i'm not really sure what to say anymore. i'm just sort of... numb. i am still just coasting along and i'm not sure what to do. i need something. i just don't know what that is. a job would of course would be nice. some form of income. with a job i could keep the place where i live. i think that would do a lot for my fragile psyche at the ( Read more... )

i feel so worthless. i just want my life back. i feel so lost. i'm so scared. i'm scared of what the future holds. i have never been so terrified to live. so scared to wake up every morning. i just know that everyday will just lead to more heartbreak. more pain. more disappointment. i have never been so lost on how to fix what's wrong with ( Read more... )

i feel better today. both physically and mentally. I think i caught that 24 hour flu that Kadie had. that pretty much sucked. things in other parts of my life are going about as well as i could hope for. nothing is perfect by any stretch, but things are better than they were a week ago. it makes me wonder if this is a turn around for the year ( Read more... )

so i'm sick again. this time it's a body sick where last time it was a head cold. my uvula is all swollen. i have never encountered this before. it's a very uncomfortable feeling. i still have hope for the short term future. i just hope that my meeting with Anna goes well tonight. i feel like i should go back to sleep but i can't. i'm achy ( Read more... )

just like that... a phone call and an out stretched hand... and a small spark of hope lights inside. i have to be careful not to get over excited and blow to hard or i will blow it away. must be cautious and treat it with care. but it's there. thank you for this... you know who you are...

i feel like i'm retreating into a fantasy world. i feel like none of this is real. more and more i just keep telling myself that everything is fine. i'm not losing my home. i'm not alone. i didn't mess everything up. come this afternoon everything will be back to normal and then i can continue on with my life and everything will be grand! but ( Read more... )

so i have been up for a few hours now and i haven't cried yet. that's good i suppose. i just don't think it feels real yet. i still feel like everything will be ok. even though i know it won't. my head keeps telling me to move on, but my heart won't let go. my spirit is crushed. i feel empty, hollow. i feel so lost. this year has given me ( Read more... )

almost no sleep again last night. i still can't believe this is happening. i keep hoping that i will wake up, and it will be several months ago and i will be able to avoid all of this. i have never fallen so low. i have never hit suck a low point in my life. and the thing that stings the worst is i did it all to myself. there is no way i can ( Read more... )

still sad and hopeless. another hour and it will be time for bed. i hope i actually get some sleep tonight. doubtful. tomorrow i have to really get my ass in gear sorting and packing. that is going to be very hard on me. not just because moving sucks, but because of what it means. all the memories. gone. my independence. gone. my security ( Read more... )

i am terrified of what the future is going to bring for me. with nothing stable in my life right now, i dont know what to expect. and with the year going the way it has been going, it scares me to death wondering what is coming. i feel like no matter what decision i make it will be the wrong one. every one i made so far has brought nothing but ( Read more... )