family portrait [4/?]
title: family portrait
author: hika_nishi
pairing: masuda/tegoshi
rating: pg-13 (nc-17 for this chap :x)
disclaimer: I own the computer I typed this on. That's it.
summary: Something hits him, the fact he already knew that he’d never be wearing this while he waits at the end of an aisle for that person who means most to him in the world.
Previous: 01 02 03
Three months. That's how long it's been since Masuda got married, how long it's been since they've seen or spoken to each other. It was mostly Tegoshi's doing, having left the hotel in the morning before Masuda was up and moving out of their parents' house only days later, before he was back from his honeymoon in Hawaii or Europe or wherever the hell he went. But Masuda had never made an effort to get in contact with him, never called his cell phone, not that he ever answered it. Tegoshi tells himself it's a good thing, that for once, his mind is clear.
He had a job now, working behind the counter at a diner across the street from his apartment, his own little love nest, not that there was ever any loving going on in it. He'd been out with a few girls in the beginning, but there was always something missing that proved the relationship wasn't worth his time and effort. At first, he thought it was just because he was gay, he fell in love with Masuda, after all. But that didn't work out either. Nobody's touch was like Masuda's and no one kissed like him either, and for that alone, no one was ever good enough. Tegoshi was never one to settle.
Despite that unfortunate fact, Tegoshi is happy now. Today, like every other day over the past three months, he goes to work at the diner, wearing the mandatory black slacks and button down shirt that he attaches to a hanger on the wall. The salary isn't great, but it pays the rent, and the ego boost he gets when his teenage customers ask for his phone number is worth it.
In the afternoon, he's assigned to clean-up, washing some plates in the kitchen's large sink. When he takes a moment to look up, he sees one of his co-workers walking toward him, grin across his face. "What's with the smirk, Kamenashi?"
He takes the plate from Tegoshi's hands. "I'm taking over for you here. Your girlfriend is at the counter."
"I don't have a girlfriend," he says, peeling plastic gloves off his hands anyway.
"Airi-chan."
Tegoshi laughs loudly. "Yeah, girlfriend. Isn't she like, fifteen?"
"I don't know, but she likes you." Kamenashi points toward the kitchen door. "She orders more and leaves a big tip." Tegoshi rolls his eyes sarcastically, following the direction of his finger.
He puts on a smile when he steps out, walking over to a young girl sitting at the counter. "Airi-chan, weren't you just here yesterday?" he says in a kind, borderline flirtatious tone.
She smiles shyly, a light shade of pink blooming on her cheeks. "I was going to eat lunch somewhere else, but Tegoshi-san always treats me so nicely."
"Aw, you make me feel special." He rests his arms on the counter, leaning forward slightly. "What will it be today, sweetie?"
"What does Tegoshi-san recommend?"
He laughs lightly. "Tell you what, since I like you so much, I'll have the cook make you something special. An Airi-chan exclusive," he says, tapping the tip of her nose with a finger. She giggles as he head back into the kitchen.
Kamenashi is laughing when the door closes behind him. "You're such a whore sometimes, Tegoshi."
"Call me what you want," he says with a hint of a smirk. "I get bigger tips than you."
++++
To say his apartment wasn't fancy was an understatement. He never walked inside without thinking his mother would cry if she saw this is the building her precious son is living in. It smells of cigarettes and alcohol, paint peeling off the walls. The elevator feels like a deathtrap, tempting fate every time he rode it, but he prefers that to the stairwell, which smells like a toilet or sex depending of the day, and who knows what you'd find in it. It's what he can afford, and that makes it good enough.
He breaths again when the doors open on his floor, stepping out into the hall. An older woman, whose three kids run up and down the floor in a never ending race, greets him with a Welcome home and a smile. Tegoshi was lucky enough to live on one of the friendlier floors in the building, if you didn't count the couple at the end of the hall who fought as if it were an Olympic sport. And he's a favorite of the landlord, who gives him anything he wants as long he pays the rent on time. Kamenashi jokes from time to time that he has an admirer.
There's a note taped to his door from said landlord - Rent due today. Bring it down later - Ryo. He pulls it off, turning his key and jiggling the handle to get the door open.
The apartment is small, the whole thing not much bigger than bedroom at home. He drops his bag on the floor, opening a drawer to pull out a change of clothes. As he unbuttons his work shirt, he hits the flashing red button on the answering machine to hear his messages. There's another reminder from Ryo that it's rent day, which he almost laughs at, a couple pre-recorded advertisements for insurance and credit cards, but the last stops him cold, hands frozen on the zipper of his jeans.
