i am having like the woooorst couple of days ever the few consolations i have are grumpy old men and the custom mothafuckin paint job on my 92 corolla deluxe bitchhhhhhhhhidjlkjdl;ka;llska

i am watching the bachelorette for the first time ever and it is already so insane. i want 25 dudes vying for my affection but my version would be better cos i wear be wearing all purple sweat suits and getting blackout drunk (for obvious reasons ( Read more... )

this is some kind of mini brainstorm sesh that i found in stickies from when i turned retarded on a plane:

5 screwdruvers later: shalom!! death by karate boomerang! god bless america.

only watch tv carnage on a plane if yr totally shit faced on vodka and percocet. "it's pretty cool."

another old bastard is moving into my house and after he fixes the stove i'm going to kill him.

today i filled out a college application because when i turn 30, i will blossom into a beautiful flower with an AA in something stupid like korean or theatre or auto body painting.

i just google image searched "BOYS!" and now i feel sort of crazy but not in the way you think because it was seriously the gayest shit ever.

so that's what's up with me.

i forgot im not wearing pants oops!1

i got some chickens and they are pretty chill.

also, interviewed for a job at a taco stand. not promising.

got the early times bong working pretty great with a hot glue gun.

commence chillification.

the junior prince of polynesia gave me a 5 million year old weed pipe and beach boys just came on the radio

i'm going to start making my own fat elvis videos because the ones on youtube are not hilarious enough.

and i'll tell you what else!:

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