So, it's official.. i'm fucking depressed. I've barely done a damn thing for the last week, and i pretty much went off my rocker last night. I said so many hurtful things to Ryan that i'm not even sure i can undo the emotional damage i've done. I honestly don't blame him if he isn't able to get over it ( Read more... )

So, i've come to the realization that i'm mourning the loss of my mother (she's still alive mind you). I haven't spoken to her in months, i believe it was September or October since we last spoke. This time feels different than all the other times where we stopped speaking for a couple months. Whereas, i have the desire to pick up the phone and ( Read more... )

Okay, so my day started out okay, until i tried to leave the house, i was in a hurry to leave for Jury duty, so i didnt really remember the fact that we left a narrow margin for the car in the driveway... and i got stuck! so finally after digging myself out in a skirt and dress shoes i'm off... i have to get gas because i'm way below E... drive the ( Read more... )

I think forward to three to five years from now, and wonder what will happen if I get pregnant. I picture doing things together like picking out baby furniture, clothes, and toys. Reading together on how to raise the baby, safely. Researching all the things there is to know about raising a child and talking about those things together. I want my ( Read more... )

Well, i should really be sleeping right now, however i'm not...maybe because tomorrow im getting a test done where they shock my muscles, kind of scary. Although i'm hoping it ends up being no big deal. I'm more worried about the one in two weeks where they stick needles in and shock you (anyone else feeling like a mentally insane person yet ( Read more... )

Well, yesterday i put in my formal request to transfer to part time in September. This way i can go to school full time, and finish up ASAP... I'm currently working on hw.. waiting to leave in about 35 minutes to meet Ryan at OU and then drive over to Stony Creek for a BBQ with some of his co-workers... we should be there already but he wanted to ( Read more... )

So, i think Ryan and i got in a fight (?) because i'm sick. my body is still numb, today was a particularly bad day, although it hasn't been like this in quite some time which is definitely a good thing. anyways, "I" think it's because it scares him and for whatever reason he can't show me that he's worried/cares about me. I also was leaving the ( Read more... )

Well, i suppose there isn't really much to report. Life has been extremely busy the last few months.. sometimes i don't think i know which end is up. Trying desperately to iron out a plan for school for the next few years, don't feel like i can get around trying to quit my job.I love the fact that almost no one is being support of me in this ( Read more... )

So yeah.. i'm moving in with Ryan (eeeeeekkkk) while i've been practically living with him as it is... we're making it official now.. i gave me landlord/roommate notice through a text message last night (not my preferred method mind you) but as i was talking to a friend about being nervous about giving him notice today of all things he text ( Read more... )

Today again, i doubt myself... I thought i was really making some headway with my personality and keeping my sarcasm/emotions in check, had a really shitty day at work today... i'm trying really hard to distance myself from the bullshit thats going on at work... upset over the fact that ryan was supposed to be home today.... not coming home till ( Read more... )