So I am barely holding on...Last night was Halloween. I made sure I bought candy that would not trigger me...but I found something that was buried in the mix. I only ate 5 small pieces. Yet, I knew, by doing it, it would trigger the allergy, and start the binge. Well, it did. As I was gobbling it all down...I knew exactly what I was doing, and ( Read more... )

I am at a very weak point in my recovery from overeating. I am going to OA meetings, but not fully engaging, not reading or writing, not too many outreach calls...and most importantly, no sponsor. My weight is up 20 lbs from goal and 27 from my lowest this year. The clothes are starting to get tight in all the usual places, my self-esteem is ( Read more... )

I am gripped by paralyzing fear recently. I am struggling with a change that basically boils down to money. I am also eating over this fear, which while I know on the surface is irrational, still has me in its grips! Is there any rhyme or reason to this? I dont know. I am also learning about friendships. A person I considered one of my best ( Read more... )

The day of my daughter's photoshoot, the founder of the Ray Billion clothing was admitted to the hospital because of a massive stroke. Unbeknownst to us at the time of the shoot, he as actually in his design studio slumped over. The photographer proceded without him and the photoshoot was very successful. Today, I found out he died. While I only ( Read more... )

When I get feeling sorry for myself, I am reminded how good I have it....I am so lucky to have my daughter in my life...

http://www.modelmayhem.com/710755

It is a miracle that I am alive today. Being 200 lbs lighter, having a great food recovery program has changed my life. Today, one of several Hollywood projects came out on the internet and MTV. I am with my beautiful daughter and get to enjoy every aspect of being her dad. She saved my life. In recovery, I get such gifts including being in a ( Read more... )

I am in a strange place emotionally these days. I am hyperfocused on my daughter's career...she is about to break big in Hollywood, and the focus on her has left my needs in the backseat. I was accused of not tending to my own needs, by a woman who wants more than I can give in the on/off relationship I have with her. This woman is very wealthy ( Read more... )

Everyone has things they blog about. Everyone has things they don't blog about. Challenge me out of my comfort zone by telling me something I don't blog about, but you'd like to hear about, and I'll write a post about it. Ask for anything: latest movie watched, last book read, political leanings, thoughts on yaoi, favorite foods, creativity and ( Read more... )

Next time I am bemoaning my my food addiction problem, I need to make a gratitude list and remember how DAMN GOOD I HAVE IT IN LIFE, especially when I think about this ( Read more... )

A view from my new home

http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/specsafety/detail?.dir=3c48scd&.dnm=ff12scd.jpg&.src=ph