I have realized that you can only trust yourself. At the end of the day, you are your greatest friend and you are your only friend. Even those whom you thought cared for you and loved you...whom you thought you could trust with anything....and more importantly whom you thought knew you and your heart ...even they can turn around and stab you in the ( Read more... )

It is hard to find yourself once you are no longer the thing you have been for the last 18 years of your life. I have a goal and the determination to achieve that goal, but at the present moment, I feel very lost. I am in a stage of extreme self examination and thoughts of "what am I going to do?" "what do I need to do?" "Is this the right thing ( Read more... )

I got a new car yesterday. Finally, a car with a working a/c, a car that does not overheat, a car that does not make about 3 different horrifying sounds, a car that is clean, and a car that brings back the enjoyment of driving that I once had! It is great. It is a 2006 hundai accent, silver. I hate car shopping though. I knew the whole process ( Read more... )

I had such a beautiful rant written, was about to post it, and the computer lost its juice. I got some shit off my chest that was long over due, but there is no way in hell I have the patience to do that again ( Read more... )

"I have come to believe that we are living in a great void!"

I finally did it, I graduated. I feel a mixture of feelings these days, but the ceremony went wonderfully. I didn't trip!! Thank you to all my wonderful friends and family who were there for me or who sent their wishes. It became very clear to me this weekend who is there for me and who the fuck isn't ( Read more... )

Sam and I were suppose to go to my grandparents today to celebrate Easter with the family, but my mom called me at 7am to report that my gram and cousin, Kaci (whom my grandparents have adopted and raised since birth practically) are sick. I knew my gram was sick yesterday when I called her, but she said easter lunch was still on...but beings Kaci ( Read more... )

Taking the time to stop and write out the words of my heart are becoming harder and harder for me to do these days. I find myself avoiding honesty with myself and with those around me. I share parts of what is inside, but some of the core issues that are chipping away at me are issues I am afraid to reveal here or anywhere. Who will still be there ( Read more... )

I hate having the feeling of hopelessness. I am not usually one to stay in a hopeless state for too long, but things seem to be really sucking right now. Sam is a great guy, don't get me wrong. He is sweet to me, he loves me, and he does things for me that Ricky never did. However, for whatever reason, our relationship seems to be in trouble. I am ( Read more... )

One of the drawbacks to keeping on online journal in comparison to a plain old notebook is you cannot jot down your feelings exactly when you are feeling them. Last week brought some rough days for me and I was in desperate need to write because when I can pinpoint exactly when I am feeling negatively, then it's easier to figure what to do about it ( Read more... )