they told me that i had to leave.
i never went back.

The color of blood is so bright, so festive.
I feel almost guilty releasing so much joy.
But after all, it is the holidays.
And everyone can use some holiday cheer.

No one gave my anything for Christmas.
I bought my friends a few gifts. But they gave me none.
I went out and bought myself a razor.
It is new and oh so shiny.

I wonder how long it will remain that way.

Today, I found out that euthanasia means "a good death".
It is a beautiful word.
Perhaps a good death is more important than a good life.
I wonder what death feels like?
I will find out one day.

I started cutting again.
It feels good.
All of my anguish flows out from my wrists.
Then I wipe my keyboard.

Livejournal tells me that I've only made one friend.
Sometimes I feel like I don't have any.

i thought i had made some friends at school.
i joined a fun club and they voted me in as president.
the underclassmen liked me.

today the upperclassmen and the teachers told me i had to be punished.
they told me that i have to leave.

i met a cute guy a few months back.
we hung out, we ate dinner, we went to concerts, we went to arcades.
i fell in love.

i haven't seen him for a few months.

today at school, they called me phreakphace.
the name is fitting somehow...
on the inside i feel like a phreak.
perhaps i will cut my phace to show the truth on the outside.

I've decided to deactivate my Facebook account.
I left them a nice message.

"It's too much. I'm going to seclude myself socially.
But it was fun while it lasted. Thanks."