Ignorance is Bliss: Chapter 10 Part 1
*In the sporking room*
Mantra: *With arms crossed and a sour expression* Oh what, I only get to rest for HALF a chapter?
SOS: Stop whining. You know it's not going to help. At least you have someone here with you!
*There's a note on the other chair that says "Out to ramen! Back later!"...which was put there hours ago*
Twilight Sparkle: *Walks in* Hello! Do you remember me? Yeah...I was asked by this boy to take his place for sporking today.
Mantra: *Buries face in hands* Great. Not even a partner who I can flirt with.
SOS: *Pleasantly* Shut up and get back to work, slave.
Hi everyone! I'm so happy that I'm able to get my story out. My computer had a virus and I couldn't access any of my documents.
Mantra: That's what you get for having the biggest porn collection this side of the Atlantic.
Twilight Sparkle: I don't think it's right to assume something we don't even know the situation of...
Mantra: What else would you use the internet for, if not porn?
Twilight Sparkle: *Grins* Research and studying, of course! There's all kinds of things on the internet you can find and learn!
I finally got it cleaned up and here is chapter 10. I hope you enjoy it! Message and rate please!
SOS: Cleaned up? You mean this is actually EDITED?
Mantra: There's no way I'm going to enjoy this without barrels of booze.
Twilight Sparkle: I'd still rather read this than stories like "Cupcakes", though. *Shudders*
Mantra: *Incredulous* Your writer made you read CUPCAKES?
Twilight Sparkle: Oh, Celestia no! Pinkie Pie found it and made me read it. I actually thought she'd be offended by it, but she just laughed it off because she knows she'd never do that! ...Still was not easy to read, though.
Mantra: *Pats* I sympathise.
I want to thank Wolfxlover225 and Willyfreak26 for the wonderful banners.They are amazing
Mantra: *Sighs* Can't we hand the Suethor SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE points? It's starting to get annoying
Twilight Sparkle: Does the Suethor have low standards? *Levitates the banners with her magic* Because...they're not very good. They really don't convey the story or the characters at all. It almost seems like they were jokes.
Mantra: Very, very bad jokes.
SOS: And because sharing is caring, you guys will get to see exactly HOW bad.
I don’t think I even need to say how much the freaking CLASHES. The picture has a bazillion different colours in it, and all of them are obnoxious and bright and eye-burning next to each other. Whilst making a picture vibrant and colourful is not a bad thing, you have to pay SOME attention to how the colours go together, because bright, neon aqua has NO business next to neon hot pink no matter WHAT the situation. The coloured blocks are crude and amateur, and completely unnecessary too - you could just type the text without using glaring colours, you know. And while the text is easier to read here, the title is still blurry and pixellated and looks like it was done in half a minute TOPS. Which is probably true, considering how hastily pasted together this looks. I can’t imagine it was done in any other program than MS Paint.
This picture is basically a rip-off of the previous two banners, which were terrible in and off themselves, and somehow, this managed to combine all of the horrible in the previous pictures and amplify it a thousand time. The only commendable thing about the second banner was that it attempt at least somewhat to include the rest of the cast, and even such a juvenile concept eludes the maker of this banner, as she decided to only include Edward and Bella, for what reason I don’t know. They certainly don’t matter in the story. Their presence here is just superfluous and jarring. It feels like the pictures snuck in without the banner-maker noticing.
The pictures of the main couple are stretched and distorted, making them look vaguely uncanny and unsettling. I don’t know where the banner-maker found that picture of Emmett, but it is blurry as hell and he is very off centre, further contributing to the immature composition of the picture and throwing the viewers off balance. And the picture of the Sue…My GOD. One of the KEY plot points was that SHE WAS FREAKING PALE. THE SUETHOR RANTS ON AND ON ENDLESSLY ABOUT HOW PALE SHE WAS. THE REASON SHE KNEW EMMETT WAS A VAMPIRE WAS BECAUSE HE WAS PALER THAN HER, AND NO HUMAN CAN POSSIBLY BE AS PALE AS HER. I get that this is a very disastrous attempt at racial diversity or something, but it’s just makes no SENSE where the story is concerned. Especially when we know nothing of the Sue’s personality, so all she has are her looks. And that’s not even getting into how the photo is awkwardly cropped and unfinished looking.