"Yuya, it's Takahisa. It's been a while, how are you? Mom's worried about you, you never answer he calls." That's true, he doesn't. Tegoshi finishes getting himself dressed, sits on his bed, staring at the machine as if it was Masuda sitting right in front of him. "I'm worried, too. What happened, Yuya? We were always so close. Is it because…no, it's not, right? Anyway, I miss you, call me. Oh, and call Mom. Bye." On instinct, he picks up the phone, starts dialing Masuda's number, but stops himself. Tegoshi couldn't speak to him. Never again.
There's a buzz sound from the door, he runs over to the little panel beside it, pushing one of the buttons. "It's Kamenashi," a voice says from the speaker. Tegoshi cheerfully tells him to come up, opens the door a crack. He sits on his bed again, plays Masuda's message back as if he's looking for a hidden meaning. He's seen friends do this kind of thing when a girl they were obsessed with called. Kamenashi comes in when on the third listen. "Who's on the phone? Old boyfriend?"
Tegoshi forces a laugh. "Why is that your first assumption?" He lets the message finish, grabbing his coat from a hook on the wall.
"You're staring at the phone like a heart broken puppy." Tegoshi pouts at him. "Who is he?"
"My brother," Tegoshi answers after a silent moment.
"Brother?" Kamenashi repeats with a raised eyebrow.
"Yeah, my married brother. Come on, I have to give the rent to Ryo-san, then I need a fucking drink."
++++
Masuda's message is deleted and forgotten by the time he leaves for work in the morning, a memory that's quickly lumped in with a million others, locked in the deepest part of his mind, destined to come out in therapy after some kind of nervous breakdown. He's back to normal, cheerful and flirty.
He celebrates quietly when a couple office ladies leave him a big tip, a kiss mark on one of the bills. That's when he heard that deep, painfully familiar voice. "Hey, Tesshi."
His body freezes up for a moment, he stuffs the money into his apron before he turns around, staring at that face that brings back years of hidden pain. "Takahisa?" He smooths his server's apron, fixes his hair for reasons he's not sure of. "You haven't called me Tesshi in ten years," he says, trying to sound composed and not at all surprised. Masuda shrugs, smiling at him kindly. "Why are you here? Massu?" It's a nickname he hasn't used in years and he can't help but say it happily.
"I've missed you," he says calmly, with a touch of affection that makes his heart feel warm. "You just left without saying anything to me."
"There was nothing to say." He hands Masuda a menu, which he quickly places down on the table.
"No one understands why you had to move out so quickly. Not Mom or Dad, not even me, and I know you inside and out."
"I'm on the clock," Tegoshi changed the subject quickly. "Do you want something?"
"Coffee?"
"Just coffee? You don't want food?"
Masuda laughs. "You never change, Tesshi. You know what I like, surprise me."
Tegoshi smiles and nods. "Coming right up."
Kamenashi taps his shoulder as he pours a cup for Masuda. "You know him?"
"That's my brother," Tegoshi sighs.
"He doesn't look like your brother," Kamenashi says quietly, almost mumbling.
"Step brother."
"He doesn't look at you like a brother."
"Oh, yeah, Kame? How is he supposed to look at me?" he sounds irritated as he shouts an order into the back.
"Well, not like he's undressing you with his eyes." He sounds almost amused.
"Shut up, Kamenashi." Tegoshi walks back to Masuda, putting the mug down in front of him.
"We need to talk," Masuda says, blowing gently on the surface of the hot liquid. "When can we talk, Yuya."
He looks down at the counter, trying not to stare at those lips. "I, I get off at five."
Masuda nods. "I'll wait for you, then."
++++
He does wait, which Tegoshi almost wishes he hadn't done. Masuda face expresses something between disgust and sympathy as he follow Tegoshi to his apartment. "Mom would die if she knew you were living in a dump like this," he mumbles, apparently more to himself than anyone else. Tegoshi points his hand in the direction of a chair beside the bed and Masuda takes a seat. "Why don't you go home, Yuya?"
"I'm fine," he says, falling on his bed, leaning back against the pillows.
Masuda shakes his head and sighs, changes the course of the conversation. "How have you been? Found yourself a nice girlfriend, I bet."
"No."
"Oh, of course. Still playing the field, that seems like you."
"No."
"Why not?"
"Don't be stupid, Taka," he says, glaring at Masuda. "We both know why."
The room goes silent for a while after that. It's the one thing neither of them want to talk about, but they both know it has to be discussed. The elephant in the room. "Please say you're not living here because of me," Masuda finally says, breaking the unnerving silence. Tegoshi stares at his knees, fingers scratching at the synthetic fiber of his pants, doesn't answer. "Yuya."
