I DONT KNOW WHAT IM SUPPOSED TO DO WHEN JERKING OFF AND BURNING MYSELF WONT PUT ME TO SLEEP AND I HAVE TO BE AWAKE IN TWO HOURS AND I CANT EVEN FUCKING CRY TO EXHAUST MYSELF AND SHUT MY HEAD UP. I WANT TO JUMP OFF THE FUCKING BALCONY.

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I GO LONG PERIODS OF TIME WITHOUT SEEING THE OCEAN.

I texted him tonight just to tell him that I missed him. Told him I was sorry. That homesickness drove me to it. I admitted about two minutes later that I was lying ( Read more... )

Sometimes it gets to be too much and I am suffocating in my own skin because I haven't writte about anything. Maybe my body knows. Maybe it knows that I'm choking on all these words I'm keeping forced down my throat and it's just trying to tell me to get them out. Maybe that's why I'm so sick. Maybe my body is just trying to help me out. Or maybe I ( Read more... )

thinking too much about how we willingly accept misfortune with open arms but the second something good comes our way we are quick to assume we are unworthy.

its three in the morning. ive had a couple glasses of wine and spent most of the night with a boy that kinda means the world to me. these last couple months have done a number on my head. in the best way possible. ive come to the conclusion, through numerous panic attacks, plenty of stoned nights, and a couple near breakdowns, that either ( Read more... )

i am afraid to express myself in every single outlet. i hold my breath a lot more lately. i dont know if these two are connected. i would like to think that they are ( Read more... )

1. it is alright.
2. it is alright.
3. it is alright.
4. it is alright.
5. it is alright.

i have come to the conclusion that during the day, boys dont have feelings. they only say what they really think/feel after dark when most everyone has gone to bed and cannot hear their voices, even if theyre only at a whisper. as if the dark keeps things safe. as if people are more willing to accept their emotions once the sun has set ( Read more... )

i swear the longer i go without writing the crazier i feel. i just need to set aside some sort of time every day. every hour. who the hell knows. i make up lists in my head throughout the day. some are basic to do lists that i memorize front & back, usually in alphabetical order. some are lists of things i need to concentrate on more. some are ( Read more... )

so i know i should most likely be asleep, but it wouldnt be a normal night if i were in bed before five and my head wasnt spinning. so. things ive been thinking about for the past couple hours/days ( Read more... )