Maybe this is less crappy than the first banner, but the bright clashing colours and amateur editing and inclusion of Edward and Bella for no reason definitely made this the worst banner by far in my opinion.
Also, I want to thank everyone that has messaged me so far about this story. You have no idea how happy it makes me to read your praises and encouragements.
Mantra: That's a nice mentality to adopt - complete ignore the constructive criticism because DAMMIT, you're ~speshul~! Anything you touch is gold.
Twilight Sparkle: Encouragement is always a good thing and it's nice to know that people do like your stuff. But really, criticism about your story will help you a lot more in the end. Writing isn’t about making yourself happy, it’s about making yourself grow. If you can enjoy the process, then that’s fantastic, but at the end of the day, you can’t improve if you don’t know what needs improvement.
LexiCullen, crimsonmoon101, tarae, dubdub7196, xBeautifullyxBruisedx, VampireReader02, Kanamesweetheart2008, Xxlost.in.darkness.xX, willyfreak26, bratty-princess, iLUVboisXO, SighingWinter, XxlovelessxX103, wolfxlover225, gracielee626, kcollins85, kissymissymay, D3m0ndrag0nxD, AliceAtHeart, XxAngelxXx1990xX, werewolfm, iLegacy, icytouya
Thank you all!
Mantra: *fishes around for a notebook and pen, and rapidly takes down notes*
Twilight Sparkle: Okay, why are you listing off every person who reviewed? That's really unnecessary. *Looks to Mantra* What are you writing down??
Mantra: Hmm? Oh, just a note to remind myself never to read the fanfics these people wrote. They obviously have no taste...or class.
Twilight Sparkle: Oh! No wonder, that's always a good idea to keep in mind.
Nami slammed the snooze of her alarm clock harshly. It was too early. Unwillingly she opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling.
NICKNAME MISUSE: 1
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 2
Mantra: The Slender Man stared back at her. "Go back to sleep." He said, before snapping her neck.
Twilight Sparkle: ...That's creepy. ...Anyway, so it's FINALLY the next day? Wow, because that whole first day of school for her lasted nine chapters!
Last night she and Emmett had stayed up late talking and joking.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 1
Mantra: Sure, talking and joking. I believe you.
Twilight Sparkle: Okay, Emmett I can understand staying up late because the vampires in this story don't need to sleep. But her? And for what reason? She’s going to meet him at school anyways the next day! And what reason did Emmett have for this? I would think he had more important things to do than to spend time with a human girl he hardly knows. I mean, sure, I know that part of building up a good couple is to have the two spending time together, but, this just doesn't many any sense.
Mantra: Especially since they only knew each other for ONE day. I think MOST people would be a little queasy about inviting what was basically a stranger into their bedroom.
But it was different then when she was with Ian.
Mantra: Emmett, for example, seemed very annoyed by her jabbering and absolutely refused to pork her.
Somehow with Ian it had been more serious, more complicated. There was always a trace of tension of some kind on his part. With Emmett it was carefree and fun.
WANGSTMUFFIN: 1
Mantra: Meaning? Ian was at least a little bothered by her blood. Emmett couldn't care less. Even by the insane romantic rules of Twilight, you're kind of failing pathetically there.
Twilight Sparkle: I'm not even sure I get what she's trying to say. If there's a trace of tension, well, why wasn't it addressed? Did you two not communicate enough?
SOS: *Curls up and whimpers* Ow…screw hammers, that was a freaking FREIGHT TRAIN of symbology…
Mantra: And I'd just like to point out that if you TENSE with someone, that person probably isn't a very good friend. One of the main tenants of friendship is TRUST.
Twilight Sparkle: And how!
Nami slid off the bed and stepped on something soft. She sighed. Her light silk blanket was yet again on the floor.