"Why'd you kiss me?" Masuda's mouth opens a bit, but he closes it quickly. "Come on, Taka. You wanted to talk, and that's what I need to know." Tegoshi isn't sure if it will fix anything between them, but still…
"I don't know."
"You had no right to kiss me like that. Not after you just got married and not when you knew how I felt about you." Tegoshi does his best to look angry, masking the fact that he wants to break down and cry.
"I know that."
"Then why?"
"It just," Masuda leans forward in his chair, staring at his hands like he's searching for the right words. "It felt right."
Tegoshi furrows his brow. "What the fuck does that mean?"
"You were crying."
"Oh, barely."
"I never wanted to be the one that made you cry."
"That doesn't explain-"
"I spent an hour and a half," Masuda cuts him off, moves from the chair to the end of Tegoshi's bed, "looking at that board Koyama and Yamashita made - you remember, the one with all the pictures. You were in so many of them. You've always been there with me haven't you?" Tegoshi shrugs a bit. "And how long have you been looking at me like that when you don't think I'm looking?"
"Like what?"
Masuda puts a hand on his leg. "Like a lovesick puppy. The way you're looking at me now." Tegoshi bites his lip, pulls his leg away from Masuda's hand, stares at his knees again. "You have such pretty eyes, Tesshi." Tegoshi looks up, meeting Masuda's gaze across the bed. "Every time I look at you, I think they're beautiful." He leans forward, one hand absentmindedly grazing Tegoshi's thigh. "You're beautiful."
He's not sure what goes through his mind, if any logic actually did make it do his brain, but Tegoshi sits up, hands curling into the collar of Masuda's shirt, pulling him closer until their lips come together, not meeting any resistance. Masuda shifts to steady himself as Tegoshi falls back until he hits the mattress, never breaking the kiss. Masuda is the first to pull away, breath coming out in short pants.
"Takahisa," Tegoshi starts, taking a deep breath, "why are you calling me Tesshi again all of the sudden?"
"In case this happened." Tegoshi tilts his head slightly. "If you're Yuya, you're my brother. Tesshi is just my friend."
He sits up quickly, head almost knocking against Masuda's as he does so. "That's not really the reason this is a mistake." He glances at the gold ring on Masuda's left hand, hoping he gets the hint. "I'm sorry, Taka. I shouldn't-"
"Massu."
"What?"
"Call me Massu, like you used to," Masuda grabs Tegoshi's shoulders, pushes him back down to the pillows. "Not Takahisa, not Taka."
"Why did you come here, Ma-" he stops himself. "Takahisa?"
"For you," he straddles Tegoshi's hips, leaning in a little closer. "Mom is worried about you. After seeing this place, I guess she was right to."
"I'm not going home," Tegoshi says, wide eyed, swallowing hard.
"Why?"
Tegoshi sighs. "I can't be around you anymore." Masuda's hips move against his own when he shifts his position, makes Tegoshi bite his lip to stifle a sounds from the back of his throat. "Stop it, Taka," he says, voice trembling.
"I'm not doing anything," Masuda looks down at him innocently. Tegoshi wonders if he's really that oblivious or if he's leading him on. Either way, he just hopes Masuda doesn't notice the bulge in his pants. "Can I touch you, Tesshi?"
He stares up at Masuda blankly, surprised until his brain starts working, telling him it's a ploy to get Tegoshi to do what he wants. "I, I'm not going-"
He's cut off, Masuda's lips pressing against his own, gentle but insistent. "That's not what this is about." He pulls the gold band off his finger, dropping it on the bedside table, places his hands on Tegoshi's hips. "Can I?"
Tegoshi's brain loses the fight to control his body, nodding his head slightly.
Masuda kisses him again, deep and passionate, tongue exploring Tegoshi's mouth. He moans into it when Masuda's hands untuck the work shirt from his pants, wander up his sides. Masuda fidgets with the lowest button on his shirt, kissing the skin at the bottom of his stomach, tongue swirling in his navel, lips moving up as he opens each button on the shirt. Already, he thinks he can't breath. Tegoshi tugs on the hem on Masuda's shirt, pulls it over his head. He's seen Masuda's toned chest a thousand times, but he's never been allowed to do this, hands brushing across skin and muscle. He bites back a comment about how lucky Yukari is.
Masuda's hands start working on Tegoshi's pants, sucking on the pulse point of his neck as he peels fabric away from flesh. Tegoshi sighs involuntarily, mind distracted by the thought of how wrong this is, no matter how much he wants it. Masuda is still married, nothing to say things are on the rocks or any other excuse. Masuda kisses him again, swallowing Tegoshi's moans when he feels a finger brush inside him. "Takahisa, stop," he says quietly, breathy.
