so havent been to java in a while. to tell the truth it was a nice break i missed it but it was nice to do something different. and i was told that even when im there im not there. which really hurt because i made an honest effort to walk around and talk to people or be in a group of people and not off by myself with chris. so i dont know ( Read more... )

havent updated in so long. never home anymore or at least when i am im sleeping ( Read more... )

its funny how you write things in your journal and when you go back and look at what you were thinking and feeling you go oh god was it really that bad? i dont know if it was or is. guess we will see ( Read more... )

im hurt. all i feel right now is a big ball of burny pain. i dont like it. i tried to talk it out and it just hurts more. then hes tells meri im crying hystericly. not the case. i was crying because i have no other release i was glad i could cry. i dont know what to do or how to feel. im in love with dan i guess or lord knows what i would do ( Read more... )

i dont know how to feel what to think. i viewed as a traitor in the eyes of someone i love. why does everything have to be so black and white its not always one or the other not in my world. i tired of always have to makes decisions like that. i didnt mean to do anything wrong, i just wanted things to be ok. but it cant and it wont and i just dont ( Read more... )

Man I havent updated in a long time. Its been a crazy long week but a good one. So many things going on all at once yet nothing at all. Life is funny but good. ::big happy sigh ( Read more... )

Today was a pretty shitty day. I wake up my Mom needs 20 bucks so I give it to her of course then she comes back in my room a little bit later to let me know she is going to take my car to work today because her tranny has a leak. My car. My fucking car that barely makes it to Perris and back she is going to take to mother fuckin San Diego. I was ( Read more... )

Man today blew big time! It all started with this god awful trip to the doctor. Called up Dr. B told him whats up same shit as always except this time I had to go get xrays my appoitment wasnt until 3:45 in the afternoon but I had to leave my house at 11:00 to go get my xrays done because this place doesnt make appointments you just walk in. So I ( Read more... )

Maybe I fucked up and maybe you fucked up and maybe we both did. This is life all I can do is apologize and see what happens. I get my feelings hurt quite easily. I give out my heart quite easily. Everyone I meet has my blind devoted trust. When the trust gets broken I dont give up on that person (maybe I should) that person just has to earn it ( Read more... )

aaaahhhhh one of the best damn weekends ever. So Friday I get fired and that sucked go to my happy place Java with my happy friends. Got to go to Dan and Stephs was only gonna stay one night ended up staying the whole weekend! I had a lot of fun it was nice to be away from home and around people I know care about me. Drinking for days! It was ( Read more... )