NICKNAME MISUSE: 2
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 3 (Resistance to cold and ridiculous wealth in one sentence? Really?)
Mantra: *Blinks* Well...thank god it wasn't a bunny that she stepped on? What is this aside for, again?
Twilight Sparkle: Okay, I know sometimes little details like this can make it seem a little more real. But it needs to work in context and not slow things down.
'Maybe I should just put it away altogether. It’s of no use to me - simply too hot to use it.’
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 3
Mantra: That is why you use COTTON blankets. Because it BREATHES. Silk is a fairly air-tight fabric, and the way the fabric is woven is designed to reflect your body heat back at you.
I see you just put that there to show off how OMG RICH you are, and ended up following the Cullen Law of looking like an ignorant, tasteless bastard.
Twilight Sparkle: But…she said before that, somehow, magically, she NEVER felt cold before. If so, then why does she even HAVE a blanket in the first place? If she knew that even Antarctic temperatures are tolerable to her, then why would she buy a blanket and keep it around to begin with?
Mantra: Just to show off her wealth with her luxury silk blankets, I assume.
Naomi picked it up and neatly folded it in her arms. The silk glided against her pale skin, as if both were equally smooth.
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 5
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 6
SOS: Okay, Suethor, silk isn't all that rare a material. DO SOME RESEARCH.
I used to do oil painting and had my hands almost constantly soaked in turpentine as a result - and thus I have very rough skin on my hands
And guess what?
When I touch silk, it still glides against my hands!
No matter how rough your skin may be, you can still detect how smooth silk is, because one has nothing to do with the other!
Twilight Sparkle: Not to mention, it's adding even more pointless padding to the story! Of course I know it's good to add some things that make you feel like it's a day in life, but this isn't working.
She washed up and got dressed. Today felt even warmer to Nami. She put on a black and white pleated mini skirt and a grey sweater that fell off her shoulders.
NICKNAME MISUSE: 2
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 7 (Go back to the weird Japanese porno you came from, please.)
Mantra: If it's that warm, why do you need to wear a sweater?
SOS: And you'd think models would have enough money to buy clothing that, you know, FIT them.
Her black socks reached a little above her knees. The outfit emphasized her thin frame and defined curves.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 9
Mantra: And by 'defined', the Suethor meant non-existent. Because, wouldn't you know it, boobs and asses are made out of FAT.
Twilight Sparkle: I don't know too much about human modeling, especially in this particular society...*Sighs* But then again, she is a lingerie model...
Naomi looked down at herself. She concluded that she looked like a Japanese school girl.
Mantra: Good, now all we need are some tentacles...
SOS: Japanese fashion is almost defined by extensive layering and a lot of accessories. You have one skirt, one sweater, and a pair of socks. That's not Japanese, dear. That's just school-girl, which isn't that hard to achieve, considering that you ARE one.
Twilight Sparkle: I think that-
Rarity: *Bursts right in* A sweater such as that with a pleated skirt?! Darling, really! That doesn’t look anything like the style you're thinking of! Oh no no no, this won't do! You simply can't dress a certain way and proclaim it to be another style altogether! It's absolutely despicable and insulting! How DARE you! *Walks out in a huff*
Twilight Sparkle: O.O Um....shall we move on?
She brought her black hair to one side and tied it in a loose braid, falling on her shoulder.
Mantra: ...O_O I think you should have that checked out. I'm pretty sure hair isn't supposed to fall out like that.
Twilight Sparkle: Enjoy your hair tickling at your face and being annoying all day.
She did this without looking at a mirror even once.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 10
Mantra: What, is she going to dance ballet with a blind-fold next?
SOS: And it's not even all that impressive. I tie my hair without mirrors all the time.
Twilight Sparkle: *Dryly* I brush my mane without looking in a mirror, too. Seriously, Naomi, that isn't even impressive in the least.
‘Of course it doesn’t look as good as when Ian did it for me.’ The thought pierced her heart.
