This is the overdue update. Up to Prozac 20mg and broke up with my therapist! She did want me to record the changes I’ve been feeling and take note of when my symptoms may start to creep back in.
I love the lack of anxiety. Even in stressful normally triggering events, I am able to focus and calm myself much easier. The kids seem less reactive also ( Read more... )

Three weeks on Prozac and I can tell the difference. Still nauseous sometimes. And I have zero tolerance for alcohol. But I feel the lack of panic. Still have revolving thoughts but they aren’t causing the spike of panic. Smol panic. I’m able to distract myself and move on with my day. I’ve been productive but with lots of effort. I’m so tired I ( Read more... )

Day 3 of Prozac and I have stomach upset. Not sure if it’s just related to my panic attack this morning. I felt overwhelmed with tasks immediately. First day of school for kids. I forgot their folders. Haven’t been home in 3 days to clean, so I want to do that, but I’m feeling jittery and nauseous. I am deep breathing at times. Listening to music ( Read more... )

I had such a emotional day yesterday that I was really hoping today would be better because I was gonna do everything I could to make sure it was. I took my vitamins. I did not stop moving the entire 8hr work shift. I barely made it out of there. Right to having to do grocery pickup. To my car dying 3 times on the way home due to some sensor or ( Read more... )

Today feels hard. We laid to rest papa Bob, Dena’s dad. It’s hard on my heart when the people I love are in pain. Bob was a good, kind soul. My children adored him.
Today I continued my journey to better my mental health. New prescription for fluoxetine. Lots of reservations of taking it. Afraid it will have too many side effects. I’m literally even ( Read more... )

Did I lash out due to my high anxiety all day. Yes. Did I apologize immediately. Yes. Did I do everything I possibly could before my anxiety got to be too much. Yes. Should I have explained or communicated more, yes. My only excuse is that I felt like a burden and did not want to be a problem. I became a problem anyway. Now you don’t want apologies ( Read more... )

It was wonderful spending 4 days with Katie. It felt so fun and I was so relaxed and happy. Feeling guilty because I enjoyed my time away. And so conflicted now that I’m home. I’m so close to opening up again which worries me because I’m definitely gonna do it before she does so I’m throwing my ass in the flame. Also, trying to piece in my head how ( Read more... )

A brief synopsis of my life so far, according to me:

I was a first born daughter of a hardworking, alcoholic father with a temper, and an emotionally unavailable mother. My mother was with us most of the time, but she spent a lot of that time making it feel like it was torture to her. She needed drugs to escape. My father worked long hours. I got a ( Read more... )

Another wonderful weekend. Relaxing and being carefree. Exhausting ourselves and laughing a lot. So nervous about all the people at the waterpark but it was actually lovely and quite fun. Kids enjoyed themselves so much. I wore Katie right out. 😂
She’s a fucking treasure. Literally the cutest thing. So sweet and helpful. I love watching her walk ( Read more... )

This relationship is bringing me peace, understanding and fun. ALL THE BUTTERFLIES. This is a good pace for building a long lasting relationship.

Changing my negative thoughts and processes is challenging but also, so freeing. I don’t have to be miserable about everything. I can be happy and celebrate that. I don’t have to think, yes I’m happy BUT. ( Read more... )