fifteen | Your friendly neighborhood paperboy does whatever a paperboy can

[strike_you_out]

[ Mayfield has a new paperboy. One who would much rather beat you to death with your own newspaper than deliver it to you. And above all, he would personally like to bludgeon whomever is in charge of these ridiculous job assignments.]

[Phone | Unfiltered ]

I don't want to be a paperboy.

But if Mayfield wants its newspapers, then Mayfield will get

Comments

B.

[puzzlerprince]

[Edward's curled up in bed, still asleep.]

[strike_you_out]

[A shadowy presence looms above Edward's sleeping form, not very tall but ominous nonetheless, and holding a rolled-up newspaper. Grinning, Slugger raises his hand slowly into the air...]

[1/2]

[puzzlerprince]

[Eddie's roused from his slumber, eyes blearily opening.]

What's...

[2/2]

[puzzlerprince]

[ksjlksjflsjflkd WHAT IS THAT. Edward's eyes snap wide open and he lets out a hushed little yelp, shrinking back so fast that he bangs his head against the wall.]

C

[notsaul]

[WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HI AND LOIS YOU MONSTER]

[strike_you_out]

[They are having a deep sea adventure because THEY ARE JAMMED IN YOUR TOILET, MADAME.]

[notsaul]

[okay

okay

somebody gonna die for this

motherfucker gon track your ass down]

[strike_you_out]

[Oh yeah? You just go ahead and try it.]

D

[godisachild]

[Well, he was just getting up bright and early when he notices you Slugger. He's about to call out something, when he sees your behaviorisms.

Oh dear god.

That's hysterical.]

[strike_you_out]

[Whistling, the paperboy finishes dropping off your newspaper before he turns to spot you and SMILES.]

Morning, Pokey. Look I'm a paperboy!

[The enthusiasm is sickening.]

[godisachild]

[Pokey's just...gonna be biting his bottom lip to hide the smirk trying to come out. The fact that you're such a goober is hysterical that he almost wouldn't miss you if-

Oh shit.

Naw, you couldn't be like this permanently. That's just stupid. Of course you're fine, and going to be coming back eventualy. Right?

...Well. There's a good way to find out.]

Yeah Slugger you...you sure are.

Hey, you got a minute? There's something really neat I need to show you in the back yard.

[strike_you_out]

There is? Alright! But only for a minute, I've got news to deliver.

[Since your his BEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD, he can break from routine to see what it is you want to show him. He'll start heading around to the back of the house.]

C

[commentboxtroll]

[He's running out of things to read, dude. WHY YOU GOT TO BE LIKE THAT?]

[strike_you_out]

[But-!! You can still read it.

He only burned half of it...]

A

[hatescats]

[What Kikuri's doing sitting on the porch at 5AM, no one will know. Actually, they will. She's busy drawing dead people.

But the boy with the baseball bat does catch her attention. And her stare.]

[strike_you_out]

[Slugger is too busy to notice at the moment because he's delivering a newspaper to one of your neighbors. Which is to mean, he's just batted a newspaper through the house's open window whereupon it smacks a drone the face.

Content with this, Slugger picks up his bag of papers and hefts it onto his shoulder with a grin.]

[hatescats]

[That drone had it coming. Kikuri can't help but let out a chorus of giggles, though it's hard to tell if she's laughing at the way he batted the newspaper of the sounds of the drone who had just gotten hit in the face.]

[strike_you_out]

[And now it's time to deliver your paper, little girl.

The paperboy vanishes from the neighbor's front yard and reappears just as suddenly in Kikuri's yard, where he waves and flashes her a wicked grin.

Slugger, of course, is aware that this is Ai's house so he won't break or set fire to anything. But just as he did for the last house, he tosses a paper into the air and bats it into the sky. It lands on the roof.]