(Untitled)

[t_mak]

I cannot be sober. It isn't in me. I have tried with no success for 5 years to be sober. I always relapse. Always. 
But I am still here, right? I am still living. I am still apart of a sober life, and a dope life. 
Maybe I let it take over too slowly. When I find myself being taken over, I clean up for a few months then the cycle begins again.

But I

Comments

[nuclear_bombs]

I totally agree. Thats how I feel. I love being high too much to ever completely give it up. There is nothing that compares to being high. Nothing, nothing in this world that can make me feel as good as being high. Nothing compares nothing. An you're right why should we deny ourselves the few things that make us feel pleasure and good?

[carrion_army]

^^ I second that!!! Especially for those of us who can play and still take care of responsibilities. I am not saying I don't let things slip up every now and then but for the most part the important shit is being taken care of.

posted on chemical for you

[2_crazy_2_care]

XOXO

BG

For the psychotic, neurotic, tacky, bitchy, etc.

[2_crazy_2_care]

Now, that you've added to the mystery. I'm even more intrigued....

Black Goddess

Re: For the psychotic, neurotic, tacky, bitchy, etc.

[divatoxic]

psychotic, neurotic, tacky, bitchy...

just my type ;)

[kikkai]

This sounds like something I would have written.

It's FAR better to get clean, though, than to have your family find out.

weird thing

[_inhale_]

don't get me wrong. i used to think of myself as a drugfiend.
but lately, i find myself looking down on people who can't say no to drugs. it feels like they're just refusing to fight an urge.

i know this sounds harsh. i used to love drugs, so it's a weird thing for me to be writing this.

but tell me: am I completely off? is it really making a decision, choosing the high? or is it just not being able to resist the urge?

Re: weird thing

[t_mak]

The urge I seek is the high, the nothing and no one compared, and the pleasure I get from it. The reason of this decision (maybe I am only trying to convince myself) is because I want to. I don't think its because I need to.
But I am finally saying, why not? Why fight a failing battle if I can so easily run my life and be high too? Is this really that fucked up?

No, probably not.

[_inhale_]

I guess it's my problem, not yours. I'm too scared of losing control. I don't know...

When I was 13 my perfect future looked like this: there was always cocaine and rockstars around. And I was a fully functioning, successful heroin junky.
I wonder what happened..?