"What?" Masuda looks at him, confused. "You don't like it?"
"No. I mean, I do," Tegoshi takes another deep breath to steady his voice. "But I know you'll feel bad if this goes-"
"Shut up, Tesshi." He inserts another finger, makes Tegoshi gasp, Masuda's lips on his chest, brushing over pink nipples and damp skin. Tegoshi can't think straight anymore, his brain tossing around a thousand conflicting thoughts about morality and pleasure, wondering what exactly is going through Masuda's pretty head at the moment, occasionally distracted when Masuda curls his fingers in just the right way. "Are you ready? Tesshi?"
Tegoshi blinks a few times, meets Masuda's eyes. "What?"
"Have you changed your mind?" he asks quietly, touching Tegoshi's cheek softly. "It's okay if you did."
"I…I…" he stutters a bit, Masuda's hands pinning his to the headboard without resistance. His voice is shaky, pleading. "Please, Massu…"
Masuda kisses his lips softly, sliding inside him, whispers, calm and reassuring, in his ear when Tegoshi screams unintentionally and tightens his grip on the headboard. Tegoshi blinks tears out of his eyes, biting his lip as Masuda starts to move, soft and slow. He shifts his hips every few thrusts, trying to find a new, deeper angle. Occasionally, he traces a finger along the length of Tegoshi's cock to distract him from the pain. "You're so tight inside, Tesshi," Masuda's whispers against his cheek. Tegoshi feels his face become hot, a rare moment of embarrassment. While he wonders why Masuda felt the need to say that kind of thing, Tegoshi feels him brush against that dark, secret place inside him, back arching, lips parted.
"Harder, Massu," he says, legs wrapping around his waist, moaning loudly when Masuda does just what he asks, pounding into his until he can hear the headboard slamming against the wall, the bed creaking under their movements. Masuda buries his face in Tegoshi's shoulder, groans against his neck when he comes inside him, deep and wet.
He listens to Masuda's heavy breaths against his ear for a moment, until he needs him to relieve the discomfort between his legs, pushing his hips up against Masuda's thigh with a whine.
He feels Masuda press a kiss to his cheek, his lips curved in a smile. "So impatient," he mutters, lifting himself off Tegoshi lazily, kissing a line down his chest, on his hipbones. Tegoshi feels his breathing start to quicken, coming out in short pants. Masuda looks up at him, smiling, gives the head of his cock an experimental lick. Tegoshi's head falls back, fingers digging into the sheets. He closes his eyes, bites his lip hard when Masuda's lips wrap around him, sucking and licking him into climax.
While Tegoshi tries to get his breath back, Masuda crawls up his body, kisses his chin and lips, taste of Tegoshi still on his tongue. For a brief, fleeting moment, he's happy. Only a moment.
What have you done? The voice in his head seems so loud, shouting at him, scolding him. You took something that's not yours. He feels Masuda's lips, soft against his shoulder, shoves him away, making a loud thud when he hits the wall. "Go home, Takahisa," he says, pulling on his pants.
Masuda laughs. "Tesshi, what-"
"Don't Tesshi me!" He throws Masuda's boxers at his head, buttoning up his own shirt. "Get dressed and go."
"Yuya, I'm not leaving," he steps closer to Tegoshi, zipping his pants closed. "Not unless you're coming with me." He touches his face gently, it almost stings and Tegoshi swats his hand away.
"You said this wasn’t to make me come home."
"I wasn't lying. But I still promised Mom I'd get you to come home."
"I told you, I'm fine," he does his best to hold himself together, using anger to mask the fact that he's inexplicably falling apart. Tegoshi grabs the ring off his nightstand, forces it into Masuda's hand. "Go home to your wife," he whispers, biting his lip to hold back the tears, the dull taste of blood on it.
"Wait," Masuda holds the door open when Tegoshi tries to close it. "I'm in love with you, Tesshi."
Three months ago, those words would have made him leap into Masuda's arms, but right now, it's the last thing he wants to hear. "It doesn't matter." He takes a breath and looks Masuda in the eye. "We shouldn't see each other for a while."
Tegoshi sees a familiar wetness Masuda's eyes. "Yuya, please."
"Good bye, Taka." He closes the door before Masuda can stop him, falling against it when it clicks shut. The tears start to fall from his eyes, he pulls his knees up to his chin, presses his forehead against them as he listens to Masuda pound on the door, repeating his name over and over.
--------------------------
this chapter turned out so long...and I don't even like it. I even rewrote parts of it and I'm still not happy. It had to be done for the course of the story, but I can't get over that Massu kind of looks bad in this one...
