i can't remember if I took any insulin tonight

I purged like a #@%*

I cut like a &^!$

and now............................... what? the usual. scrape up the pieces and try to not have tomorrow ruined overmuch by today.

http://community.livejournal.com/feminist_rage/1096441.html

=rant about fatphobia. Includes offensive comments about size that are heartily condemned.

I found it interesting.

Today I purged an entire meal.

Fuck.

I hate my life. It is NOT fair. I finally start coming out of the uberdepression I was in, and POOF! Cramps. ( FUCKING CURSE OF WOMANHOOD DIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!! (also, sharp triggers) )

Scary TA was sick today! We didn't have to go to class, so we'll just pretend that had she *not* been sick, I would have been there ( Read more... )

My finist victory today may involve going to class. I am out of bed. This is progress ( Read more... )

I already HAVE an insulin pump. So what if the warranty's expired? If it works, who gives a fuck? I didn't ask to go on some state of the art one, I asked to go on *a* pump, even the Minimed 508 that I was on for a while (and I wasn't in that good of control before I went on that, but they somehow let me...hmm). FUCK HIM. When I go home, I'm ( Read more... )

Shrink. Gave her very edited version of letter. Dunno really. Could work.

I think I care less about getting better than I think I do. If that makes sense.

Bye. Escapism time.

I equate friends with ecstacy the drug. Sure, while you're on it, life is great and everything feels just dandy, but eventually you're just you, all alone, and the world sucks.

Sooo... they're going to find me a therapy group that fits my schedule, and I have my first individual appt. on Tuesday. I missed the opportunity to speak up on the phone and ask if the shrink had any experience with diabetes. I will give them the letter on tues (if I keep saying it, maybe it will eventually come true...), and I will try really ( Read more... )