WANGSTMUFFIN: 3
Mantra: Oh, boohoo. Woe is you. You don't look as nice as when a professional hairdresser was working for you. Oh, the tragedy.
Twilight Sparkle: *Eye roll* You make it sound like you have a coiffure you can't do yourself and you're trying to go to a big party to impress the socialites. Really Naomi, get over yourself. You're going to school. As long as you’re clean, I don’t think it matters how dazzling you are. And furthermore, aren't you trying not to draw attention to yourself? Oh, wait. *Facehoof*
But this time the pain wasn’t as intense as it had been the day before. What had changed? Maybe she had gotten used to it.
Mantra: No, dear. It's because you found a new object of obsession, so now you can toss your old fucktoy away. Because having an Epic Romance with a Cullen is a much better way to draw attention and make yourself look good than moaning over a past Twagic Romance
Twilight Sparkle: Why does this place smell like dead fish all of a sudden?
Mantra: Get used to it, dear. It’s gonna get a whole lot worse.
But that was the wrong assumption. She failed to notice the simple fact that Ian was no longer the only person she held dear. He was no longer the only one in her heart.
Mantra: FOURTH WALL, BITCH. YOU DON'T FUCKING BREAK IT WITHOUT GOOD REASON.
SOS: Oh yeah, because ONE DAY is all you need to be in an Epic Romance with someone. Kind of like how many one-night-stands turned into life-long marriages.
Twilight Sparkle: And don’t just TELL us that! We’re not going to buy it! You need to SHOW it! Perhaps instead of ranting on and on about the precise style of her hair, you could have shown us what Emmett and she talked about?
Mantra: And don’t forget the delicious implication that no one matters in the world except your fuck buddy. That’s the only person that’s gonna be in your heart - not your friends, not your guardian, not your pet…nope, it’s just whoever is sticking it in you at the moment.
Last night, when Emmett had gone home, his thoughts were confused beyond belief.
Mantra: YOU CAN'T READ EMMETT'S MIND. HE HAS NO FUCKING PSYCHIC POWERS!
Twilight Sparkle: I STILL don't understand that...*Shakes head*
Usually Edward felt no difficulty in listening to Emmett’s thoughts but, at that time the clear pool that was Emmett’s mind had become murky.
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 6
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 11
Mantra: And now we’re in Edward’s head? What the hell? TRANSITION, Suethor.
Actually, just don’t switch POVs at all. It takes TALENT to do that right.
Twilight Sparkle: That makes it sound like he's on some kind of drugs...
Not only that, but Rosalie was beginning to get jealous. She didn’t like Emmett spending time with a human.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 12 (Because the Sue is totally a legitimate threat to a 70 year long relationship that, despite being written by MEYER, is STILL deeper than anything she could produce.)
Mantra: Unless this ends in the bloody vigilante execution of the Sue, I'm not interested.
Twilight Sparkle: As she should be! Her husband is clearly being roped into the Sue's own needs for romance! Husband! He is clearly on the path of cheating on his own wife! Who he has been with longer than Naomi has been alive!
Emmett was happy, but he felt wrong about being happy.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 13
WANGSTMUFFIN: 4
Mantra: It was almost as if someone was controlling his mind...
Twilight Sparkle: Wow. So this is going to turn into "I was perfectly happy in my life, but then when the Sue came along, I found inexplicably odd reasons as to why I wasn't happy all along and realized she/he makes me happier!" scenario?
Mantra: Yep, now do you see why I want booze?
Edward immediately went to his older brother.
“It’s so confusing. I can’t really explain it myself. It’s like… um… she’s so easy to be around, you know?
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 7
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 14
Twilight Sparkle: Easy to be around? Emmett, you’ve lived in the same household as EDWARD for nearly a century. ANYONE would be easy to be around in comparison.
Mantra: Well, I don't know. She's certainly easy!
Other then her scent, that it.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 15
Mantra: Darling, I call BULLSHIT. She said it herself that you felt absolutely no tension around her. You're not bothered by her scent, full fucking STOP.
