this all hurts so much. i am emotionaly exhausted. i dont know how much more i can take. this is too hard. i have never been more miserable. i am so lost and in so much pain. all i want to do is sleep and not wake up. when will this pain end?

nothing is getting any easier. i still feel like shit. i sit here and i feel like i'm losing my home. i have nothing. no home. no support structure. no family. i feel so alone. i feel like i'm losing what very little stability i had in my life. i am crushed. i would give anything just to be numb. it all hurts so much. i am so lost. i don' ( Read more... )

i cant believe i have to start packing. this place has been my home for the past 2 years. its the first place i felt like i had an actual home in longer than i can remember. this sucks so much. i never was at home anywhere else i stayed. i was always at someone elses house. i cant believe i have to go back to that. its so uncomfortable. i ( Read more... )

i fucking hate my life. why is it that everything i do always turns out wrong? i dont mean to cause so much pain. i want to do good but it never works out. why am i so fucking selfish? i was happy for so long but i could never accept it. maybe i thrive on sadness. maybe i just wont let myself be happy. is there some disorder where i ( Read more... )

so scott came over today to hang out with me and listen to my woes. he offered me his spare room again and i think im going to take it. it's going to be a whole new area for me to get used to but i'll adapt just like i always do. despite this positive step, i still feel like shit. i still feel like there is no hope for anything that matters. i ( Read more... )

i stood in the shower, scalding water pouring over me like i'm trying to burn away my sins. all i can do anymore is think about the past and how i would do things differently. if i could change just a hand full of things my life would be so much better right now. at least i would like to think so. i try so hard to hold on to hope. i want to ( Read more... )

i've only been up for a few hours and it feels like an eternity. time seems to drag. every hour seems like a year. i just dont know how to cope anymore. I feel so alone. abandoned. forgotten. I read something yesterday that said people contemplate suicide when their burdens seem to out weigh their support structure. i have no support structure ( Read more... )

I had fitful sleep last night at best. i would wake up in a cold sweat, heart racing. nightmares. then there were the periods of being wide awake because my thoughts wouldn't let me fall asleep. i just dont know which way to turn. my past is full of regrets and bad decisions, my present is full of uncertanty, and the path im on right now my ( Read more... )

i feel so lethargic and empty. i never knew what that meant before, feeling empty. this is the first time i have ever felt it. it honestly feels like there is nothing inside me. like my limbs and head and body are just shells with nothing inside. it is not a pleasant feeling. i cant bring myself to even look for something to eat. my stomach ( Read more... )

well that was an utter waste. i just tried to contact the free clinic mental health services and got an answering machine. the message said after the initial evaluation it will take at least 2 months before they can get anyone in for treatment. lots of fucking good that will do me! well fuck now what. i decide to try something to make an ( Read more... )