so maybe I'll just keep private things hidden and share my open thoughts. I'm really looking forward to Lent.

I have tried w/ varying levels of success to keep up a journal. For a long time I thought it was important for me to make some sort of statement about my existing in the world at the present time. I guess a general shout-out to the world so to speak. Mainly that a person that they had never encountered before was out in the wild struggling with ( Read more... )

Or rather, statement of "Hey, you, you didn't break me and I am accountable for my actions but not yours."

These lyrics are my favorite right now. Fighter, written by Christina Aguilera, Scott Storch

After all you put me through ( Read more... )

She was really entertaining and beautiful. I think she got a lot of crap from people who were judgmental, classcist or jealous. Never mind the people prejudiced against fat and/or depression ( Read more... )

I have just been angry for so long. I have had severe rage issues for a long time. I rarely physically hurt other people because I don't like to be cruel. I have had terrible masochism issues w/ myself and property of mine. I have done damage to some other people's things but not in a long while. I find throwing glass bottles to be my favorite and ( Read more... )

It takes a lot of practice and I do feel like I try HARD. I don't know why it's so incredibly difficult for me but I have a list in my head of people that I bear varying degrees of ill will to. Some I've had for nearly twenty years and they weren't ever nice people in the first place, they are the ones I have the hardest time letting go of. ( Read more... )

I know that at times I come off as vicious and angry and say that I want to to wildly violent things to certain people. Mostly it's just an outlet to release negative feelings. I really do try to be kind and compassionate though I don't always succeed. The times when I am most outraged though are when someone hurts my mother. She certainly has her ( Read more... )

Neil has begun editing the movie today. That's a huge step forward as far as I'm concerned. I'm really thankful to the people that are being supportive of this. However in a way I'm equally grateful to everyone that's ever been a cocksmoker and tried to stop the energy and the art. It just makes for more motivation. It makes everything hard won ( Read more... )

I'm not sure how it started or why but there is a profound difference in my thought process from the usual. I tend to dwell in an either/or world of 'it's all my fault, I'm the cause of the wolrd's problems' or complete vitimization and powerlessness. It's rather refreshing to realize that I'm not omnipotent nor am I without sway in the world. Even ( Read more... )

It's been incredibly hard for me to write lately. I'm beginning to see that there is benefit to doing difficult things sometimes. That's something people say all the time but you don't really understand until you find out for yourself. I had pretty much given up putting any effort into any activity at all. I'm aware that one can't give 100% all of ( Read more... )