Someone said something to me the other day that has been slowly sinking into meaning. She said "I just treat it like everything is an accident and then I can't really get angry about it
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I just had a conversation with my friend Robin the other day about the difference between being self-aware and self-absorbed. Most people give themselves credit for working on themselves when what they actually doing is wallowing in the pool of their own needs and desires. How often does one voluntarily examine the ways in which their own behavior annoys or fails other people? Meaning, without someone else complaining. Never! (If one is honest, it is a list that is not fun to make).
I am guilty, guilty, guilty of too much self-importance. You are so right that the key is to think of others first. I really hope I get better at this, I am sure it would make me a happier person.
someone said to me once "Emily, not everyone is as interested in what goes on in your head as you are and once you figure that out you'll be much more fun to hang out with."
yeah... that hurt. But when I finally did stop being so self obsessed I looked back and saw real truth in that statement even though it maybe wasn't the most sensitive thing to say to me at that point in my life. The person who said it really really especially had no right saying it for many reasons... but whatever.
I can say that now that my life has become more focused on others I am a thousand times happier. :)
Eeesh, that's rough. That's not a way to talk to people, but at least you took something positive from it. Good for you!
Right now I have to *actively* practice being generous (giving of things I may want for myself) and good listening. Just this week, I did two things that were nice, that I had to make myself do because it was inconvenient and cost me some trouble. Someday this will hopefully come naturally and I will obtain this contentedness I keep reading about! ;) Supposedly, concern for the happiness of others is the best way to permanently regulate depression. I am hoping this is so. It would seem you agree.
yeah, I do agree! I actually get excited when the universe provides me with opportunities to help others. Little things like opening a door for someone, or picking up something a stranger dropped, or just smiling at people. It makes my day brighter to see the small effects I can have on the people who I encounter. I like to think that this is where life is really led, in these small details that often never get noticed or rewarded, but that effect positive change better than grand gestures often do.
I agree with all of this, with the caveat that there are people who put others before themselves, but do so to the point of martyrdom, which therefore makes them guilty of being just as self-involved/self-important as those who are soley focused on themselves. (Over-dramatic catholic mothers are great at this
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oooo yes. that is definitely an important caveat. martyrdom is very unappealing for everyone involved. yuck yuck yuck. I have struggled with that a lot in the last few years, I expect I always will on some level.
it's a constant battle no? Which is why every day we must choose to be the person we want to be. Eventually the battle feels more like a habit I guess. :)
I have recently noticed that people who are where they want to be did not come to be so by accident. It was achieved by deliberate action and mindfulness. Life provides enough randomness and accidents that you have to be aware and deliberate to do anything.
It very similar to the result that the twelve steps are supposed to have on people in recovery.
Ultimately, if you live your life with your head up your ass, things are always going to smell like shit.
I am interested to see your choice of wording "people who are where they want to be". It reminds me that a lot of times people are exactly where they want to be even if it's not what looks healthy from an outside perspective. Maybe they aren't even happy there, but it's still where they want to be. They still choose it every day.
i'm totally with you on this. but, i do think people need to become good for themselves before they can really be much good to others. sometimes they need to be a little self-absorbed in order to balance out and get to that good place. and i hope we all eventually do and can stay there. i find it always a balancing exercise. sometimes i'm surfing life awesomely... but eventually someone/thing falls on an edge and woops! i've work to do again! ;-)
in that last paragraph, you're summing up what i feel is the reason the world is always at war: with themselves, with their lovers, friends, family, country, etc. it would be pretty great if we could all be ideal...
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I am guilty, guilty, guilty of too much self-importance. You are so right that the key is to think of others first. I really hope I get better at this, I am sure it would make me a happier person.
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yeah... that hurt. But when I finally did stop being so self obsessed I looked back and saw real truth in that statement even though it maybe wasn't the most sensitive thing to say to me at that point in my life. The person who said it really really especially had no right saying it for many reasons... but whatever.
I can say that now that my life has become more focused on others I am a thousand times happier. :)
Reply
Right now I have to *actively* practice being generous (giving of things I may want for myself) and good listening. Just this week, I did two things that were nice, that I had to make myself do because it was inconvenient and cost me some trouble. Someday this will hopefully come naturally and I will obtain this contentedness I keep reading about! ;) Supposedly, concern for the happiness of others is the best way to permanently regulate depression. I am hoping this is so. It would seem you agree.
Reply
It is habit forming though! So watch out! ;)
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it's a constant battle no? Which is why every day we must choose to be the person we want to be. Eventually the battle feels more like a habit I guess. :)
Reply
It very similar to the result that the twelve steps are supposed to have on people in recovery.
Ultimately, if you live your life with your head up your ass, things are always going to smell like shit.
Reply
I am interested to see your choice of wording "people who are where they want to be". It reminds me that a lot of times people are exactly where they want to be even if it's not what looks healthy from an outside perspective. Maybe they aren't even happy there, but it's still where they want to be. They still choose it every day.
hmm....
Reply
in that last paragraph, you're summing up what i feel is the reason the world is always at war: with themselves, with their lovers, friends, family, country, etc. it would be pretty great if we could all be ideal...
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