Reading over the last few entries. And as I sit here, I find myself 5 YEARS LATER going through the same thing again. The common denominator is me. I don't understand, or know, how to fix me. I know where I want to be, but I don't know how to get there. Be true to myself, but what is myself. Who the hell am I? What do I like? What do I not like? Do ( Read more... )

I can't stop imagining having a girlfriend. Someone I can have over to my apartment to chill, watch shows with, knock boots.... But first things first, I don't even have a place yet. And even if I did, I DONT WANT TO HAVE SOMEONE TO CHILL WITH!!! I want to just deal with myself. I too fucking old to go down that road again. I would just feel stupid ( Read more... )

I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, FOCUS, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, FOCUS, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care.....

I think I'm tired of being treated life a chump.

Just came back from my parents and had a huge fight with my brother.  It started because I was talking to my parents about how my brother stormed off earlier in the day. He came home in the middle of the convo and thought we were laughing at him. ??? Yelling and f - bombs ensued and he stormed off. He finally came back back and we talked at length ( Read more... )

Part of this "all about me" attitude needs to involve a "no bullshit" clause.

I can't wait for this uncoupling to happen. I need to reestablish my personal sanctuary ASAFP. I know things will get better, but I'm tired of waiting. And I'm tired of feeling like I'm always wrong. And I'm tired of working. I have 4 jobs. Two of them offer pretty good perks, but I'm never around long enough to enjoy them. At the hotel, they ( Read more... )

I've decided that 1) I want to live in one of those bungalow community things, or an historic type building. 2) I want to get a futon. Maybe because I'm used to them, but I like the look of a studio with a futon. I thought briefly of a bunk bed with no lower bed, and put my desk under there. Just ideas...

Things are moving more rapidly. Wendy was ( Read more... )

I had an interesting dream last night. I dreamt a girl at work I have a crush on was being very flirty. When it became evident her feelings were reciprocated, she pointed at my wedding ring and said girls don't like to date guys who wear those. Good point...

And that touches on a very important point, I DO NOT want to make this into a search for ( Read more... )

Had another conversation the other night, she wanted to apologize for "pushing you away", but she just doesn't want to be "categorized" as a wife. She's kinda having a self-realization phase in which she wants to refocus her life...at least that's how I remember it.

In a way, it kind of gave me relief.  I'm not sure that's the right word, but I felt ( Read more... )