I have the next chapter done and half of chapter 6...we'll see when I get time to type it up. stupid computer >:(
author: hika_nishi
pairing: masuda/tegoshi
rating: pg-13 (nc-17 for this chap :x)
disclaimer: I own the computer I typed this on. That's it.
summary: Something hits him, the fact he already knew that he’d never be wearing this while he waits at the end of an aisle for that person who means most to him in the world.
Previous: 01 02 03
Three months. That's how long it's been since Masuda got married, how long it's been since they've seen or spoken to each other. It was mostly Tegoshi's doing, having left the hotel in the morning before Masuda was up and moving out of their parents' house only days later, before he was back from his honeymoon in Hawaii or Europe or wherever the hell he went. But Masuda had never made an effort to get in contact with him, never called his cell phone, not that he ever answered it. Tegoshi tells himself it's a good thing, that for once, his mind is clear.
He had a job now, working behind the counter at a diner across the street from his apartment, his own little love nest, not that there was ever any loving going on in it. He'd been out with a few girls in the beginning, but there was always something missing that proved the relationship wasn't worth his time and effort. At first, he thought it was just because he was gay, he fell in love with Masuda, after all. But that didn't work out either. Nobody's touch was like Masuda's and no one kissed like him either, and for that alone, no one was ever good enough. Tegoshi was never one to settle.
Despite that unfortunate fact, Tegoshi is happy now. Today, like every other day over the past three months, he goes to work at the diner, wearing the mandatory black slacks and button down shirt that he attaches to a hanger on the wall. The salary isn't great, but it pays the rent, and the ego boost he gets when his teenage customers ask for his phone number is worth it.
In the afternoon, he's assigned to clean-up, washing some plates in the kitchen's large sink. When he takes a moment to look up, he sees one of his co-workers walking toward him, grin across his face. "What's with the smirk, Kamenashi?"
He takes the plate from Tegoshi's hands. "I'm taking over for you here. Your girlfriend is at the counter."
"I don't have a girlfriend," he says, peeling plastic gloves off his hands anyway.
"Airi-chan."
Tegoshi laughs loudly. "Yeah, girlfriend. Isn't she like, fifteen?"
"I don't know, but she likes you." Kamenashi points toward the kitchen door. "She orders more and leaves a big tip." Tegoshi rolls his eyes sarcastically, following the direction of his finger.
He puts on a smile when he steps out, walking over to a young girl sitting at the counter. "Airi-chan, weren't you just here yesterday?" he says in a kind, borderline flirtatious tone.
She smiles shyly, a light shade of pink blooming on her cheeks. "I was going to eat lunch somewhere else, but Tegoshi-san always treats me so nicely."
"Aw, you make me feel special." He rests his arms on the counter, leaning forward slightly. "What will it be today, sweetie?"
"What does Tegoshi-san recommend?"
He laughs lightly. "Tell you what, since I like you so much, I'll have the cook make you something special. An Airi-chan exclusive," he says, tapping the tip of her nose with a finger. She giggles as he head back into the kitchen.
Kamenashi is laughing when the door closes behind him. "You're such a whore sometimes, Tegoshi."
"Call me what you want," he says with a hint of a smirk. "I get bigger tips than you."
++++
To say his apartment wasn't fancy was an understatement. He never walked inside without thinking his mother would cry if she saw this is the building her precious son is living in. It smells of cigarettes and alcohol, paint peeling off the walls. The elevator feels like a deathtrap, tempting fate every time he rode it, but he prefers that to the stairwell, which smells like a toilet or sex depending of the day, and who knows what you'd find in it. It's what he can afford, and that makes it good enough.
He breaths again when the doors open on his floor, stepping out into the hall. An older woman, whose three kids run up and down the floor in a never ending race, greets him with a Welcome home and a smile. Tegoshi was lucky enough to live on one of the friendlier floors in the building, if you didn't count the couple at the end of the hall who fought as if it were an Olympic sport. And he's a favorite of the landlord, who gives him anything he wants as long he pays the rent on time. Kamenashi jokes from time to time that he has an admirer.
There's a note taped to his door from said landlord - Rent due today. Bring it down later - Ryo. He pulls it off, turning his key and jiggling the handle to get the door open.
The apartment is small, the whole thing not much bigger than bedroom at home. He drops his bag on the floor, opening a drawer to pull out a change of clothes. As he unbuttons his work shirt, he hits the flashing red button on the answering machine to hear his messages. There's another reminder from Ryo that it's rent day, which he almost laughs at, a couple pre-recorded advertisements for insurance and credit cards, but the last stops him cold, hands frozen on the zipper of his jeans.