Twilight Sparkle: First off, grammar error. Second, this still doesn't make sense, and it breaks continuity.
Kind of like Bella, but better, in a sense of relating to me.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 18
Mantra: You were a backwaters hillbilly living in the early 30s. She's a British model born in a greenhouse, living in the 21st century. WHAT relation?
Twilight Sparkle: I get that sometimes two people who may not have all that much in common can still be a great couple, because really, there are still connections and understanding on some level. But this? I don't get it. What is it about these two that we are supposed to like? What about their future couplehood is promising? Where's the connection? The context? The foundation? Everything? Where is anything?
Mantra: Oh, they've been thrown out in favour of more shameless self praise. There, you need some hugs?
Twilight Sparkle: *Sighs* I knew it... That's okay though, I'm fine. Let's move on.
When I talk to her I feel completely at ease. I don’t know really. I feel so wrong! Something must be wrong with me.
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 9
Mantra: *Jaw falls open* Is he...?
SOS: *Eyes bulge out* He is!
Mantra: He's breaking the mind-control of the Sue!
He's regaining his senses!
OH.
MY.
GOD.
Twilight Sparkle: Yes! I knew it would happen! Come on, Emmett, we all know you're more awesome than this! You can overcome the Sue! We have faith in you!
I can’t start hanging out with humans.
Mantra: *Head desk* Never mind...
SOS: The ONE Cullen that wasn't racist against humans, and you had to go and do THAT...
Twilight Sparkle: And...why not? That doesn't make sense! I know that as an immortal vampire, yes, it's not the best idea to make friends...but you can still play it off that you move around a lot, they won't think that's strange!
Plus I think one human on our hands is enough.” Emmett sighed.
Mantra: ...Yeah, if I had to hang around Bella like that, I'd become jaded towards humans, too.
Twilight Sparkle: Seriously? I know it's not easy letting a human in your lives, but she knows your secrets and the Volturi! I don’t think you have a choice in this case.
He and Edward had gone hunting, so they could discuss his troubles.
SOS: Since WHEN? These transitions are about as smooth as sandpaper!
Twilight Sparkle: So...they're going to discuss this kind of thing while hunting? ...Really? Wow. That's like if my friends and I were talking about how to bake cakes while trying to seek out the Elements of Harmony after Discord hid them. ...And that's something Pinkie Pie would do!
But not much hunting was going on. They were sitting on a cliff their feet dangling off the edge.
Mantra: Awwww, are you going to watch Lifetime movies together and cry into your ice cream now?
Twilight Sparkle: Then why didn't they just do that in the first place? They don't HAVE to go hunting every time they go out into the woods!
Emmett had been the one talking so far, before Edward could ask any questions
Mantra: Because, as deranged as he is, he still doesn't want to listen to Edward yammer on about Bella's mentrual cycle
SOS: And you can stop pointing out the obvious, Suethor. We actually have EYES.
“Em, don’t worry about becoming too friendly with Naomi.
Mantra: (Edward) There's no such thing as boundaries in love. If your heart tells you to sneak into her room and sniff her panties, then you just have to obey your instincts. After all, it's LURVE. You can NEVER be TOO friendly!
SOS: That's what you get for asking Edward for romantic advice.
Twilight Sparkle: ...Em? Since when does Edward give nicknames? Let alone to his own family? ...And...Em? ....It'd be more original to start calling him "Doc".
Right now I don’t think she could get close to anyone.”
WANGSTMUFFIN: 5
Mantra: Oh, bullshit. She invited a complete stranger to her room, where they stayed for most of the night. She can get plenty close to anyone.
Twilight Sparkle: Of course. And really, Edward, why do you get to judge that? I hate to say it, but it's not up to you.
This thought saddened Emmett, which made him growl.
WANGSTMUFFIN: 6
Mantra: Really? Growling is an expression of sadness now?
Twilight Sparkle: I’m just going to imagine he’s growling in frustration that anyone could be more melodramatic and whiny than Edward.
