Pimpology 101 - Volume 2 by Don Lothario
The Don is back with a continuation of my bestselling book offering advice on being the best PIMP/PLAYA you can be! Read on to find out how you too can please the ladies like the Don!
(Read Pimpology 101 here.)
( Also, if you haven’t read my poem, check it out here.)
Pimpology 101 (Volume II)
(The Study Of Pimptasticness Continues in 8 more steps!) by Don Lothario (*Names have been changed to protect the naughty!)
Rule #1 - AVOID The Pitter-Patter of Little Feet
Pimps, when you reach my level you have to watch out! Some women will be SO caught up in making you their #1man they will stop at nothing. They will even be sneaky and have kids that they say are yours! (Billie Jean wasn’t my lover either!!!)
The Don is speaking from personal experience. I still don’t know when the ALLEGED events happened! The only pitter-patter you should look for are those of a woman’s size 6 running to your love den!
Another pitter-patter to avoid is the ready-made family. Some women have SO many kids that they are looking to make YOU the daddy! Let’s take Ricardo for example. He met a lady we’ll call Sandi*. They dated and he had the nerve to fall in love (poor sap). Sandi’s problem - she has 3 kids! Not one, not two, but THREE! Damn!
Ricardo didn’t care. He proposed anyway and they married. The Don couldn’t stomach seeing the nuptials!
Brothers, a #1 killer of pimpdom is big families. You may wonder whatever happened to Ricardo? I saw the poor fella passing by one day. He once had a great physique like the Don, now he has a big belly. Remember, the woman with a bunch of kids is better as a booty call and not a wife!!
Rule # 2 - Schedules Are Very Important
Some women may want to take all of your time, as if they are your ONLY woman (how selfish of them)! You have to find time for all of your ladies. That’s why 3 times of the day was created: morning, noon, and night.
On the weekend, I start my day around 9 AM. The Don rarely has to call ladies over as there is always someone waiting anxiously on the lawn! (Pimps, reach my status and this will be you too!) Take this lady inside and spend time together (at least 3-4 hours). Eat a breakfast and go to your hot tub, and do what comes natural!
By 1 or 2 PM, call your 2nd lady over and spend another 3-4 hours enjoying yourself over lunch!
By nighttime, you should have your 3rd conquest on the day on the way. If they should cross paths, tell lady #1 that the visitor is your cousin. (This works great when the lady leaving is the mail carrier, just tell your #2 she was delivering a letter that she failed to leave earlier- it works like a charm.)
This last lady should be able to eat a great dinner with and ease you to sleep. The next morning, send her on home and start over again! WOOWHOOOOOO!
Rule # 3 - Watch Out for the Woman That’s Watching You
The Don is humbled when a woman says she simply can’t get enough of the Don (if I could clone myself I would). There are some women, however, that REALLY can’t get enough of the Don. Some women don’t get the point and peep in your windows, follow you around, and try to start fights with your other ladies! These women are called stalkers and must be dealt with CAREFULLY!
Take Tina (my #4). She decided to wage war against the Don and caused confusion with my #8 lady, Laurie.* The Don is trained in keeping it cool, but Laurie freaked and told me off and tried to fight Tina. (That didn’t end well.)
So you may wonder pimps, how then do you stop this crazed woman? The Don will tell you. Letting this woman down easy is not an option. This is a time for sacrifice and she must be tricked into letting you down!
You must refer back to my first book. Look at your list of friends and find one gullible good enough to date this woman. I introduced Tina to Aaron*. She found him to be a “kind and passionate man.” She is now stalking him and dumped the Don. One less lady in the fold is an easy sacrifice!
(As for Laurie, she called the Don back that day to apologize for overreacting. That is the magic of the Don!)
Rule #4 - Be The Best Maintenance Man You Can Be
As a maintenance man, you will find that you fill an important role. You need to comfort your lady when her man fails to do so. Being a maintenance man can however, be challenging. How so you ask the Don? It all comes down to conversation. Let me explain.
As the maintenance man, your ladies will always end up talking about her daily life. For instance, married women will talk about their kids. When she does, just smile and nod. It’s that simple. Continue to seem interested, she’ll believe you are a good listener and will be ready to give you your gold star in the bedroom.
Another example is when she complains about her man. She may say, “You can teach my man a thing or two about treating a lady! He doesn’t do the things he used to do for me.” Pimps, the Don has this covered! Sit back and rest assured. Her man is probably reading this book now and has a few ladies of his own. Therefore, the Don is teaching him! She’s just doesn’t realize that she’s not high on his list of ladies. Your role as the maintenance man is to make her feel like she’s your #1. Use these tactics and the war can be won every time!
( Click here for Rules 5-8.)