"Yuya, it's Takahisa. It's been a while, how are you? Mom's worried about you, you never answer he calls." That's true, he doesn't. Tegoshi finishes getting himself dressed, sits on his bed, staring at the machine as if it was Masuda sitting right in front of him. "I'm worried, too. What happened, Yuya? We were always so close. Is it because…no, it's not, right? Anyway, I miss you, call me. Oh, and call Mom. Bye." On instinct, he picks up the phone, starts dialing Masuda's number, but stops himself. Tegoshi couldn't speak to him. Never again.
There's a buzz sound from the door, he runs over to the little panel beside it, pushing one of the buttons. "It's Kamenashi," a voice says from the speaker. Tegoshi cheerfully tells him to come up, opens the door a crack. He sits on his bed again, plays Masuda's message back as if he's looking for a hidden meaning. He's seen friends do this kind of thing when a girl they were obsessed with called. Kamenashi comes in when on the third listen. "Who's on the phone? Old boyfriend?"
Tegoshi forces a laugh. "Why is that your first assumption?" He lets the message finish, grabbing his coat from a hook on the wall.
"You're staring at the phone like a heart broken puppy." Tegoshi pouts at him. "Who is he?"
"My brother," Tegoshi answers after a silent moment.
"Brother?" Kamenashi repeats with a raised eyebrow.
"Yeah, my married brother. Come on, I have to give the rent to Ryo-san, then I need a fucking drink."
++++
Masuda's message is deleted and forgotten by the time he leaves for work in the morning, a memory that's quickly lumped in with a million others, locked in the deepest part of his mind, destined to come out in therapy after some kind of nervous breakdown. He's back to normal, cheerful and flirty.
He celebrates quietly when a couple office ladies leave him a big tip, a kiss mark on one of the bills. That's when he heard that deep, painfully familiar voice. "Hey, Tesshi."
His body freezes up for a moment, he stuffs the money into his apron before he turns around, staring at that face that brings back years of hidden pain. "Takahisa?" He smooths his server's apron, fixes his hair for reasons he's not sure of. "You haven't called me Tesshi in ten years," he says, trying to sound composed and not at all surprised. Masuda shrugs, smiling at him kindly. "Why are you here? Massu?" It's a nickname he hasn't used in years and he can't help but say it happily.
"I've missed you," he says calmly, with a touch of affection that makes his heart feel warm. "You just left without saying anything to me."
"There was nothing to say." He hands Masuda a menu, which he quickly places down on the table.
"No one understands why you had to move out so quickly. Not Mom or Dad, not even me, and I know you inside and out."
"I'm on the clock," Tegoshi changed the subject quickly. "Do you want something?"
"Coffee?"
"Just coffee? You don't want food?"
Masuda laughs. "You never change, Tesshi. You know what I like, surprise me."
Tegoshi smiles and nods. "Coming right up."
Kamenashi taps his shoulder as he pours a cup for Masuda. "You know him?"
"That's my brother," Tegoshi sighs.
"He doesn't look like your brother," Kamenashi says quietly, almost mumbling.
"Step brother."
"He doesn't look at you like a brother."
"Oh, yeah, Kame? How is he supposed to look at me?" he sounds irritated as he shouts an order into the back.
"Well, not like he's undressing you with his eyes." He sounds almost amused.
"Shut up, Kamenashi." Tegoshi walks back to Masuda, putting the mug down in front of him.
"We need to talk," Masuda says, blowing gently on the surface of the hot liquid. "When can we talk, Yuya."
He looks down at the counter, trying not to stare at those lips. "I, I get off at five."
Masuda nods. "I'll wait for you, then."
++++
He does wait, which Tegoshi almost wishes he hadn't done. Masuda face expresses something between disgust and sympathy as he follow Tegoshi to his apartment. "Mom would die if she knew you were living in a dump like this," he mumbles, apparently more to himself than anyone else. Tegoshi points his hand in the direction of a chair beside the bed and Masuda takes a seat. "Why don't you go home, Yuya?"
"I'm fine," he says, falling on his bed, leaning back against the pillows.
Masuda shakes his head and sighs, changes the course of the conversation. "How have you been? Found yourself a nice girlfriend, I bet."
"No."
"Oh, of course. Still playing the field, that seems like you."
"No."
"Why not?"
"Don't be stupid, Taka," he says, glaring at Masuda. "We both know why."
The room goes silent for a while after that. It's the one thing neither of them want to talk about, but they both know it has to be discussed. The elephant in the room. "Please say you're not living here because of me," Masuda finally says, breaking the unnerving silence. Tegoshi stares at his knees, fingers scratching at the synthetic fiber of his pants, doesn't answer. "Yuya."
