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Argh
Zander and I don't think alike at all. I don't even know how we ever got together in the first place and managed to stay together for 2 years. It's so fucking hard to connect with him as friends. I'm like this 4 year old kid and he's like this 14 year old teen.
He said that he doubts we'll be friends forever. :(
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Hungover
I just remembered that I vowed to keep off alcohol except for the occassional glass of wine, and now it's even more clear why.
I've had worse feeling hangovers, but what makes this the worst overall is that last night, I made such a fool of myself. And when I realized this this morning, I thought, oh it's good that I wont have to see these people ( Read more... ) -
Just like a dream
There's this girl who's got the most beautiful spirit I've ever encountered in my life. She's the kind of girl who'd drive across 2 states in one go, after a long night of work and a day of exams just to see you and hang out. She smells of vanilla and heaven. Maybe I already wrote about her, maybe I haven't, but I think about her every now and then ( Read more... ) -
Today
I have an Administrative Assistant job interview on Thursday. It's in an advertising agency, so I guess it should be okay. I just hope that I won't faint in all my nervousness.
I wrote Dana a poem on the back of this black and white photograph I took of a roof with birds perched on it. It was one of the two copies I was able to print myself using ( Read more... ) -
Losing Hope
Not knowing when I'll be able to wake up next to him again is becoming unbearable. The distance between us is increasing, and in these times, I'm starting to lose hope in the idea that we'll be able to come up with something to keep us together. I miss him terribly. I wonder if he loves me enough to stick this through.
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The Navy
I have this overwhelming desire to join the navy. Right now it just seems like it would greatly increase my overall life satisfaction. I feel the need to be disciplined, to have some organized purpose. This purpose I don't quite understand, but it's a purpose nonetheless. I really crave this excitement in my veins. I need it to keep me from sulking ( Read more... ) -
Mother
There are some feelings that I feel like I shouldn't be feeling. I shouldn't be feeling deepressed everytime I talk to my mother. I shouldn't be having such a great desire to kill myself everytime I hang up the phone after talking to her. I shouldn't start believing that every failed relationship she's had over the span of my life is not her fault ( Read more... ) -
Industrial Music & Women?!
I am a little bit troubled that the two things that turn me on the most are industrial music and women.
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I wonder who
I have an imaginary brother who is 12 years old.
It's 4am and my mom just called asking me whether I used the extention to her credit card to purchase something online in Game Link. I just googled it and its some kind of porn site? WTF.
Anyway, she said she's going to block the card and I said okay. I put the phone beside Matthew, my imaginary ( Read more... ) -
Xanga on Alex
Reading my old xanga site, I found something about a guy I had a crush on in my English class, first quarter in college. His name's Alex. I saw him walking to class in the rain one day and I offered him a space under my umbrella. I wish I could remember his last name so I could look him up and see if he's still a cutie.