“What. The. Hell. Is. Wrong. With. Me. Why should I feel sad about not being close to that girl?!” Edward patted him on the back.
WANGSTMUFFIN: 7
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 18
SOS: Because Suethor. That is all.
Twilight Sparkle: At least he’s still fighting and not just giving in…He’s doing a lot better than most people under the situation.
“Nothing is wrong with you. Plus you don’t need to worry about her as much as I worry about Bella. Nami can handle herself. She has self control.”
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 22
Mantra: Wrong. He doesn't have to worry about her as much as you worry about Bella because he's not a psychotic, obsessive stalker
SOS: Oh yeah, she has self-control, she who told her entire life story to a bunch of complete stranger that she had met for a few hours.
Twilight Sparkle: When all that was asked had been what the deal was with Ian.
Thoughts of Bella made him smile.
“But she’s just a child! Sixteen, for God’s sake!”
Mantra: *Looks at Claire...then Renesmee...then Bella...then Alice…* I have no words.
Twilight Sparkle: I'm not even going to get into that....
He caught himself. His thought had gone in an entirely different direction. But something was nagging at him. Something Edward had said…
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 10
Mantra: Look, whatever it was, I'm sure it can't be as bad as paedophilia. That's a far more pressing concern now.
Twilight Sparkle: Of course we’re just going to brush that topic under the carpet. Of course.
“I don’t have the same feelings for Nami as you do for Bella!” The thought horrified Emmett. Edward smirked.
Mantra: (Edward) Oh, you silly thing. Give up. Resistance is futile against Suethors
Twilight Sparkle: Um, I could go into a huge amount of reasons as to how you're right, since Edward doesn't love Bella...but I digress. No! You're married, Emmett! What has the Sue done in order to stray your feelings? You have known her ONE. DAY!
“I wouldn’t be quick to say something like that.” He murmured. Emmett bared his teeth at his younger brother.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 23
Mantra: (Emmett) Dude, I haven't dismantled her car engine yet, have I? Trust me, I'm not you.
Twilight Sparkle: I'm not sure that reaction is a good thing or not. *Shakes head* And I'm still waiting for that explanation as to how the Sue has possibly managed to illicit feelings like that.
Mantra: Mind-control, it's the most common power amongst Sues!
Twilight Sparkle: =_= I said....a logical explanation.
Mantra: ...Dude, have you read this story? What made you think you were going to find LOGIC here?
NG55: Um, she's always trying to find logic in things...
“Why don’t you forget about it for now?”
“You are right, of course. I shouldn’t trouble myself over some girl.” He had said girl, not human. Edward didn’t fail to catch that.
Mantra: ...And that indicates...what? That Emmett isn't racist? That he uses inconsistent terminology?
Twilight Sparkle: Girl...not human? W-What? ...That doesn't make any sense! Yes, "girl" does refer to the female gender factor and therefore could apply to any sentient being, but...that just didn't make sense. Not even in context!
“Yes, and what would Rose say about you talking about other girls?” Edward commented.
“Puh-lease. Rose only sees me as the child of her friend when she was human. With her it’s a strictly physical relationship.
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 11
SOS: Because, as you all know, rape victims get into SO many physical relationships
Mantra: ...Suethor, do you have ANY idea what you're writing? SHE IS HAVING SEX WITH HER IDEAL BABY INFANT, BY YOUR OWN ADMISSION.
Twilight Sparkle: What?! I knew it. I just knew it. I knew she would have Emmett play the "I was happy but then realized I wasn't for inexplicable reasons when the Sue came along" card! I knew it!
She’ll think nothing of it. Even if I started dating one of the Denali sisters, she wouldn’t bat an eyelash.
Mantra: Yes, that’s clearly why she stayed married to you for over 70 years. Clearly.
Twilight Sparkle: Wow. Now she just denounced Rosalie's genuine love for Emmett. That's just....*Sighs* Messing around with canon to put things in your favour. I understand we all have our headcanon, yes, but come on.
I mean don’t get me wrong, I love her to death, but it’s not like it was a few decades ago.” Emmett said this with nonchalance.
