However, by "joined the army" I mean "masturbated to 'The Incredibles' DVD menu."

You should know I live in a giant bucket that once held fried chicken ( Read more... )

01000110 01110010 01101111 01101101 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01100100 01100101 01110011 01101011 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01101101 01111001 00100000 01101000 01100001 01110010 01100100 01100100 01110010 01101001 01110110 01100101 00101110 00101110 00101110 ( Read more... )

So lets have a history lesson on this great country that we know as Rigel 7 the United States of America ( Read more... )

…`|;;;;;;;;;;;;/…………,-;;;;;:,………..,“.,-“;o ( Read more... )

Like the Egyptian god Atum I came into existence simply by calling my own name. I then proceeded to vomit siblings for myself ( Read more... )

OH NOES!!!11 ( Read more... )

OMG!!!11 2day tony asked me 2 tha dance!!111!!!!!1111111111111111111111!!!!111111!!!!11111111111111111 ( Read more... )

Oh man.. I totally forgot the race. I slept right through it. I didn't set my clock radio to wake me up properly. There was a separate knob for the alarm's volume. WHY SEPARATE KNOB, WHY?!

It was okay though, I caught Jesus using the Master Ball and I gave him a purple nurple. Then I threatened to give him the dreaded Real Admiral unless he ( Read more... )

I woke up this morning to Armageddon. It happens from time to time. Oprah was on the rag ( Read more... )

It looked bad. My life points had dwindled to a meager 200, how could I survive?

I looked to the sky and saw a bright light. In that light I saw the spirit of Walter Jacobson. He informed me that my tax dollars were being squandered, and also told me to believe in the Heart of the Cards ( Read more... )