i sprinted uphill and i'm hoping that's why my back and legs are dead. i'm so tired and i don't know what my mind thinks. shit has started too quickly and it's probably because i kept summer going till the last few seconds so i'll take time to adjust... probably not. i still feel constrained like santa cruz is and it's scary not to know what's ( Read more... )

monday class ~930-2, meeting with KK at 430 ( Read more... )

friday was alright. saturday i didn't want to go up north with my bros but thought i should anyway. it was disturbing and for a good amount of time i felt like i was wasting my time until i started driving. brunch was cool and everyone is nutty. i found bodega bay and we buried james. then ate at a nice restaurant with sub par food. it ended up ( Read more... )

i cant i cant i cant i cant i cannot fall into this. fight one dependency with another. fall back into memories. run right now of it'll get worse. get busy and stick to it or it'll all fall down, funnel that energy until the hollowness goes away. everything is chemicals and dependencies. i thought i'd gotten away from hope but it was the underlying ( Read more... )

the days have been alternating between hatred and acceptance. but have been reaching equilibrium slowly. monday was spent with ben in oakland/b town walking dawgs, seeing eugene realizing things are shifting. tuesday.... last day of summer for divya so i took her to deYoung for the chihuly exhibit, walked around haight and did not remember the last ( Read more... )

i dont know if anything got better. i spent time with ben in o town and walked some dogs and shit. it was alright, saw eugene. i dont know what's up. i'm seeing juelez tomorrow. it probably won't be anything but fleeting as usual

i have great contempt for what i am. i hate looking at my extended family and seeing their flaws that have funneled right into me. problems always seem solvable to me until i actually try to so;ve them. i dont know the value of a dollar or how to maintain anything including friendships. my parents are funding my schooling and i'm barely learning ( Read more... )

tears dont come out cuz they wont help

the feeling is of regret. another type of from something held as pure. nothing soothes it but time and anger. i am a joke but one that is rightfully so. 

am i more less or the same as a burmese village boy in terms of value?