My dear... you know, I don't quite have a proper name for you, do I? You most certainly aren't the Doctor, so that won't do... Ah. Yes, for the purposes of this, your name is now Thomas. I shall change it later and at whim, should it not please me when I refer to you again.
Now, out of the utter kindness of my soul, I've a gift to offer you.
(
I spent ages thinking of just the thing for you. )