soon i'm gone. not soon enough some days, too soon others. i just want to be me again. one person. i let one person break me. i don't know who lacks more respect for me. me or her. you know we went to the movies the other night and before it started she got up. she was gone longer than it takes to take a piss or even a shit for that matter ( Read more... )

today. there is so much pressure to do something tonight. i just don't care. i really don't get into halloween. when i was a kid i did of course but not now... no i don't think that it's just for kids but it just seems like a hassle. and seeing my friends stress out over their costumes stresses me out watching them. i don't want it. when you ( Read more... )

twelve-something... phone rings. i hear a's voice on the other end. she sounds upset. i think, oh shit, somebody else is dead. thankfully that wasn't the case. she just wanted to hear my voice. she had just talked with ms. o. she wants her to come over and go through n's things with her and m. what a task, but who else is there to do it? ( Read more... )

it's been so long since i've written in here. i actually thought that i had just stopped for good. but being here and writing feels so good. even if i don't have anything to say. life is good right now. i finally made up my mind a few months ago and decided to go with my instinct and move. i'm happy about my decision although i miss it real ( Read more... )

why is it that every time i write in here it's always bad? why am i where i am? what the fuck did i do? this is more or less a letter to you... you are so fucking selfish. i really fucking hate you right now. i gave up so much just to feel worse than i originally did. why do people follow their hearts? granted i have more money but i'm ( Read more... )

i feel like years of my life are being spent mourning the loss of g/f's. the last one was hard but this one, i never thought that i could possibly feel this bad for this long. here is some of the story ( Read more... )

again i am not enough. she wants to be with other people. what else am i supposed to say? what do you say to that? how can i respond? this is the 3rd time this has happened. i can't make sense of it. why don't you understand that i just want to be with you? why is that so hard? it took us so long to get here, or maybe it took me so long to get ( Read more... )

i wish i had a proclivity for the written word. i admire those that do. i also wish i could draw. i saw this really nice sketch pad/pencil set at the store yesterday. i really wanted it but it was expensive. i can't draw either. i wanted to draw a picture of this girl. in my head i could see exactly how i wanted it to look on the paper. but ( Read more... )

i am waiting for you to make a decision. i feel like i'm waiting for you to decide about me, although you state otherwise. i wish this wasn't so hard for you. it's so simple for me. yeah, there will be some kinks to work out, but they are just kinks. nothing that can't be fixed. last night it seemed like the biggest issue was taking the car ( Read more... )

i cleaned up bad memories of the past. they are still there but not visible now. to me or you. they can be to me if i need for them to be. now there is not much to look at. who wants to see that every time they come here? although not many people come here. just seems like me and one other. this is fine. this is to vent and jot. i don't need ( Read more... )