Of all the deaths in the news lately, I'm saddest about Billy Mays.

I'm eating a pomegranate Tootsie pop, which I didn't even know existed until today, and wondering if I could develop a Tootsie pop habit without getting fat.

Hmm.

Watching the debate and I think I missed something.

Can somebody please tell me how the average height of South Koreans relative to that of North Koreans is relevant at all?

There's a woman on Wheel of Fortune right now named Trashawna.

Who in their right mind would name their kid that?

Also, she just said that it was "umm... maybe the wicked stepmother?" who changed Cinderella's pumpkin into a carriage. Like having a stupid name wasn't enough.

I bet if you tied Rachael Ray's hands together she wouldn't be able to talk.

I was looking through some old photos my mom has lying around. Alex saw this picture and I was like "That's ME when I was a baby." And he said "You're the cutest baby EVER, Mom." So I was like "No, I'm not." He said "Wow, I was so cute!" and I was like "You really were, kid."

"Well, I still amYeah, you really are ( Read more... )

Maury's doing a fat kids show and there's a woman on there who has a two year old boy who weighs SIXTY TWO POUNDS. Her 9 year old daughter, also fat, DIED IN A FIRE a year ago apparently because she "slept so deeply because of her weight" that she simply didn't wake up to gtf out of the house. Anyway, this mother "can't" give her son less food ( Read more... )

Alex: Mom, I have a secret for you!

Me, leaning my ear toward his mouth: Oh?

Alex, whispering: You're cool.

Me, totally aghast: REALLY?!

Alex, still whispering: You're very, very, very cool!

We'll see how you feel in, like, 8 years, kid...

I was sitting outside earlier enjoying a day that was both fairly warm and without rain. There's a dead thing on the side of the road maybe 150 feet from my house. It's been there since the day before yesterday. So this truck pulled up on the opposite side of the street from the dead thing. It was a personal vehicle, so not somebody who cleans up ( Read more... )

We went to Subway for lunch. I'm sitting there, my back to the door, wondering since when Subway's jalepenos are so hot and I notice that Alex has a face-wide grin and is kind of snickering. I turn my head a bit to the right when he whispers "It's a cop!" and, sure enough, there's a cop. Having no idea what's so amusing about a cop in Subway, I'm ( Read more... )