i'm struggling with something. i'm not even angry really but still empty. i won't allow myself anyone else and am intent on hanging on and letting go at the same time. nothing is clear and i have to analyze too much. sulimon had to bring up meaning when my weak ass didn't want to think about it the most and i realize that everything has something ( Read more... )

i think about fairy tales. and i think about my life from outside of my life. and i feel dizzy. i feel restless and i cannot sit still. i feel like falling from the alps but not dying. just falling and then waking up to something fresh. i always do and when i do i feel worse than before because i know im getting closer to a time when ill be waking ( Read more... )

that's a funny formality. i'll be more conscious.


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it's a different feeling, giving something and knowing for certain that there will be nothing no sign of recognition. i need to stay in one place for more than a few months. i think in terms of things over there. but i'm only there for a blink. then i'm here but i'm not really here because over here i still exist somewhere else. not really the past ( Read more... )

i'm busy as fuck driving, remembering, consoling, reasoning, moving. cleaning, talking. i guess i got what i wanted. it's the same realization that i had when i saw another generation going through high school. we're actually growing up and so are the people i used to look up to. most of the people i've been hanging out with have kids ! i'm seeing ( Read more... )

same shit different quarter
different year
same same same same

Evidence of love is everywhere in my life because I love everyone I meet. I find some quality I love of theirs. Even people I hate, I find some quality that I love to hate.

have i fucked it up again? nothing seems important enough to write about but there seems to be plenty to speak about when in public. i've allowed myself to do whatever i want for a long time which has meant not doing anything. as soon as i start to do something there either isn't enough time to do it or i give up. i'm scared that i'm not learning ( Read more... )

i woke up to the freshest morning in a long time today

i dont want to drive in fremont i dont want to go to berkeley tomorrow i dont want to sort things out with my parents bike drive fast be right or feel good. i want to sit here and find something new and better than the chemicals in my body and the meaningless meaning i inject into things. i hate sunny spring weather especially when i have to drive ( Read more... )