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Coalition Cabinet Sonnets. No. 14: George Osborne
You open up the door in your hotel
And put your suitcase down, and case the joint.
There's nothing there to which you might well point
As being amiss - in fact you think it's swell.
The bathroom's fine - it's clean, the lights all work -
The bed feels comfy, TV porn comes free
(And better still, you can't get t'BBC),
And on the table coffee sachets lurk.
( Read more... ) -
The Course of Justice
The course of justice is a filthy perv:
It watches panda porn and wears tight thongs,
And likes to pleasure dogs with bawdy songs
About the joys of inter-species lurve.
It smears itself in lard, and takes a snap
To show on Facebook, or on Instagram,
Then gets a stiffy watching Fireman Sam,
And spills its seed upon its pervy lap.
Why did the course of ( Read more... ) -
On Barm's Annual Age Increase
I.
He has a son who
Once vomited in Fuji.
I didn't like that.
II.
His dad's confused for
Popular Python John Cleese.
You never realised?
III.
His daughter can stand
And utter some words as well.
Humans: bloody hell!
IV.
His friend called Jonjo
Is out of Haiku ideas.
So happy birthday. -
The Pope's resignation statement
Dear brothers and sisters in Jesus Christ ( Read more... ) -
BACK UP
Hello human Loiners,
My plan is to be back up in Leeds between 1st Feb and 10th. Pete's bidet and conference the next weekend. In between, I reckon Fuji trips and an exploratory trip to the Cock Beck. Also the Devon. -
MMXII, te anathematizo
SOOOOOO, are there plans "afoot" for New Year's Eve? I ask because I would like to perform some kind of ceremony in which I shake the foul, stinking, possibly carcinogenic dust of 2012 off my shoes, perhaps whilst drinking sparkling wine ( Read more... ) -
Christmas carol/sonnet mash-up
It came upon the midnight clear today,
That glorious song of old, I like to fish,
From angels bending near the earth and gray,
To touch their harps of gold don't often wish,
Peace on the earth, goodwill to men sonnet,
From heaven's all-gracious King, eating John Cleese,
The world in solemn stillness lay, bonnet,
To hear the angels sing i'pod two peas.
( Read more... ) -
Sonnet on the characters in Tolkien's works (quite lame, but think of the economy)
Now, Bilbo Baggins is a silly name,
As Bilbo's Basque for Bilbao, which is fine,
But would you call your son that name? Not mine!
And Baggins - well, I'd have to ask my dame.
And Legolas? That's mental, calling forth
Crazed visions of, yes, lego, and of girls,
But also legless women, drunken churls,
And other things quite common in the north.
And Gandalf ( Read more... ) -
Another quiz!
As none of you have anything better to do on a Saturday evening, I have produced another quiz for your entertainment and edification. Warning: may only be answerable by people who have known me for at least two thirds of my life.
CLICK!
In other news, there is no other news.