"Why'd you kiss me?" Masuda's mouth opens a bit, but he closes it quickly. "Come on, Taka. You wanted to talk, and that's what I need to know." Tegoshi isn't sure if it will fix anything between them, but still…
"I don't know."
"You had no right to kiss me like that. Not after you just got married and not when you knew how I felt about you." Tegoshi does his best to look angry, masking the fact that he wants to break down and cry.
"I know that."
"Then why?"
"It just," Masuda leans forward in his chair, staring at his hands like he's searching for the right words. "It felt right."
Tegoshi furrows his brow. "What the fuck does that mean?"
"You were crying."
"Oh, barely."
"I never wanted to be the one that made you cry."
"That doesn't explain-"
"I spent an hour and a half," Masuda cuts him off, moves from the chair to the end of Tegoshi's bed, "looking at that board Koyama and Yamashita made - you remember, the one with all the pictures. You were in so many of them. You've always been there with me haven't you?" Tegoshi shrugs a bit. "And how long have you been looking at me like that when you don't think I'm looking?"
"Like what?"
Masuda puts a hand on his leg. "Like a lovesick puppy. The way you're looking at me now." Tegoshi bites his lip, pulls his leg away from Masuda's hand, stares at his knees again. "You have such pretty eyes, Tesshi." Tegoshi looks up, meeting Masuda's gaze across the bed. "Every time I look at you, I think they're beautiful." He leans forward, one hand absentmindedly grazing Tegoshi's thigh. "You're beautiful."
He's not sure what goes through his mind, if any logic actually did make it do his brain, but Tegoshi sits up, hands curling into the collar of Masuda's shirt, pulling him closer until their lips come together, not meeting any resistance. Masuda shifts to steady himself as Tegoshi falls back until he hits the mattress, never breaking the kiss. Masuda is the first to pull away, breath coming out in short pants.
"Takahisa," Tegoshi starts, taking a deep breath, "why are you calling me Tesshi again all of the sudden?"
"In case this happened." Tegoshi tilts his head slightly. "If you're Yuya, you're my brother. Tesshi is just my friend."
He sits up quickly, head almost knocking against Masuda's as he does so. "That's not really the reason this is a mistake." He glances at the gold ring on Masuda's left hand, hoping he gets the hint. "I'm sorry, Taka. I shouldn't-"
"Massu."
"What?"
"Call me Massu, like you used to," Masuda grabs Tegoshi's shoulders, pushes him back down to the pillows. "Not Takahisa, not Taka."
"Why did you come here, Ma-" he stops himself. "Takahisa?"
"For you," he straddles Tegoshi's hips, leaning in a little closer. "Mom is worried about you. After seeing this place, I guess she was right to."
"I'm not going home," Tegoshi says, wide eyed, swallowing hard.
"Why?"
Tegoshi sighs. "I can't be around you anymore." Masuda's hips move against his own when he shifts his position, makes Tegoshi bite his lip to stifle a sounds from the back of his throat. "Stop it, Taka," he says, voice trembling.
"I'm not doing anything," Masuda looks down at him innocently. Tegoshi wonders if he's really that oblivious or if he's leading him on. Either way, he just hopes Masuda doesn't notice the bulge in his pants. "Can I touch you, Tesshi?"
He stares up at Masuda blankly, surprised until his brain starts working, telling him it's a ploy to get Tegoshi to do what he wants. "I, I'm not going-"
He's cut off, Masuda's lips pressing against his own, gentle but insistent. "That's not what this is about." He pulls the gold band off his finger, dropping it on the bedside table, places his hands on Tegoshi's hips. "Can I?"
Tegoshi's brain loses the fight to control his body, nodding his head slightly.
Masuda kisses him again, deep and passionate, tongue exploring Tegoshi's mouth. He moans into it when Masuda's hands untuck the work shirt from his pants, wander up his sides. Masuda fidgets with the lowest button on his shirt, kissing the skin at the bottom of his stomach, tongue swirling in his navel, lips moving up as he opens each button on the shirt. Already, he thinks he can't breath. Tegoshi tugs on the hem on Masuda's shirt, pulls it over his head. He's seen Masuda's toned chest a thousand times, but he's never been allowed to do this, hands brushing across skin and muscle. He bites back a comment about how lucky Yukari is.
Masuda's hands start working on Tegoshi's pants, sucking on the pulse point of his neck as he peels fabric away from flesh. Tegoshi sighs involuntarily, mind distracted by the thought of how wrong this is, no matter how much he wants it. Masuda is still married, nothing to say things are on the rocks or any other excuse. Masuda kisses him again, swallowing Tegoshi's moans when he feels a finger brush inside him. "Takahisa, stop," he says quietly, breathy.
