to cinders as the pieces fall around me ( Read more... )

Ouch. That was the wrong thing to do.

As always, now the guilt is overwhelming.

There's something truly calm and serene about acceptance. For awhile I boil, roil, my intestines flailing wildly about inside me in utter chaos as I try to make sense of my world, and the pain and anger that rages through me. Soon it will culminate into a giant overwhelming explosion of all the things I've been trying to fight for so long. ( Read more... )