Mantra: Ahahahahaha, someone drag this pitiful excuse of a Canon Charater Clone out and shoot him, please.
Twilight Sparkle: *Levitates a shotgun* Way ahead of you.
Edward didn’t voice his disagreement, but knew that if Emmett fell for a human, it would crush Rosalie. She wouldn’t be able to take losing to another human woman.
Mantra: No, it would crush her because her HUSBAND, her constant companion for over 70 years, the person she loved, the person who healed her trauma from rape and lead her to a new life, betrayed her with a snobby little model who's a MINOR.
Twilight Sparkle: Exactly! Yes, of course Rosalie would be crushed! Losing to another human woman...what does that even mean? Seriously, she would be crushed because she would be losing her husband! All from a woman who just waltzed into their lives and snatched him in an instant!
It was dawn. The sun peeked behind the mountaintop they were facing.
Mantra: -and immediately went back down again, screaming in horror.
Twilight Sparkle: So, what exactly did this scene accomplish?
Mantra: Well, the Suethor fulfilled her Rosalie-bashing quota for the day
Twilight Sparkle: Oh yes, of course. Because she's the Canon Other Woman to her Sue, she has to be reduced to a Scary Sue.
“Come on. We have school to go to. I didn’t go to Bella last night because of you.” Edward jokingly complained.
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 12
Mantra: Oh, Emmett, even as an awful clone, you are still our eternal saviour from stalking psychopaths!
Twilight Sparkle: ....seriously! That's just creepy! *Shivers*Does she even realise what she’s writing?
Mantra: Come on! She likes Twilight. I’m sure she gets wet at the mere thought of a mass-murder sneaking in her room at night.
“Yes, because it’s just that interesting to watch a human girl sleep.” Emmett commented sarcastically.
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 13
Mantra: Oh, you poor innocent soul. You DON'T want to know what else Edward does in there...
Twilight Sparkle: Emmett, I know what you're doing, but please...don't go there.
“Don’t cast it off it before you try.” Said Edward.
SOS: Hey, you can't say rape is unpleasant if you've never TRIED it!
Mantra: Yeah, how do you know a shit pie is shit if you don't have a bite?
Twilight Sparkle: Oh no...not that logic! No no no no, Edward. You don't put it that way. You say that for things like a certain dessert or meal you've never tried before, a book you haven't read, a movie you haven't seen, that kind of thing. But you do not just dismiss something like that. No. You just don't.
SOS: Because there is absolutely NO circumstance under which crawling into the room of a minor and watching them sleep is acceptable.
“As if. Only someone like you would enjoy doing something like that, without even being tempted to drink her blood.” Muttered Emmett.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 23 (Oh, come on, Emmett. Don’t join in the Sue’s shameless whoring!)
WANGSTMUFFIN: 8
Mantra: ...Excuse me. I need to go punch someone.
SOS: The point isn't blood-drinking! It's the violation of privacy and potential molestation!
Twilight Sparkle: Honestly! This is not making any sense! *Facehoof*
“You know, for being the entertainer of the family, you really are one brooding and pessimistic guy.”
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 14
SOS: Your own characters are telling you how out-of-character they are! WAKE UP, Suethor!
Twilight Sparkle: Wow, it's like when Pinkie Pie breaks the fourth wall or Spike becomes a stand-in for the audience. ...Except not as funny.
SOS: And doesn't that sound like Emmett is nothing more than a monkey in a cage to the Cullens? *Shudders*
Edward smirked and launched himself at his brother. The collision was similar to two boulders crashing.
“Bring it on!” Growled Emmett playfully. Edward knew that this was the easiest way to take his older brother’s mind off his troubles.
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 15
SLASH-O-METER: *BREAKS*
SOS: Oh, the slashiness. The glorious, glorious slashiness.
Mantra: *Apparates back, wiping blood off her knuckles* Did someone say 'slash'?
Go Forward to: Chapter 10, Part 2
Go Back to: Chapter 9