"What?" Masuda looks at him, confused. "You don't like it?"
"No. I mean, I do," Tegoshi takes another deep breath to steady his voice. "But I know you'll feel bad if this goes-"
"Shut up, Tesshi." He inserts another finger, makes Tegoshi gasp, Masuda's lips on his chest, brushing over pink nipples and damp skin. Tegoshi can't think straight anymore, his brain tossing around a thousand conflicting thoughts about morality and pleasure, wondering what exactly is going through Masuda's pretty head at the moment, occasionally distracted when Masuda curls his fingers in just the right way. "Are you ready? Tesshi?"
Tegoshi blinks a few times, meets Masuda's eyes. "What?"
"Have you changed your mind?" he asks quietly, touching Tegoshi's cheek softly. "It's okay if you did."
"I…I…" he stutters a bit, Masuda's hands pinning his to the headboard without resistance. His voice is shaky, pleading. "Please, Massu…"
Masuda kisses his lips softly, sliding inside him, whispers, calm and reassuring, in his ear when Tegoshi screams unintentionally and tightens his grip on the headboard. Tegoshi blinks tears out of his eyes, biting his lip as Masuda starts to move, soft and slow. He shifts his hips every few thrusts, trying to find a new, deeper angle. Occasionally, he traces a finger along the length of Tegoshi's cock to distract him from the pain. "You're so tight inside, Tesshi," Masuda's whispers against his cheek. Tegoshi feels his face become hot, a rare moment of embarrassment. While he wonders why Masuda felt the need to say that kind of thing, Tegoshi feels him brush against that dark, secret place inside him, back arching, lips parted.
"Harder, Massu," he says, legs wrapping around his waist, moaning loudly when Masuda does just what he asks, pounding into his until he can hear the headboard slamming against the wall, the bed creaking under their movements. Masuda buries his face in Tegoshi's shoulder, groans against his neck when he comes inside him, deep and wet.
He listens to Masuda's heavy breaths against his ear for a moment, until he needs him to relieve the discomfort between his legs, pushing his hips up against Masuda's thigh with a whine.
He feels Masuda press a kiss to his cheek, his lips curved in a smile. "So impatient," he mutters, lifting himself off Tegoshi lazily, kissing a line down his chest, on his hipbones. Tegoshi feels his breathing start to quicken, coming out in short pants. Masuda looks up at him, smiling, gives the head of his cock an experimental lick. Tegoshi's head falls back, fingers digging into the sheets. He closes his eyes, bites his lip hard when Masuda's lips wrap around him, sucking and licking him into climax.
While Tegoshi tries to get his breath back, Masuda crawls up his body, kisses his chin and lips, taste of Tegoshi still on his tongue. For a brief, fleeting moment, he's happy. Only a moment.
What have you done? The voice in his head seems so loud, shouting at him, scolding him. You took something that's not yours. He feels Masuda's lips, soft against his shoulder, shoves him away, making a loud thud when he hits the wall. "Go home, Takahisa," he says, pulling on his pants.
Masuda laughs. "Tesshi, what-"
"Don't Tesshi me!" He throws Masuda's boxers at his head, buttoning up his own shirt. "Get dressed and go."
"Yuya, I'm not leaving," he steps closer to Tegoshi, zipping his pants closed. "Not unless you're coming with me." He touches his face gently, it almost stings and Tegoshi swats his hand away.
"You said this wasn’t to make me come home."
"I wasn't lying. But I still promised Mom I'd get you to come home."
"I told you, I'm fine," he does his best to hold himself together, using anger to mask the fact that he's inexplicably falling apart. Tegoshi grabs the ring off his nightstand, forces it into Masuda's hand. "Go home to your wife," he whispers, biting his lip to hold back the tears, the dull taste of blood on it.
"Wait," Masuda holds the door open when Tegoshi tries to close it. "I'm in love with you, Tesshi."
Three months ago, those words would have made him leap into Masuda's arms, but right now, it's the last thing he wants to hear. "It doesn't matter." He takes a breath and looks Masuda in the eye. "We shouldn't see each other for a while."
Tegoshi sees a familiar wetness Masuda's eyes. "Yuya, please."
"Good bye, Taka." He closes the door before Masuda can stop him, falling against it when it clicks shut. The tears start to fall from his eyes, he pulls his knees up to his chin, presses his forehead against them as he listens to Masuda pound on the door, repeating his name over and over.
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this chapter turned out so long...and I don't even like it. I even rewrote parts of it and I'm still not happy. It had to be done for the course of the story, but I can't get over that Massu kind of looks bad in this one...
I have the next chapter done and half of chapter 6...we'll see when I get time to type it up. stupid computer >:(