This is a game. I play with myself. I throw the knives in the air with my eyes close and hope i miss the handle. Somehow, i always seem to grab it just right though. Never too far forward or on the blade always on the grain. Some day i hope it falls. right on my wrist. Soaks me head to toe. So i can feel it finally let free. So many years ( Read more... )

So my dream of comming to the Berklee College of Music has come true. And yet i am dummer than i ever was. I thought that once i got here everything would be ok. All the shit and stupidity i had commited and endured in my years back home would somehow dissapate. No such luck pal. When your not paying attention it grabs you. You make a comment ( Read more... )

Its been too long. Is it so wrong to want happiness. I have lived my entire life based on expectations. What the world/parents/ society wants/ expects of me. No one else plays by the rules. No one else helps others selflessly. Why shouldn't I expect what others expect of me. Im tired of not being number1. Why can't I be number 1.

Its been more than a year since i wrote in this but i just needed a place i knew no one would read to unload some shit. First of all everything has changed since the last time i wrote in here. The band that was the center of my musical universe finally disintergrated, leaving a gigantic vaccume in my life. So i have been writing a solo concept ( Read more... )

I can feel every wall pulsing with memories. Some full of elation some briused with heartache and angst. These are the hallways where i had my first love. These are the hallways where all i wanted to do was slit my wrists and leave my mark in tragedy. Songs were sung, hugs were shared and i matured. It was on this railing where i realized that ( Read more... )

... to give up your dreams. All my life i tried to believe that if i tried hard enough i could achieve what i wanted. That is gone. Melted away... turned to jade encrusting my being. Im starting to realize that i need to give up, give in and sell out. Ive gotta stop reaching. All i will get is melted wings and a shattered hour glass ( Read more... )

Smile... that glint in your eye of arousal... happyness. Your teeth bared to show that you will fight and kill to keep that feeling. Real satiation....contenment....kissing so deep and feeling so warm and safe... the sheets catch fire and bury you in your gladness. Choke to death on tounges. Suffocated by your love. Stare into their eyes as ( Read more... )

It sparks yellow then orange, then melts into red and blue then finally purple. A wick slowly dying, fades into black. The sunset falls like a cement pillar through me impaling my thoughts. Cant even think now just going through the motions..."Ok can i get a texas hot and a corona." waitress,"Alright itll be 6.50" *aside* JUST FUCKING LOOK ME IN ( Read more... )

keep scribbling. Rend the thoughts from your mind and spit them onto the page. Just to get their acrid taste from your tounge so they dont come out at the wrong time/person. Idk how to end this yet. -THom

It seems id fallen into a fissure. A gaping hole in the ground. Until from on hight a voice said, "arnt you gonna come in and say hi?" A vision in yellow. Hair put back into an effortless pony tail.. so put together. She seems to get more and more radiant every time i see her. Maybe its the spaces in between that make her sight so sweet. She ( Read more... )