I saw this guy that I used to date today. He came by my place to see me before his flight home tomorrow. He's the sweetest person in the universe. Why couldn't I love him like he deserved to be loved? And why does he still hold me the way he always has?

I'm not attracted to men with feminine hands. And for some reason, I fall in love with hands that have a lot of character. I like them big and pawlike. Hahaha

I'm having a really hard time tolerating the little things about Dana that I should be able to look past. He and I are just not alike nor opposite enough. It's frustrating.

I really feel like my experiences with Zander made me into this mess. I know it's easy to blame people. That is why I'd like to do it. I'm not like this at all. At least I wasn't ( Read more... )

My boyfriend greeted me 2 days before my birthday. I said that he was too early and he told me that in London it was. I told him, only if London was 2 days ahead. He apologized. I called him 2 days after, just a little past midnight his time. I wanted to talk. I didn't mind that he was out with his friends. He told me he'd call me back, but not ( Read more... )

Maybe some of the people who have commited suicide didn't really want to die. Maybe they just felt like they should, because they think they deserve it. Maybe the other options in life were just unbearable. Maybe they're just as broke and as helpless as me. Maybe they were just incapable of seeing a life of possibilities. Maybe it's stubbornness.

Dana and I got into a little arguement today, but we came to the conclusion that all that matters is that we love each other and that we want to be together.

I also realize that I've started dismissing conversations.

I really need to get my foot in advertising soon. I really need to get out of New Jersey soon. I really need to do something soon. Why am I stuck for a dragging ride all the time?

I realized, if I really wanted to take back the past 4 years of my life and change things that I sort of regret (career choice-wise), I don't think I would have ever met Dana or Kai. And life... would be a little more superficial. I guess some people move the smallest things in us, and make is realize the biggest changes we're capable of.

Big red button ["Give up"] = Darkness. End.

I've been waiting to dream about Dana for so long, but it never seems to happen. He dreams about me, and he waits for me to dream about him. Last night, I dreamt about Zander confronting me about Dana. Why is it that I never seem to dream about people who consume my every waking thought? When I was with Zander, I rarely dreamed about him.